Write It Down

Alex looked over his notes for the article one last time. This was it. He’s learned so much about Jack. From the tragic death of his father, to his hectic, over working mother. He learned about his non-existent social life, and Jack even told him about his high school experiences, and his first sexual exchange that went terribly bad, scaring him into never trying anything with another person physically. Ever.
Until Alex, of course.

Two weeks. He’s been dating Jack for two weeks. And Alex finally had enough information to write the perfect article. The one that would bring his readers to tears, make them laugh, and scream with absolute hatred that would make them love and crave for his writings more and more.

But that all seemed unimportant now. Because Jack was what was important. He’s spent these two weeks getting to know him. Learning everything there was to know about him. He wrote down all of his secrets in his journal and listened intently on the parts he couldn’t write down. But all of that seemed too personal to create into a story.
Jack would always look into Alex’s eyes and say, “Pinky promise you won’t tell anyone..” And Alex would always happily oblige. Because this was his boyfriend, and he wanted him to trust him with everything.

And here he was; about to write down everything into a story that couldn’t be taken away. It wasn’t like telling one person. Or even two. No, he was letting the entire city of Baltimore know about Jack’s life. And that’s something that made him feel sick.

So sick he almost got up out of his cubicle and just left. Left the ledger and never looked back. But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t just leave and forget everything he’s worked so hard to achieve.
No, he couldn’t leave.

But he could do the next best thing.

He closed the notebook filled with Jack’s life, stood up, and made his way to the office of the Editor-in-chief of the Baltimore Ledger. He was going to tell him, honestly, that he was not going to write this article.
That there was no way he could write this article about Jack. It was too personal.
He couldn’t break Jack’s heart. He thought he’d be able to, but he just can’t. And, as he opened the door to his boss’s office, he gained a new form of confidence and began to speak.

“Sir.. Listen, we need to talk..” He paused as he editor looked up from the story he was reading over and gave him a pissed off look. “I-I can’t write the article about Jack. I know how perfect this opportunity is, but frankly, I’ve invested a lot of myself into him and I just can’t write this story knowing he wouldn’t approve.”

His editor put down his papers and stood up. Alex could tell it was taking a lot of inner strength for his boss to remain calm.

It’s taken so long, and Alex has wasted so much time deciding that this column just couldn’t happen.
“Dammit, Gaskarth. I finally give you a chance to make something of yourself and this is what you give me? Two months, no article, and you’re giving up?” He paused as he put his fat knuckles down on the mahogany desk. He sighed, “You won’t get another chance like this Gaskarth. Are you sure you want to do this?”

Alex paused before he nodded. His mind was made up. He wasn’t going to let this ruin the relationship he has found to be so dear to himself. “Yessir.”

“Well. Fine. Hope you enjoy that damn column of yours because its all you’re ever going to see at this job.”

Alex felt his heart stop with that. He was always going to be an “Ask” column writer. Nothing more, and his editor just proved that to him. There was no denying it now. No hope. Nothing but wishful thinking and broken promises.

But at least you still have Jack… He thought.

Yeah. At least he still had Jack. And that was proving to be pretty stinking perfect, already.

And, its only been two weeks.
Alex remembered watching that Nicholas Sparks move, “Dear John.” He remembered how the man told the woman how fast it took him to fall in love with her.

Two weeks.

He always thought it was bullshit until now, and when he walked out of his boss’s office his heart was already mending.

Because it took two weeks to fall in love with a man he didn’t deserve.

It took two weeks to realize that he could have spent a lot more time with Jack if he would have just let go of the article a long time ago.

Two weeks.

Two weeks..

And now that he’s let go of the one thing holding him back, he could finally give Jack his all. Stop thinking into everything he says and just pay attention to getting to know him.
That’s all he wanted to do now.

That’s all he needed to do.

---

“Mr. Barakat, it’s not looking good.” The doctor said as Jack looked up and noticed the dark look in his eye. “The tests came back positive. You have pancreatic cancer.” Jack felt his heart stop. This was the exact news he was hoping he wouldn’t hear.

But in the end, it was inevitable right? As soon as Jack gets happy, and finds himself falling in love, his life is taken.
He looked up at the doctor, his eyes welling with tears he refused to let spill over. “How long do I have?” He croaked. His voice was quiet, he almost thought the doctor wouldn’t hear him at all.

“Its unsure exactly how long you have. There is radiation, and chemotherapy to look into. But even with that I doubt you’d get more than a year. The cancer has spread, there wasn’t much we could do. This particular cancer comes with little warning.” The doctor paused. “I’m so sorry, Jack. But I can promise you, we’ll do everything we can to fight this thing. There’s always hope.”

Jack just nodded. Then thought of Alex. How was he going to tell Alex? Their relationship JUST started. Why was God taking it away so soon?

Jack was finally happy.

With Alex.

And now things were falling apart faster than they were put together.
Jack thanked the doctor as he stood up. “We’ll have to make you an appointment for a week from today, if you’d like to start the radiation and chemotherapy. Which, with the cancer so advance, will have to be done simultaneously.”

Jack had to squeeze in the fit of terror and sadness building up inside of him as he answered, “Do whatever you have to do to keep me here as long as possible.” He sat back down. “I need as much time as you can give me..”

His doctor nodded. “There are a few things I should warn you of, first.” He discussed. “You’re going to be in a lot of pain. Blisters, hair loss, and skin sensitivity are all very common when the treatments are combined so be prepared.”

Jack couldn’t bear to answer. All of this, it was more than he could handle at once.

He stood up, finally getting the strength to leave. He had to tell Alex.
That’s all he could think about.

Alex has to know. I have to tell Alex..