Stay With Me

It’s been one month since Jack’s last relapse. It’s been four weeks since he touched a blade to his skin. There have been thirty days of Alex sending him dagger eyes every time his gaze caught a particularly tempting looking object and his mind started to wonder. He’s had seven hundred and twenty hours to think about a way to sneak a cut while no one was watching, seven hundred and twenty unused hours. Jack has been perfectly clean for one month to the day.

To any sane person, it’s an accomplishment.

But to Alex, it was just another reason to keep a watchful eye.

Jack sat on the bus, mindlessly twirling a small pair of black scissors around his fingers. His guitar sat on the table in front of him, waiting to be covered in duct tape for the night. He stared into space, not thinking of anything for once. He wasn’t tired, or stressed, or triggered. He was content; for the first time in a long time, Jack was content.

“What are you doing?” Alex snapped from the door of the bus. Just when Jack was finally starting to relax… “Waiting for Rian to get the duct tape.” He mumbled, still twirling the scissors skillfully. The older boy eyed him cautiously and walked over to him as if the ground was full of bombs. One wrong move and they both blow up. Jack sent him a questioning look. Alex just shrugged and took a seat next to him.

They sat in silence for a couple minutes, Jack twirling and Alex gazing. “How are you doing today?” Alex mumbled with some restraint in his voice. The younger mentally sighed. “Fine.” The scissors seemed to increase in speed. “Just fine?” Even faster. “Yeah.” He gritted through his teeth. “You know I’m here for you right.” Jack forced his eyes shut and tried to calm his breathing. “You can talk to me you know. I’m always here for you.” Yeah, you’re always here. “It’s all okay now.” He said, placing a hand on Jack’s back.

The younger boy jumped up, scissors flying, content state of mind burned to the ground. “Don’t touch me.” Jack slurred, backing away. Alex lifted himself from the couch instantly. “Why the hell not Jack!” he demanded. “Y-you don’t think this only affects you right?” This is it. One month was definitely a record. “I mean, shit Jack.” He mumbled, running a hand through his messy hair. “I’m worried when you’re alone.”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Really? Because I was perfectly fine until you got here.” He snapped. Alex managed a laugh. “So I’m the problem, huh?” No, no, no. “I’m the one who makes you feel like this, who made you like this.” No, no, no. “That’s not what I meant.” Jack mumbled. “Then explain it to me Jack! Because I’m not getting anything from you! You don’t talk to me like you used t-to. I don’t-t want to lose y-you.” His voice cracked as tears formed in his hazel eyes.

This is wrong; it wasn’t Alex’s fault, but he was the one holding back the tears. It’s my fault. Look what I’ve done to my best friend. He was trying to help, trying to stay strong, trying to keep Jack here. I’m so selfish. Jack thought he was the only one who was broken, but the way Alex stood in front of him right now said otherwise. I should leave, then he’ll be happy. Alex wiped his eyes on his sleeve. “Sorry about that.” He whispered as he tried to compose himself. I can’t do this, I can’t do this. “I-I should go.” Jack mumbled, heading towards his bunk. He knew where it was; left pocket of his duffel, hidden by a small red beanie. Easy to get to, easy to get away.

“Wait.” The older boy yelled just before Jack had the chance to escape. “C-come here.” He said, motioning him towards him.

He froze. There were two choices. Go to the back and find release, or stay with Alex.

His mind did summersaults as he stared at his best friend, then his favorite enemy. His secret love, and his dirty little secret. His comfort, and his escape. Jack needed Alex to be happy, to be free of worry and stress, but he couldn’t leave him to fight on his own. No, he never wanted to see Alex cry ever again.

“Jack, please,” he whispered, his eyes glazed over, but miraculously still beaming with hope. “Stay with me.”

Some things never change.