Apparitions and Other Everyday Abnormalities

“So spill,” Spencer says on the ride back to my house. “Tell me what happened between you and Brendon, because you’ve had that weird smile on your face all day.” I stare out the window at the pouring rain that seemingly came out of nowhere. I like the rain.

I sigh and decide to just tell him. “We kissed last night when I got back from that shop.”

“Oh my god, details,” Spencer says excitedly. I laugh a little, wondering how he’s straight.

“Well he was crying when I got back because he was upset about the fact that he’s dead and I’m not. He said he liked me and I said I liked him and then we kissed, and let me tell you, Spence. It was not normal. It felt like half of what an orgasm feels like,” I explain.

“Just a kiss?”

“Yeah,” I answer. “If the kisses feel that good, just imagine, Spencer,” I grin.

“So are you guys, what, together now?” he asks carefully. The smile slips off my face.

“You know that can’t happen,” I say quietly. “At least not now. We just need to figure out what Brendon needs to do to move on.”

“That could be anything. Look, Ry, you can touch him and kiss him and see him. It’s not that different from a person who’s alive.”

“It’s completely different, and you know that,” I argue.

“I’m just saying that you should enjoy your time with him,” he shrugs. I don’t reply, and the rest of the ride is spent in silence.

When I get home, I wave bye to Spencer and shake the rain out of my hair as I close the front door behind me. It’s dark and I’m about to flip the living room light on but it flips on by itself. I’m terrified for half a second before I roll my eyes. “Brendon, you’re an idiot,” I call. I hear a giggle somewhere but I don’t see him. The light cuts back off and I smile. “Oh, no, I think my house is haunted!” I wail. “Mr. Ghost, please don’t hurt me,” I call out with faux fear in my voice.

I walk as quietly as I can through the living room wondering what this is all about. Brendon’s never teased me like this. I hear another giggle, louder this time. I’m about to call out again when arms grab my waist from behind. I jump even though I was expecting it, and Brendon laughs into my ear. “Gotcha,” he whispers. My smile widens when his arms tighten around me and he presses a soft kiss to my jaw.

“Mr. Ghost, are you trying to take advantage of me?” I mumble, turning around in his arms and smiling down at him. It’s completely dark in the house, and I can barely make out his features.

“Is the little human scared?” he teases.

“Terrified,” I nod. He laughs and stretches up to reach my lips. He kisses me, and that jolt of electricity is still there. I don’t think I could ever get used to how amazing it feels.

“Hold on,” I whisper, letting him go and heading toward the stereo. “Light the candles,” I tell him, and a second later all of my mom’s excessive amount of candles in the living room are lit. I turn the stereo on and head back to Brendon, noticing that all the candles make this feel extremely sexy, kind of like in the movies. I stand behind him this time, putting my hands on his hips and pulling him against me. His head falls back onto my shoulder and he starts swaying his hips to the beat of the song I put on.

“This song kind of fits perfectly,” he mumbles. “It sounds sort of sexy.”

“Mm,” I hum in agreement, tightening my hold on his hips and swaying along with him.

“You shut your mouth, how can you say I go about things the wrong way,” he sings along softly, and oh his voice. His voice is amazing. He spins around and looks at me suddenly. “Do you think I’ll ever figure out what it is that I’m supposed to do?” he mumbles. I take in his face; the hopefulness and the determination that I see there.

“Yeah,” I mumble back. “I’ll help you.” Brendon smiles up at me and walks backward to the couch, dragging me with him. He falls back onto the couch with me.

“You’re kind of perfect, you know that?” he smiles up at me. I give him a shy smile of my own, too embarrassed to make eye contact. He trails a finger down the side of my face, leaving tingles on my skin along the way. “This would all be perfect if it was real,” he nearly whispers, not smiling anymore.

The smile slips off my face and I draw back to look down at him. “What are you talking about? This is real,” I protest. A sort of sad smile makes its way onto his face, and he shakes his head slightly.

“No, it isn’t, Ryan. To the rest of the world I don’t exist. We can dance and kiss and pretend like we’re both two normal teenage boys but that doesn’t mean we ever will be.”

