Yesterday.

I was blissful, but pained. I was happy, but sad. I was fixed, but broken. I didn’t tell anyone any of this, though. Except for Haley. See, we had grown into best friends over the past years. We could trust each other with everything.

I was so jealous of her though. Her and George never even had one problem. Not one. And I… well, that was a different story. I mean, I loved John. I couldn’t deny that, even now. But, I also couldn’t deny that I loved Paul, which caused a bit of a problem. See, John hadn’t been seen for about a week, so I just forgot about it.

Paul was a lot sweeter than John. John was much more intense about everything. He took it so seriously, which was what I wanted, but I also wanted to enjoy the end of my teenage years with someone who would love me, but have fun and be charming. That was Paul. He was the kind of person that would leave a big bouquet of flowers at my door by ringing the doorbell and running, then leaving a long note, all written in French. I’d have to have Haley, who was fluent, translate, which was sometimes very embarrassing.

“You okay?” Paul’s honey voice seeped into my ear, and I jumped a little bit from waking up from my daydreams.

“Yeah.” I airily answered, blinking a few times and looking around. I was sitting in Paul’s living room, and the Ed Sullivan show was blaring in front of us. Something about gymnastics.

He followed my gaze to the screen, and smiled.

“Guess what?” He said, his voice going about an octave higher out of excitement.

“What?” I yawned, snuggling into his chest. I was so sleepy.

“Brian called while you were… well.. sleeping.”

“I was sleeping?”

“Yeah, you feel asleep about an hour ago. Anyway, he said that we were going to America in February! Isn’t that amazing? America!”

“That’s great!” I tried to share his excitement, but to me, it only meant that they’d all be gone for another long period of time.

‘I know! And we get to go on!” He jabbed his finger at the telle, and I gasped.

“Ed Sullivan?”

“Uh huh!” He smiled wide, “John thinks that we won’t make it.”

My heart dropped at the mention of his name.

“John came out of his hole?”

“Yes, he rang also while you were asleep. He sounds… miserable.”

He smiled at the last word, as if it was some consolation prize he had just won. I grimaced and buried my face in his shoulder, lifting up his sleeve with my nose and kissing the warm skin underneath it.

Another good thing about Paul was that he wasn’t too… pushy. When he wanted to… well… y’know… he never forced me to. He was a kind of ‘in the mood’ person. John, on the other hand, would just do it, without permission, which was fine.

Paul sighed and put his arm around my shoulders, pressing me against him.

“You can go back to sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He smiled, kissing my nose. I smiled back. I loved his little… puppy innocence thing. It was adorable. It was so cute how excited he was about the States, like a five year old.

I closed my eyes, and almost instantly, I was asleep.

I found myself in John’s arms again, apposed to Paul’s. John was warm, and always had a lovely smell to him, almost a mixture of cigarette smoke and fragrant aftershave. I breathed him in heavily, and he leaned down and kissed me passionately.

“I love you.” He whispered against my lips. I smiled, and mumbled something incoherently in return.

Then, the phone rang. I jumped, and looked around. Paul had already answered it. And was laughing with whoever was on the other line. I sighed deeply, falling back into the mess of covers.

Just a dream.