Write It Down

Dear Journal,

It’s been a few weeks since I wrote my first entry to you. And, honestly so much has changed. Jack and I spent so much time together in the first two weeks of a relationship that we started not too long after I first wrote to you.

But it’s been another week, and he hasn’t answered my calls. Or my texts. Or any other means of communication for that matter. And, it’s honestly eating me from the inside out.
Did I do something wrong? I mean, I gave up my article, my dream, and the hopes of ever getting away from that shitty advice column ALL for him. And now it’s like I have cancer or something and he doesn’t even want to be around me. It’s completely nauseating.

I’ve driven by his house a few times (creepy, I know) and his car is in the driveway so I know he’s there. I’ve thought about walking up to the door a few times, but our relationship is so fresh I don’t want him to think I’m clingy or anything.

But, I have a right to worry, right? It’s been a week and I still haven’t heard from him. I’m really starting to believe that I fucked everything up.

That maybe I gave up the article for someone I thought I didn’t deserve. Someone I thought was serious about us.

Someone I thought I had any type of future with, even if it were shortlived.

But here I am, writing in a fucking journal about a man that I let myself get too caught up in too fast. Are we even still together? Should I still call Jack Barakat my boyfriend?

Next week would be a month.

A month of officially being with Jack Barakat.

If this last week even existed for us.

Oh, and there’s another thing I need to tell you, journal. Something incredibly great has happened. Something that could change my life forever.
I got offered a job at a small paper in Atlanta. And, its not just a normal maybe-I’ll-get-an-article-this-week type of job.

No.

They have asked me to be the investigative reporter for The Atlanta Times. Which means I have a guaranteed article every Sunday issue. And the pay is FANTASTIC.

Its so much better than my job here at the ledger. And, I could do so much with it. I’d be so much more happy.

But, then there’s Jack.

Until the past week I thought that there would be no question in whether or not I would stay and see where things with Jack went.
But now it just seems as if he’s pulling away, and I don’t like the direction he’s going in.

If he doesn’t start coming back into my life soon, I’m going to have to take the job. I can’t blow two dreams on a man who doesn’t even really want this.

I hope you understand, Journal. I really care about Jack. Like, those two weeks we sat in complete bliss and it was the best time of my life.
From our first date at my parents restaurant, to the drive in movie downtown.
All of it. It was so perfect, and I honestly wish I could relive those times because living in fear that any second Jack could call me and tell me that he doesn’t want me anymore scares the shit out of me. What if he’s been sitting in his room thinking about all the stupid things I’ve done and said and all the things he wishes I would have done but didn’t.

What if he realizes that I’m not what he wants.

I’d be crushed. Then I would leave for Atlanta. Not because I would want to anymore, no because I would have to get away from this town because this town has Jack. And Jack wouldn’t want me anymore.

I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, Alex, stop being so overdramatic!”

Well, I’m sorry.

But, this has proven to be the most stressful week of my life.
I think the worst part is the fact that I have to let the people at The Atlanta Times know whether or not I’ve accepted the Job by next week. And I have absolutely no idea what direction this is going in.

It all depends on Jack.

Everything depends on Jack, right now.

I just hope I’m making the right decision in trusting him with my future.
I just need to know what’s going on with him.

Forever yours,
Alexander.