“But—”

“What happens when your mom comes home? We can’t keep pretending that we’re this happy little couple because I’m dead, Ryan. I know you have your hopes high because of what that guy in the shop said, but you need to think about the possibility that that may not work, and I may be dead forever,” he finishes quietly. My heart sinks more with every word out of his mouth. Of course he’s right, and I know that. I know that it’s stupid to think that everything will work out perfectly in this situation, but I just want to be happy just this once.

“You’re right,” I sigh, getting off of him and sitting upright. “You’re right, but I just wanted to be happy,” I mumble. Brendon scoots closer to me and takes one of my hands, playing with my fingers.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I’ve never really been happy. My dad left us when I was little and ever since then my life has sucked, okay? Moving from place to place, never making real friends because we never stayed long enough was not my idea of happy. My mom is always gone and I’ve always been lonely. Ever since you came along I’ve been happier than I ever have before and I’m just not ready for that to end yet. I need to believe that what that guy said is true, because I need you to stay with me,” I say through my now shaky voice. I don’t look at Brendon’s face. I’m too scared to see what his expression looks like.

“I’m not going anywhere, Ryan,” he says softy, lacing his fingers with mine. “I’m just saying that you shouldn’t delude yourself into believing that I’m real. I know it’s probably easy to forget sometimes.”

“You have no idea,” I huff out a laugh. “It’s just that you’re so normal sometimes and I can touch you and—”

“I know. Let’s just forget about it for now, okay? I’m sorry I even brought it up,” Brendon says with a considerably more relaxed voice. “Come here,” he mumbles, lying back down on the couch. I lie down with him, feeling too depressed to do much else. I rest my head on his chest and close my eyes while he plays with my hair. He starts humming something under his breath and it feels like something is missing. I can feel my eyelids getting heavier by the second, my head rising up and down with every unneeded breath that Brendon takes. It’s not until I’m on the verge of unconsciousness that I realize what was missing. Where my head is on Brendon’s chest slowly rising and falling, I don’t hear the unmistakable sound of a heartbeat. There’s only silence.

***

“Look, no, you’re going to burn it,” Brendon warns. With a flick of his wrist the flames surrounding my marshmallow lower so they aren’t completely engulfing it. “There,” he smiles. I roll my eyes affectionately.

“What would I do without you?” I joke, bumping his shoulder.

“Probably die,” he shrugs. Spencer laughs from where he’s coming back from the woods with more fire wood. The three of us decided to make a campfire in the backyard. When I was little, my parents and I used to do this all the time. There’s nothing better than a campfire at nighttime during the summer. There’s a slight breeze outside and it feels cool against my skin. I wonder if Brendon can feel it. I find myself staring at him. He looks different in the moonlight. It almost looks like he’s glowing. If anything he only looks more beautiful.

“Ryan,” Brendon shakes me, bringing me out of my daze and pointing at my stick where my marshmallow is completely burned and is starting to fall off.

“Shit,” I mutter, shaking it off into the fire. Brendon laughs and Spencer tosses me another marshmallow.

“Maybe if you’d stop staring at Brendon for two seconds,” Spencer says airily. I scowl at him and try to hide my face, even though it’s too dark for them to see the redness on my cheeks.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Brendon smiles. “And there’s no point in trying to hide the way you feel because I can sense it, remember?” Damn it. I always forget about that. “Plus, I know you were only staring because I’m really hot. It’s okay,” he pats my hand. Spencer starts his obnoxious laughter again, grinning at both of us.

“I really wish I could bring Haley to hang out with us,” Spencer mutters. Spencer actually has been hanging out with us a lot, and I forget that it must be taking away from the time he gets to spend with Haley. I wish there was a way we could include her, but there’s no way we’d be able to talk to Brendon with her around without making her think we’re crazy.

“You don’t have to hang out with us if you’d rather be with her, Spence,” I assure him. He gives me a look.

“She understands. We used to be best friends and I haven’t seen you in forever. I just forgot what it was like to have a best friend, you know?”

“I’m just letting you know that we understand too, and it’s cool if you want to spend time with her,” I say again. Spencer smiles but doesn’t say anything else.

