Hidden Butterflies

"Hottie at three o'clock!" My best friend, Brooke, screamed at the lunch table. I spun around to see who Brooke was talking about. Of course, it was Adam.

I leaned across the table, almost spilling my milk in the process. "Brooke, that's Adam."

Brooke gasped. "Adam? Your new neighbor? Damn, i should go to your house more often." She said sipping her Coke. I rolled my eyes. "What? Oh, right! You have dibs, you saw him first! I am a terrible friend foe even thinking I could go after him!"

"Brooke! I love you, but stop talking." I laughed.

Brooke started to smile. "He's looking at you." I turned around, and staring directly at me was Adam, who was still wearing his black hoodie. He smiled at me before turning back around to his friends.

"Looks like he already befriended the football morons." I joked.

"Of course he did. Hot guys always sit together." Brooke took a loud bite of her carrot stick.

"The football players are not hot. And neither is Adam."

"Tess, you blush whenever you say his name. Not only do you think he's hot, but you like him. If Sarah were here, she'd agree with me. Brooke said confidently.

"Where is Sarah anyway?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.

"She has fourth period lunch. And don't try to change the subject!" She yelled. I smirked. "Look, Adam is the first time you've liked anyone since Micheal. For God's sake, you spent all summer mourning the death of your relationship!"

"We were together for over a year." I defended myself.

"Which was way too long! He treated you like shit!"

I wasn't ready to start fighting with Brooke. She didn't know the full story. She doesn't know that Micheal saved my life. One day, he tried to surprise me by coming over my house after school. But, he walked into my room and saw me with razor in hand a bloody wrist. After crying and confessing absolutely everything to him, he made me promise him to never hurt myself again. I had to keep my promise, so I stopped. And I haven't cut since then. Even though we broke up, I still haven't cut since that day. It was hard, but I did it, for him.

"You don't get it. And I'm not explaining it to you." I said. It killed me that a guy who I don't even talk to anymore, knows more about me than my own best friends.

"Whatever, now you have Adam." Brooke snarled. If only she knew everything I was hiding, life would be so much easier. I felt like a terrible person, a terrible best friend. The one and only thing I want in life is for her to know everything that happened last year to the one person who's been there for me since first grade. But I can't. Not now, not ever.
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"I don't like Adam." Was all I could say.

"Okay, look. Last year, you weren't the Tessa I know and love. You were a zombie! An emotionless zombie! And even though you say it was cause you couldn't sleep from all your homework and stress and shit, I know that isn't the truth."

"Shit. Did she figure it out?" I thought to myself.

"Micheal was bringing you down! He was sucking the fun and life out of you! But now, he's gone. Forever. And you can move on, with Adam!" Brooke said cheerfully and sincerely.

Not in the mood to fight, I got up and began from the table and started to turn around. "I'm gonna go." I said.

"Wait! There's ten minutes left of lunch! Don't leave me alone!" Brooke protested.

"You don't understand what I'm going through right now. And you don't understand why I'm not ready to move on. I'm done talking to you about this. Go talk to Adam or something. I don't care." I slung my backpack over my shoulder and walked away. Before leaving the cafeteria, I grabbed a plastic knife from the bin of utensils. Without anyone noticing, I snuck outside to the wooded area where some people eat lunch on sunny days. I clenched the knife in my hand, and headed out the door.