Write It Down

”Alex. This isn’t funny anymore. I don’t understand, why won’t you talk to me?” Jack asked as he chased Alex down the hall toward what looked to be his bedroom.

“GO AWAY JACK!!” Alex yelled back. He didn’t know why he was so upset with Jack but he just wanted to get away.
He wanted Jack to leave him alone so he could sit and bawl. This wasn’t how Alex normally acted.

Why WAS he acting this way?

“ALEX, BABY!” Jack yelled as Alex looked around his room and slammed the door shut.
But.. it wasn’t really his room, was it? No. This couldn’t be his room.. His room didn’t have cubicles? And desktops… No.. Where was he?

Then it hit him.
He was at the office; The Baltimore Ledger…

Why was he here?

He felt Jack beating at the door he was trying to keep closed. He didn’t want Jack to come in but he couldn’t hold on to the door anymore. He fell down on his knees as he heard Jack finally bust through the thin, office door. Alex looked up at Jack as he looked around at the change in scenery.
This was almost too much.

He felt the room coming down on top of him. This was it. The end.
He knew Jack was going to see it. He knew Jack was going to hate him soon.

That’s when he realized why he wanted to get away from Jack to quickly…

THE ARTICLE!
“JACK NO STOP!!” Alex ran towards Jack just as he made it to the computer with Alex’s article opened and edited on the screen.

But it was too late.

“You wrote this?” Jack whispered. Alex didn’t even know what to say.. “DID YOU WRITE THIS?!” Jack yelled as he read all of his secrets and his complete life story written in perfect Associated Press style and edited to the very last period.
Alex just nodded. He knew Jack was going to find out.

He just didn’t want him to find out this way.. He wanted to tell him.. He wanted to personally explain everything.

He’d understand, right? He’d understand why he did it. Right?

Alex closed his eyes and felt his stomach drop to his thighs.
When he opened his eyes he was in his room again. Jack was still here, though.

“GET OUT.” Jack snapped. “GET THE FUCK OUT ALEX GASKARTH I NEVER WANT TO LOOK AT YOU AGAIN. I HATE YOU!! I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I HATE YOU!!”

And Alex believed him..

Alex felt himself being awakened by the incessant calls of his mother.
“ALEX! WORK IN 30 MINUTES GET UP!”
So.. It was a dream?

Jack didn’t read it the story? Wait, Alex hasn’t even written the story yet.. Of course..

He felt a rush of relief fall warmly over his body. It wasn’t time to confess, yet. He still had time..

He really, really did..

---

Alex walked up to his place of employment with his head hanging heavily towards the ground and his heart dragging itself even lower.

He used to love the idea of working here; of getting the chance to make a difference in the world, but now, now he just couldn’t stand waking up and going into this god forsaken place.

He never truly realized how terrible the life of a journalist really could be. It would be different if he was writing this story over a stranger, someone who didn’t matter to him at all emotionally. But, no. It was Jack. And Jack was the only person in his entire time of working here that actually noticed him. The only one.

Alex had made a connection with this young boy, and it was almost painful realizing it. Jack was all Alex thought, and dreamed about. He was the reason Alex worked so hard.

Alex found himself wanting to be with the spiky haired boy all the time. He wanted to call him and tell him about his work day. He wanted to open up to him and tell him every last detail about his life just because there’s never been anyone else to really care. No one else took the time to point out Alex’s good qualities. It seemed as if all anyone could ever see were the bad. Like when was writing a headline for his high school newspaper, front page, and he carelessly misspelled “Environment.” He made the whole paper look bad that day. And for his entire high school career it seemed as if he was always that kid that can't spell.

No one ever noticed his flawless story about summer music festivals, including warped tour, that was so highly regarded by his adviser.
Jack was the only one that ever made him feel like he could do this whole thing. He’s said it time and time again, but he always meant it.

And, as he walked to his tiny cubicle in the large building that held the newspaper he once had high regards for, he never felt smaller. He never wanted to be that reporter that couldn’t be trusted. That would lie and cheat his way to the top of the world. No.
The top of the world wasn’t worth losing someone like Jack.

But then again, was Jack really worth losing his job and respect as a practical journalist? The truth was what was important, right? And that’s all he was providing with his story.

Right?

He was just informing the world of exactly how amazing Jack Bassam Barakat was. And, if that meant exposing all of Jack’s personal wounds and defecating his confidence, that would be okay. Because Alex would only share the truth. Because the TRUTH will set YOU free.

?

Alex knew that was bullshit.

Alex knew that Jack was way more important than letting his editor get a small bit of satisfaction from a silly article that may or may not make his career.

Alex wanted to tell Jack everything.

Alex wanted to tell him that he was important. That he was all he thought about. He wanted to tell him about the article. And that there was no way he could ever write it with the risk of hurting Jack. He wanted to, but he just couldn’t.

Whenever Alex thought about writing the article, he was sick to his stomach. It made him feel like all of those pathetic paparazzi that fed off the lives of celebrities, depending on scandal for bread.

But when he thought about not writing it, he felt almost hollow.

Like maybe it was too late to walk away.

Like it was too late to ever walk away.

It felt as if Alex’s character had been completely dehumanized and lost forever. But that couldn’t be true.

He wanted to tell Jack everything.
He just needed to figure out how…