“Maybe don’t burn this one, huh?” Brendon sticks his tongue out at me and sticks the marshmallow onto the stick.

“Sucks that you can’t eat because s’mores are the best,” I tell him sympathetically. He pouts a little.

“Shut up or I’ll push you into the pool,” he threatens.

“You will not,” I laugh. He gives me a challenging look.

“Wanna bet?” he says before swiftly picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder.

“Brendon, no, don’t!” I shriek, flailing my arms about uselessly. “Seriously, don’t!” He makes his way over to the pool, and I can hear Spencer laughing by the fire.

“Too late,” he grins, stopping in front of the pool. I struggle and try to get out of his grasp but he’s weirdly stronger than me.

“Please, Bren,” I beg, trying my hardest to get away. Brendon laughs as he throws me into the pool without any warning. I flail my arms in the air with a very manly shriek as I hit the water and float to the bottom of the pool. I make my way to the surface with chills up my spine from the freezing water, taking a huge breath of air. “You asshole!” I yell to a hysterical Brendon. He disappears then, and I’m about to yell for him when arms pull me back under the water. I barely have enough time to get air before I go under.

Brendon is there, smiling at me underwater. The pool lights are on and he looks weirdly unreal with the water surrounding him. His hair and clothes aren’t floating around him like mine. It’s like the water doesn’t even affect him. He’ll be dry when he gets out, just like the last time he was in my pool. He pulls me close to him and without warning presses his lips to mine. I feel like this is a ridiculously romantic moment, kissing underwater. But I don’t know much about romance.

We kiss for a few more seconds until I can’t hold my breath anymore. When I resurface again, Brendon is out of the pool, sitting on the ground. I shake my head, hopping out and accepting the towel that Brendon offers me that seemingly came from nowhere. I take a seat beside him and lean my head on his shoulder.

“You’re a jerk,” I mumble. He giggles a little before sighing.

“You have to be spontaneous, Ryan, or life will be boring.”

“Well my life definitely hasn’t been boring since you came along,” I laugh.

“Trust me, live every day like it’s your last one, because you never know how many you’re going to have,” he says quietly. I bite my lip, feeling the chill of the cool breeze on my wet skin.

“I didn’t even care about my life before I came here,” I tell him uneasily. “I never thought the little things were important. But then you showed me how important they really are. You gave me a completely different perspective on life.”

Brendon looks down at our overlapping fingers. “I really, really care about you, Ryan,” he says softly. I can feel my heart rate increase the tiniest bit, and I find myself smiling.

“I care about you too,” I whisper back. I’ve never meant anything more in my entire life.

***

“Would you two stop being so disgusting?” Spencer asks. I lift my head from Brendon’s shoulder to give him a look.

“We aren’t even doing anything,” I protest.

“Ryan, you are sitting in his lap,” he says slowly.

“So?” I say innocently. Spencer rolls his eyes. I snuggle back into Brendon and turn my attention back to the TV. Brendon is absentmindedly twirling my hair around his finger. I’ve never known what it feels like for someone to just hold me like this, like they actually care. He makes me feel so wanted.

“What?” Brendon smiles when he notices me looking at him. A playful smiles makes its way across my own face.

“Nothing. I just- I don’t know. You make me happy,” I mutter shyly. Brendon’s small smile widens to a more genuine one and he tightens his hold on me. I can see him leaning his head down so I bring mine up just in time to catch his lips with mine. My eyelids flutter shut. Those shivers I always get run all through me, making my grasp on his shirt tighten. His lips are smooth and soft as they move with mine, and I have to remember not to make noise for Spencer’s sake.

“Dudes!” Spencer interrupts us. “Um, hello, I’m right here,” he covers his eyes. I laugh lightly as I pull back from Brendon, shooting Spencer an apologetic look. “You know, it’s not even that you’re both guys. That part I’m cool with. But you’re my human friend and my ghost friend and it’s kind of weird.”

“Oh, whatever, you were the one who kept telling me to go for it,” I scoff. “Come on,” I say to Brendon, standing up and yanking him off the couch. We head for the stairs.

“Where are you going?” Spencer calls after us.

