The Addict

I am a fake
A constant go-getter of fate
I lost track of time
I carried my mind on a plate

I seasoned it well
With acid and M.D.M.A.
Then I howled at the moon
Til the sun burnt out both of my eyes ;

That was the lyrics that were playing from the Ipod in the background, but it was never noticed as he held onto his crying lover, his one true love. They weren't the kinds to really cry, that couple, but the withdrawal from drugs caused the lover to shake and sob, sobbing in his arms, clinging onto him as if he was his whole life.

The truth was, he was his entire life. Completely.

They were each other's life.

Jayce, the drug addict. Vinnie, the mender.

Jayce would always crack a small smile as people would say in taunting ways that he didn't care for Vinnie, he only cared for his precious drugs. But Jayce needed Vinnie more. If he didn't, he would of taken an overdose.

He had no, no reason to keep on living if it wasn't for his Vinnie. People didn't realize just how much Vinnie mattered to him. Didn't realize just how much Jayce needed Vinnie, because fuck…he needed Vinnie so much. Jayce had…no one else. Everyone else had left him to fend for himself. Everyone else was far too disgusted to talk to him, or even be around him.

Jayce clung onto Vinnie as the pain was washing over him like furious waves. Maybe they were furious? Maybe his body cells were furious at him for forcing them to share their homes with those pesky chemicals. The cool cells. The bullies. Maybe the cells were mad and was now punishing him by putting him through that horrible pain.

Vinnie gave him soothing kisses down his jaw and neck, trying to distract his broken boyfriend. Vinnie was feeling guilty for having convinced his Jayce to try and give up drugs.

Could you blame him though? He had been an audience to this tragic theater. A theater where his dearest Jayce had landed on the main role. The role that was to suffer and take quick steps towards a certain death.

No, Vinnie wanted to end that tragic threater. Or at least fix the script. Erase the addiction. Write in some love. Write in some high self estem. Vinnie wanted his baby to see himself for what he was, a beautiful human being that did mistakes, just like everyone else.

---

Vinnie ran a hand through Jayce's hair as he had finally managed to fall asleep and as he continue to run his hand through his hair, Vinnie's mind started to work. It always did when Jayce wasn't in with him, or asleep. Left Vinnie alone with his own thoughts and fear that he would wake up one night and Jayce wouldn't be lying in his arms. That Jayce had left, or died.

Both was possible. He knew that.

Vinnie grabbed Jayce's collar and pulled him close, not even realizing that he was near to sobbing. Not that it mattered though. He was allowed to cry when there was a rope around your boyfriend's neck.

"Why? Why the fuck would you fucking do that? You fucking stupid piece of shit! How the fuck do you dare to even try and leave me? Don't I mean anything to you? Am I nothing to you? Am I so fucking horrible you have to hang yourself?" Vinnie nearly screamed, his tears falling in frustration, desperation but most of all fright, fright that he would lose his baby, his lover, his one and only love. Jayce was everything to him and he was so unbelivably afraid to lose him.

Jayce hung with his head slightly, and let out a small whimper as Vinnie pulled him closer. Jayce's head found it's way to Vinnie's shoulder and he sighed. "I just wanted to make it easier for you…You don't deserve me. You don't deserve to be with someone like me, someone that's high all the time, someone that looks at himself in the mirror and itches after stabbing himself…" Jayce mumbled and Vinnie had to hold back a gasp.

It hurt, it actually hurt to hear Jayce say those words. It hurt to know that Jayce thought, thought those things. He placed his hands on his cheek and stared him into his beautiful, stunning eyes. "I want you, okay? I love you. I fucking love you, idiot. You won't make shit easier for me if you end your life. You'll make me sign a deal with the devil and sell my soul in hope that i could get you back. Fuck…i love you, Jayce, i can't fucking live without you. Yes, yes, it hurts, it god damn hurts to watch you shoot heroin, or snort coke, but I still need you. I need you so fucking much. Don't ever try and leave me again…I can't live without you. I just can't.." Vinnie said and before Jayce had the chance to protest or do anything really, the drug addict felt Vinnie's we t lips, wet from tears running over them, press against his own.

Vinnie knew he shouldn't worry that much, be that scared to lose his baby, but could you really expect him not to worry? Not to be scared? When he had already once tried to commit suicide? When he had already overdosed on heroin and been near death? Vinnie was scared. Beyond fucking scared but whenever he looked at him, he couldn't help but love him more and more for every second he kept staring on him. His Jayce.

Jayce moved slightly under Vinnie's touch and Vinnie ran a hand once more through Jayce's hair and bit his bottom lip. "How are you, baby?" he asked softly and Jayce's whimpered. "I need…i need some coke…heroin. Speed. Weed. Give me something." he pleaded and Vinnie's heart broke.

"I….we have no money….we have no money at all…I'm sorry, baby." Vinnie mumbled and Jayce let out another whimper. "I need, I need more dope, Vinnie. I need it for fuck's sake!" Jayce said, grabbing Vinnie's hand, squeezing tightly, causing Vinnie to hiss. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Jayce's forehead. "I'm sorry." he mumbled and Jayce shoved him away.

That wasn't unusual. It wasn't unsual of Jayce to have a violent behavior when in need of dope. He was just happy it was only when Jayce was having an withdrawal. Honestly, he didn't even blame him once. Not even for the time he nearly broke his ribs. It wasn't an abusive relationship, it was a relationship with drugs involved and the side effects of drug abuse. Vinnie knew that and anyone that tried to even hint to it being an abusive relationship, Vinnie refused to talk to.

He was touchy about. He didn't like people thinking his Jayce treated him wrong. He didn't. The drugs treated him wrong, not Jayce.

Vinnie stroke his hair, letting it tangling the slight sweat hair, a detail Vinnie barely noticed as it didn't matter to him. Nothing Jayce did, or felt like, digusted him. Vinnie had cleaned him up from puke and sweat too many times to count, too many times to care. He didn't look upon it as a pain in the ass, he just wanted good for his Jayce. It wasn't duty, he was there no matter what because he loved him far too much to leave Jayce to fend for himself.

Jayce looked up on him and took his hand, playing with it in an exhausted manner, sighing. He was in pain. He was in a whole lot of pain and he knew that it hurt Vinnie to see him like this. Jayce didn't mean to hurt Vinnie, he didn't mean to do anything wrong, but it happened and it stung that he was such a horrible boyfriend. He pressed each finger from Vinnie's hand against his cold lips. He lifted himself and pressed his lip against Vinnie's jaw, stroking his cheek. "I love you." he said softly, before resting his head on his shoulder, and pulled himself closer to Vinnie.

Vinnie kissed his ear and smiled softly. "I love you too, Jayce." he said softly.