Yesterday.

So this was hell. I mean, it wasn’t as if I felt guilty for ‘cheating’ or anything. We were just dating. I didn’t belong to him. But… Paul. Until a few days ago I knew I loved John. Now I felt myself torn between two people at once. Was it just because he kissed me? Was I completely entranced because he was my first kiss? I had to tell him. It would kill both of us, and he would shun me away to never see him again. I shuttered at the thought.

I was leaning awkwardly against the bar, sipping on a water. Alcohol was still nothing to me, just… a drink. The drink that ruined my life. I refused to touch it.

Music was blasting, and the place was packed. Apparently the Cavern started letting strays into a private party of our local beloved rock star. Strange.

I would imagine that each of the boys were now surrounded by a thousand girls. Good, some time to think.

If I told him, would he break me? Probably, but I wouldn’t not tell him. I couldn’t stand lying to him. It would kill me, murder me inside. I felt so much for him, I couldn’t do that to him.

But what if he accepted me? Would the guilt then set in? If he loved me so much, and I betrayed him? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself either. I’d run away.

I sighed deeply, as a pair of hands wove around my waste. I cleared my throat before looking up.

“Hey! Having fun?” John yelled in my ear over the music.

I pursed my lips, and leaned over to him.

“Um, John. Can we uh, go outside? I need to talk to you…”

He backed up and looked me in the eyes, noting the seriousness of the situation.

“Of course.” He nodded, pushing through people, his arm still around my waste. I looked down, not wanting to catch any glares from crazed “John’s Future Wife” fans.

Finally, I felt the gush of air as a door swung open, and I looked up. It was the back alley of the cavern, people rarely went out here, for all I knew. I walked out as he held the door open for me, and he closed it and shuffled over to the place I was.

I crossed my arms, wrapping them around my waste, holding my yellow shirt more around my small torso. There was a cold wind gushing through the skyline.

“Here.” John said, pushing his jacket off of his body, and wrapping around my shoulders without putting my arms through the arm holes.

“Thanks.” I breathed, grabbing it and wrapping it around me tightly.

“So? What do you need to talk about?” He stared deeply into my eyes, and I felt my heart flying into my throat.

“I… I kissed Paul.”

His face dropped, and he stared at me.

“John.” I whispered, looking down, “He kissed me, actually. He… he told me he loved me… and I’m sorry.”

“You’re leaving me?” He grunted, his eyes full of pain.

“No, of course not.” I sighed, “I-I wouldn’t do that! I just had to tell you… I felt… feel so bad. I’ve barely slept since!”

“When?”

“About four days ago.”

He nodded, “So… he kissed you?”

I nodded harshly.

“Did you kiss back?”

I sighed, “yes. But…”

“Yes?”

“Only because…” I paused and swallowed deeply, looking up at the cloudy sky, “I’ve never been kissed before… I don’t know why…”

“So you think it was just because it was your first kiss?”

I nodded, “I mean, that was the only kiss I’ve ever had.”

“Do you love him?”

There was silence. I stared deeply into his eyes. Beautiful… dark brown. So deep, so full of emotion. His eyes told the story of his life, his beautiful life. I needed him.

“No.” I said firmly, “No I don’t.”

He cocked his head.

“How do you know?”

I bit my lip hard, and closed my eyes.

“because I think I’m in love with you, John.”

I opened my eyes again to his, just staring.

“I-I understand if you want to leave me… Infact I-“

His lips were against mine before I could finish the painful thought. All thoughts floated out of my mind. It was bliss. I, myself, was floating. His lips slowly moved in sync of mine, gently, much more gentle than Paul’s had been. I pushed his name out of my mind. I didn’t mean to compare, but I found myself doing so. His lips were warmer, more comfortable. We fit together with no hitch. His hands found my neck, and cupped it, his skin giving off even more heat. I found my own hands sliding up his chest, wrapping around his neck, pressing him against me. I wanted every line of his body to match mine, to touch mine, I wanted him. I felt my back hit a wall, and he held me there. I melted into him, my lips becoming more frantic against his. I felt water start to crash down over my head, and drip down my face. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to move. Rain didn’t seem to bother him either. His hand cupped my cheek, and his thumb stroked it. I moved my hands up, so I could run them through his perfect, silky hair.

Suddenly, there was a gasp. We both stopped abruptly, and looked over. A girl stood in the doorway, light glowing from behind her, a lit cigarette in hand. Her mouth was wide open, and her eyes were bulging from under her cropped, black bands. She dropped the cig and stepped on it, running back into the club at top speed.

I glanced back at John, to find his eyes back on me. Observing my expression, my reaction.

I quickly found his mouth again, and crashed into him. I could have done this forever. I was in love.

It could have been hours, minutes, days, seconds, I wasn’t paying any attention to anything except for him, when suddenly, we heard another gasp, and a thud.

I didn’t break it this time, John did. He turned quickly. A guy stood there, the same as the girl, a lit cig in hand, staring at us. Only this was different, much different. He started to shake, and a tear formed in his big, beautiful eyes and slid down his cheek. He brushed it off quickly, and his chest puffed out. His hands were balled into fists by his sides, and his face was flushed red.

“Paul…” I whispered, before John stepped in front of me, blocking me from him completely. I peeked around his shoulder. Please god… no fighting… please…

“How… Why…” He was looking at John, but I could tell he was looking right through John. Right at me.

“Go.” John said protectively.

And, as quick and quietly as he came, he slipped back inside, the door slamming with great force. I felt tears burning my own eyes as well. Paul…