“Upstairs to make out!” I call from the stairs. I can hear Spencer’s laughter fading behind us. I shut my bedroom door behind us and follow Brendon to my bed. He laughs a little when he pulls me down with him.

“This is all you want me for,” he pouts.

“Yep,” I agree, kissing him through a giggle. He pulls back, biting his lip and giving me this adoring look.

“What’s your middle name?” he asks one of his erratic questions and I smile automatically.

“Ryan,” I grin.

“Well then what’s your first name?”

“George. But don’t ever call me that,” I say seriously. He looks at me confusedly, his smile fading. “It’s my dad’s name,” I explain quietly. He nods slightly, trailing his fingers down my arm until he reaches my hand.

“Your dad doesn’t know what he’s missing, because he has an amazing son,” he says genuinely. “Also, I demand that you play me a song,” he says seriously. I instantly smile. He can make me smile so effortlessly.

“Now?” I ask. He nods. I get up and grab my guitar and then sit back down beside him on my bed. “What do you wanna hear?”

“Whatever you want to play,” he shrugs. I think for a minute before playing the first song that comes to my head; a song that reminds me of him. I’ve barely played the first few chords when Brendon smiles. I don’t sing. I rarely ever do in front of him, but when it gets to the chorus, he starts singing along.

“Because maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me,” he sings, “and after all, you’re my wonderwall.” His voice sounds so amazing paired with my guitar. I stare transfixed as his face transforms into something I’ve never seen before. He looks like he’s in a completely different place. His eyes are closed and there’s emotion in his voice. He sings the rest of the song and when the last note rings out, he opens his eyes. It’s quiet now, and it feels different. It feels like we’ve connected on a completely different level now.

“Why’d you choose that song?” he asks quietly as to not disturb the silence.

“Because it’s the first song that comes to my mind when I think about you,” I answer just as quietly. Brendon silently takes my guitar from me and places it carefully on the floor. He turns back around with a soft look on his face and he pulls us down so we’re lying on the bed. He doesn’t say anything; he just kisses me, extremely passionately might I add. My mind is racing with thoughts of how perfect this is, how right it feels. It’s like I suddenly know that I’m supposed to be with Brendon, because my life has changed since he’s come into it.

“Ryan,” Brendon breathes against my lips. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” I breathe back. “What?”

“If this ends badly, if I’m dead forever and there’s nothing we can do about it, then I’m sorry for doing this to you,” he whispers. I shake my head and put my hand on the side of his face.

“Don’t even say that. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I say breathlessly, kissing him again. Our lips melt together, neither of us stopping for air any time soon. I can’t think; my mind goes fuzzy. We kiss and our hands roam and it’s frantic and breathless and intense. We’re holding on to each other like we never want to let go, and I realize that I don’t know if I can let Brendon go. I need him.

“God, I just- you came into my life and changed everything,” I tell Brendon, breaking our kiss. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s like you’re a drug to me. I-I just-” I’m cut off as Brendon kisses me fiercely again. His hands go under my shirt and his tongue slips into my mouth. All I can think about while I’m kissing him is how much I need him to be real. He’s so important to me now. He’s my entire life. He makes a helpless noise and breaks the kiss again, breathing hard.

“Ryan. God, I-” he breaks off, running his thumb over my cheek. “I think I love you,” he whispers. I’m pretty sure I can hear the sound of my heart stopping. My eyes grow wider and so do Brendon’s. “I love you,” he whispers again with conviction this time. I breathe out, completely unprepared for this. Nobody’s ever told me that before. Not in this way at least. I never knew what it felt like to be in love. I remember talking to Brendon about it weeks ago. I told him that I didn’t even remotely know what it’s like. I never knew how I’d know either. But right now, I just know. That tingling I get every time I look at him, that’s love. That exploding sensation I get in my chest merely at the thought of him, that’s love. I couldn’t place it before, but it’s love.

“I love you, too,” I whisper back. I see the smile forming on Brendon’s face but it’s interrupted as a bright light emerges from the other side of my room. Brendon and I both jump and turn to face it. I clutch Brendon’s arm as the light gets brighter and brighter.

