Happiness Kills
1.
Susan breaking up with me, leaving me behind like an unwanted toy, reminded me of a worse tradgety. The one that involved the loss of my only best friend. My only mother.
I was just a little curious eight year old boy at the time. I remember. It was a dark night and mother seemed to be running late from work. I helped my once admirable father set up the table for the family dinner. I waited anxiously by the front door for her to come home.To hug her leg and let out all the I love you's I had been bottling up for her.
It was a long wait, but I remember not being scarred because I was a childish little kid who thought nothing bad ever happened. Everything is perfect and that I'll never grow old and always have my kind parents to care for me. Boy was I wrong, and stupid. Life ins't always rainbows and cupcakes. Sometimes it's just a never ending rain. You must start realizing that, before it is too late.
Two hours had past and it seemed like I hadn't moved an inch. Just there staring out the window, expecting my mother to come any second. There was nothing but an empty drive way and street lamp. I could hear my fathers hurried foot steps pacing around the house. I didn't know he was worried, I thought he was excited. I heard the house phone ring, my father quickly answered.
I'm not so totally sure what he said, or what the caller said. But It ended with my father crying hysterically. I've never seen him like that before, and it scarred me. I finally moves a few inches and saw him on the floor. He looked like a crumbled piece of paper and a sobbing baby combined.
"What's wrong Dad?" I asked softly. He looked at me, and his eyes were red and moist. My question was left unanswered, and he took me to my bedroom. I was tucked in and told to "Have a good nights sleep" With a kiss on the forehead, and he walked out of the room. I didn't know it would be the last time I would see my dad normal.
That night I dreamed a horrible dream. Possibly the worst of dreams an eight year old little boy could dream. I was standing on a sidewalk, next to a busy road. Looking at all the cars zoom past me. I didn't know what to expect, but I blinked my eyes and for five seconds there was nothing but the sound of a car crash, and screams. I finally opened my eyes and saw the scene. My mother small little black car, crushed. A red pick up truck with a small dent. The driver of the red truck was at the side of his car, hands on his head. In the street was a body. Blood was surrounding it, and I instantly recognized the body.
It was my mother. I wasn't sure if she was dead or alive but I kept hearing her voice in my head, repeating " I love you Eric..I love you Eric.." Her voice was smooth and sweet, like a cola. I was staring at the body, with the lurid blood bordering it. Her skin began to become gray, and she was slowly dissolving in front f my eyes. Going..Going..Gone.
All that was left was a heart on the the street. A real human heart. I walked over to it, and picked it up because I thought I was supposed to. When I did pick it up I fell in to this free fall in a dark hole. Until I finally woke up.
After the dream I knew she was dead. I cried for a whole two years, my father became an alcoholic and I never attempted to make any friends ever since. All I did was sulk and sulk. This is how Susan Lee is about to leave me. A whole school year forgotten. She is pushing me to the edge now, and I'm not sure if I could handle it. Maybe it is time I finish my pathetic life that is leading nowhere but to a dead end.
Have you ever felt that before? Like if you would feel better if you were lifeless because you wouldn't feel anything. Maybe there is an afterlife, but if there isn't that is still ok because there is no life that I could possibly have that is worse than the life I have now. So I think I'm going to take a chance on this one tonight. Wish me luck, because I might need it.
I was just a little curious eight year old boy at the time. I remember. It was a dark night and mother seemed to be running late from work. I helped my once admirable father set up the table for the family dinner. I waited anxiously by the front door for her to come home.To hug her leg and let out all the I love you's I had been bottling up for her.
It was a long wait, but I remember not being scarred because I was a childish little kid who thought nothing bad ever happened. Everything is perfect and that I'll never grow old and always have my kind parents to care for me. Boy was I wrong, and stupid. Life ins't always rainbows and cupcakes. Sometimes it's just a never ending rain. You must start realizing that, before it is too late.
Two hours had past and it seemed like I hadn't moved an inch. Just there staring out the window, expecting my mother to come any second. There was nothing but an empty drive way and street lamp. I could hear my fathers hurried foot steps pacing around the house. I didn't know he was worried, I thought he was excited. I heard the house phone ring, my father quickly answered.
I'm not so totally sure what he said, or what the caller said. But It ended with my father crying hysterically. I've never seen him like that before, and it scarred me. I finally moves a few inches and saw him on the floor. He looked like a crumbled piece of paper and a sobbing baby combined.
"What's wrong Dad?" I asked softly. He looked at me, and his eyes were red and moist. My question was left unanswered, and he took me to my bedroom. I was tucked in and told to "Have a good nights sleep" With a kiss on the forehead, and he walked out of the room. I didn't know it would be the last time I would see my dad normal.
That night I dreamed a horrible dream. Possibly the worst of dreams an eight year old little boy could dream. I was standing on a sidewalk, next to a busy road. Looking at all the cars zoom past me. I didn't know what to expect, but I blinked my eyes and for five seconds there was nothing but the sound of a car crash, and screams. I finally opened my eyes and saw the scene. My mother small little black car, crushed. A red pick up truck with a small dent. The driver of the red truck was at the side of his car, hands on his head. In the street was a body. Blood was surrounding it, and I instantly recognized the body.
It was my mother. I wasn't sure if she was dead or alive but I kept hearing her voice in my head, repeating " I love you Eric..I love you Eric.." Her voice was smooth and sweet, like a cola. I was staring at the body, with the lurid blood bordering it. Her skin began to become gray, and she was slowly dissolving in front f my eyes. Going..Going..Gone.
All that was left was a heart on the the street. A real human heart. I walked over to it, and picked it up because I thought I was supposed to. When I did pick it up I fell in to this free fall in a dark hole. Until I finally woke up.
After the dream I knew she was dead. I cried for a whole two years, my father became an alcoholic and I never attempted to make any friends ever since. All I did was sulk and sulk. This is how Susan Lee is about to leave me. A whole school year forgotten. She is pushing me to the edge now, and I'm not sure if I could handle it. Maybe it is time I finish my pathetic life that is leading nowhere but to a dead end.
Have you ever felt that before? Like if you would feel better if you were lifeless because you wouldn't feel anything. Maybe there is an afterlife, but if there isn't that is still ok because there is no life that I could possibly have that is worse than the life I have now. So I think I'm going to take a chance on this one tonight. Wish me luck, because I might need it.
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