“What the hell is that?” I ask, terrified.

“I don’t know,” he replies, sounding scared as well. The light gets so bright I have to actually cover my eyes. My heart beats faster and I’m about to tell Brendon we should get out of here when the light suddenly starts dying down. It starts to dim, and then there’s- fog? There’s fog in my bedroom. Brendon stands up and I follow him. The light goes away and there’s a door there, right in the middle of my room, surrounded by fog. A door. Brendon’s door.

“Brendon,” I whisper. “Your door.” He stares at it just as shocked as I am.

“But,” he mumbles. “But how? What did I-” he cuts himself off, shaking his head in confusion. Then his head snaps over to me. “Oh my god,” he says, his face contorting into understanding. “It was you, Ryan.” I stare at him, uncomprehending.

“What?” I ask.

“Ryan, you were what was supposed to happen before I died,” he says incredulously. “I was supposed to fall in love with you.”

“Wha- but I don’t understand,” I splutter.

“Think about it,” he says excitedly. “If I hadn’t died, you and your mom still would have moved back here and-”

“And we would have met,” I finish.

“Exactly,” he beams. “It was you this whole time. That must be why you have this connection to me. It’s why you can see me.”

“I can’t believe this,” I breathe. I remember what Patrick told me at the shop, and I don’t even want to ask Brendon out of fear that he’s leaving me.

“I can’t believe it finally happened,” he smiles. I take a deep breath.

“Are you, um. Are you going to go?” I mumble quietly. Brendon cocks his head, looking confused.
“I thought you said if I stayed, then we might be able to-”

“I did say that, but I also said that it might not work. This is the only door you’ll ever get, Brendon, and if you stay and it doesn’t work, you’ll be stuck like this forever.” His expression saddens with every word. “Don’t just stay because of me. Don’t let me keep you from having what you’ve wanted for years.”
Brendon walks over to me and takes my hand. “I want you, Ryan. You’re all I care about. I want to stay.”

I smile shyly at him and ask, “Well, how do you make it go away?” pointing at the door.

“I have no idea,” he shakes his head. He turns to face it warily. “I, um,” he clears his throat. “I want to stay,” he says loudly. Nothing happens. He sighs in frustration. “I want to stay,” he says, louder and firmer. This time, the light appears again, a tiny glow at first, but growing bigger. Brendon grins at me. “I think it worked!”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” I say again, smiling back at him.

“Ryan, just imagine if it works, and I’m alive again. Just imagine how happy we could be,” he says, his voice full of excitement and wonder. I’m smiling wider than I can ever remember smiling before. “We could-” Brendon suddenly falls down. He looks up at me with fear. I have no idea what’s going on but then Brendon starts being dragged toward the door by- something. I can’t see anything, but something is dragging him. “Ryan!” he cries out. “Something is pulling me!”

I rush forward and grab his hands, trying to pull him back to me but whatever has him won’t let go. “Brendon!” I yell, feeling tears in my eyes. “No, please don’t leave me. Please don’t take him,” I call to the invisible force, hot tears spilling from my eyes now.

“Ryan,” Brendon calls again. “Ryan, help me!” The door swings open and all I can see is light. Brendon continues to be dragged backward, so close to the door now. I’m pulling him with as much strength as I can, but it’s useless.

“Brendon, no,” I cry, my insides twisting and screaming at me to do something because this is it, he’ll be gone forever.

Brendon is halfway through the door, tears falling down his face, and he looks at me once more, holding tight to my hands. “Ryan, I love you,” he cries before letting go of my hands and being dragged completely through the door.

“No, no, Brendon, don’t leave me!” I scream, trying to grab him again. I get one last glimpse of his terrified face before the door slams shut, the light coming back and then all of it disappearing. “No, come back! No!” I scream over and over, pounding my fists on the floor where the door was. My bedroom door bursts open and Spencer rushes in looking frantic.

“What the hell is going on?” he rushes over to me, taking in my hysterical crying form.

“Brendon- he’s gone,” I sob. “They took him, he’s gone.”

“Hey, calm down,” Spencer shushes me. “What do you mean? Who took him?” I shake my head frantically.

“I don’t know, Spence. His door appeared and he said he wanted to stay but then something started pulling him in. I couldn’t see it, I don’t know what it was, but something took him and now he’s gone and he’s never coming back,” I cry harder, tightening my hands into fists. “Patrick said there was only one chance, and that was it. He can’t come back now. What am I going to do without him?” I sob. I get up, grabbing my car keys and putting my shoes on.

“What are you doing?” he asks worriedly.

“I’m going to Patrick. He has to help me. Brendon can’t be gone forever,” I rush out, heading out the door and down the stairs.

“Whoa, you can’t drive like this, are you crazy?” Spencer grabs my arm. I yank it away and continue down the stairs.

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do!” I yell. I reach the front door with Spencer worrying behind me the whole way.

“Ryan, stop!”

“Fuck off, Spencer!” I scream, tearing past him and onto the front lawn. “I love him, don’t you get that?” I yell at him.

“I’m coming with you,” he says desperately.

“No,” I say with finality, getting in my car and driving off before he has a chance to get in. I can hear him shouting at me to stop but I ignore it. It’s raining but I ignore that too. As soon as I’m a few streets away I put my seatbelt on, and then I speed down the roads trying to get to Patrick’s shop as fast as I can. I look at the digital clock on my radio- 8:30 at night. I don’t know why he’d be there this late but I can only hope that he is because I feel like I’m about to have a nervous breakdown. My hands are shaking on the steering wheel and my breaths are coming out uneven and choppy.

I turn the stereo on, trying to focus on anything other than what just happened. The CD I had in starts playing and when I hear the song my heart sinks and I start crying all over again. ‘Tonight will end in tragedy, whoa, tonight will end in tragedy,’ comes from the singer’s voice through the speakers, and isn’t that song just perfect. Adrenaline pumps through me as I speed through the streets, making sharp turns and not even caring if I do crash and die.

I finally pull in to the parking lot of Patrick’s shop, and I heave a sigh of relief when I see that the lights are on. I rush out of the car, slamming the door behind me and run into the shop with tears still running down my cheeks. I burst in and Patrick jerks his head up from the counter, looking concerned and wide-eyed.

“Ryan,” he says dubiously. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Brendon. He’s gone,” I cry, leaning onto the counter with my head in my hands, shaking it furiously. “He’s gone. His door came and he said no but something pulled him in,” I recall the events to him quickly.

“Something pulled him in?” he asks, shocked.

“Yes, something took him away from me,” I yell. “Patrick, I need him. Please, I need him,” I repeat, going hysterical, panicking.

“Ryan, you have to calm down,” he says calmly. “Look, I don’t know what to tell you. If I could help I would, believe me, but there’s no way to get him back if he’s already gone through his door,” he says sympathetically. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head some more.

“No, no,” I say, my voice rising. “I love him. Please,” I plead. Patrick looks at me helplessly, like he doesn’t know what to do.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers genuinely. “I really am.”

“This can’t be happening,” I cry, shattering sobs wrenching from me. Patrick puts a hand on my shoulder and attempts to comfort me, but all attempts are lost. I sink down onto the floor and lean against the counter, holding my head in my hands and sobbing, completely out of control.

Patrick rounds the counter and sits next to me. “I have no idea what this must feel like,” he says softy, “but here, I’m going to put my number in your phone, so you can call me if you need to talk,” he pulls my phone from where it’s sticking out of my pocket and starts punching numbers in. A minute later his own phone vibrates and he smiles. “Now I have your number too. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here okay?” he says, patting my shoulder one last time. I nod, but I don’t feel any calmer. He helps me up and I feel my lip trembling as fresh tears streak my face.

“What made his door appear?” he asks suddenly. I fight past the lump in my throat and try to find my voice.

“He fell in love with me,” I whisper. “That’s what he was supposed to do before he was murdered. He was supposed to fall in love with me.” I can feel myself losing control again as I think about the way he looked when he said he loved me not even half an hour ago.

“I’m so sorry,” Patrick says again with sadness in his eyes.

“I fell in love with him too,” I choke out. I shake my head and abruptly turn around and leave.