Sing Me To Sleep

As time went on, things started to change. My dad kept coming home late and I could tell it was bugging my mom. One night my mom came into my room and told me she had to leave, that I need to take care of my sister.

"Mom, what's wrong?" She sits down next to me and starts to cry. I've never seen my mom like this before. It was breaking my heart and I felt the tears pour down my cheeks. My mom looked so fragile, so sad and weak. In between sobs she explained.

"I- I need to go look for your dad. Since we mo-moved h-here, he has picked up gambling. Your dad has a gambling problem. That's why he comes home really late some days. He spends most of the paycheck in the Casino's." She takes a deep breath and continues. "I've asked him several times to quit but he just doesn't listen. He's also been drunk driving and it worries me so much that he driving in such condition. The other day..." She starts to break down and I held her close. I couldn't believe what my dad has been doing. I just couldn't. He has been the reason why my mom has been acting like this, the reason why she is breaking down in front of her daughter. I was beyond sad and pissed. After she calmed down she finished "The other day, your dad was coming home drunk and ...a-and he almost hit some guy in a bike...I'm so afraid what will happen next, what if he gets into a serious accident? or worse what if he kills himself in an accident. I couldn't live through that. I need to go get your father." I was still holding on to my mom as she poured her heart out. I silently cried with her and my little 4 year old sister, Esme, comes in and sees my mother. She quickly goes up to her and starts rubbing her arm in a comforting way and she tells her. "No llores mami, esta bien. No llores. (Don't cry mommy, it's okay. Don't cry.)" I lost it right there. My little sister was comforting my mother and she was able to stay strong. My mom sat up and told me to take care of her and she left. I just sat there taking everything in.

How did I not see this? I should have talked to my mom when Jaime told me. I could have told my dad to stop if I knew. I was really hating myself for not realizing it sooner.

As I heard the garage door open, Marisol came into my room.

"Where is mom going?"

"She's going to go find dad." I told her blankly.

"Por que?" Confusion displayed on her face.

"Because dad has a gambling problem."

"Oh,..." She turned around and started leaving when she stopped in tracks. "WAIT WHAT." She spun around and faced me.

"Yeah, dad has a gambling issue and mom is worried and is going to go find him. She was here crying."

"WHAT THE FUCK HE MADE HER CRY. WHAT IS THIS SHIT."

"Mari, watch your language. Esme is here."

"Oh, sorry. I'm just really disappointed."

"I am too."
She turns around towards her room and takes Esme with her.

I took the opportunity to Skype Jaime. When his face popped up on the screen and he had a big smile spread across his face, I would have smiled hugely back if I didn't feel like shit, but his smile quickly changed to a frown when he saw me.

"What's wrong, Ariel? Is everything alright?" I broke down, I couldn't hold it anymore. I was so afraid what will happen next. "Oh, honey, don't cry. Please, tell me what's wrong. You're worrying me, baby."

"Jaime, remember when I told you something was up with my mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I found out what's going on. She been worried because my dad has a gambling addiction and he's been spending most of his paycheck gambling, coming home late, drunk driving. He almost hit a person one time. I'm so worried and afraid what could happen next." He was listening with a serious face until I finished and he gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Baby, I'm so sorry for what's going on right now. I wish I could be there with you and help, but I’m here and will support you. Your dad had an addiction and it's hard for someone to over come an addiction quickly. You should try talking to your dad. Tell me how you feel. He can maybe think things through. Ya know, maybe stop little by little. It won't be easy."

"Ugh, I feel so bad because I didn't realize this sooner. I should have asked if something was wrong. Why was he coming late, but I didn't." I was crying again. "I had to see my mom cry, Jaime. SHE WAS CRYING ON MY SHOULDER TEN MINUTES AGO. Do you know how heart breaking that is? I feel so helpless. I don't know how to make this better. What if they fight and separate? I wouldn't be able to handle that." The amounts of tears in my eyes wouldn't let me see things clearly.

"Ariel, please calm down. I hate seeing you like this and it's killing me I can't be there to comfort you. You need to be strong for your mom, your dad, your sisters. I know seeing your mom cry isn't easy but be strong, for her. She's going to need you through this tough time. One reason why I fell in love with is because you have such a kind heart and you always want to help and fix things one way or another, but don't put yourself down because you can't find a way. You can't always fix things Ariel. It's in your dad's hands to be able to quit. You just need to be there and support your family, which is important."

"Jaime, I need you here with me right now. I need to be able to hug you and kiss you."

"You don't know how much I wish I could be there too. I want to be there to hold you and tell you everything will be okay. To protect you and I'm sorry I can't. Hell, I wish I could teleport to you. Trust me Ariel, you can make it through this. We will be in each others arms soon, promise." He brought up his right hand and smiled at me.

I brought up my right hand, "Promise." I giggled "Thank you for everything, Jaime. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I'm always here for you, forever and always."

I looked at the time on the bottom corner of the screen and it was almost midnight and my mom hasn't come home yet. Jaime noticed my worried face.

"What's worrying you, love?"

"My mom hasn't come home yet."

"Don't worry, I'm sure she's fine. If something bad happen you would have heard about it sooner. Bad news always comes first."

"You're right, I just can't help it. So ho-" I heard the garage door opening and the front door slammed shut. "I think they're here." Suddenly, I heard shouting from my mom. "DONDE VAS, NO HEMOS TERMINADO DE HABLAR, FERNANDO. ME ESTAS ESCUCHANDO?! (WHERE ARE YOU GOING, WE HAVEN'T FINISHED TALKING, FERNANDO. ARE YOU LISTENING!?)"

"DEJAME EN PAZ. ME QUIERO DORMIR. (LEAVE ME ALONE. I WANT TO SLEEP)" Then the door was slammed shut.

I looked at Jaime wide eyes. He had the same expression.

"This was what I was afraid of."

"Babe, it's normal for them to argue on something they don't agree on. Don't stress about it. Be there for your mom and don't push things right now. K?"

"Alright, I'll let you go and check up on my mom."

"Okay, if you need anything don't hesitate to call me. Okay? I love you, Ariel."

"Promise, I love you too. I'll talk to you later."

"Alright. Bye."

We disconnected and I walked out of my room and into the living room. I saw my mom sitting on the couch starring off. Her face was blank with dried tear stains. I was heart broken.

"Mom, are you okay? Is everything okay?" She jumped lightly at the sound of my voice. She wiped her face quickly and answered.

"Oh, Oh, yes, everything is okay. Your dad is just showering right now and going to bed." She forced a smile on her face. I just looked at her, not believing her.

"Mom, don't lie to me. I heard you two yelling at each other."

"Mija, that's normal for a couple to argue. Nothing is going to happen. Go get some sleep, you have school tomorrow."

"If you say so. You should get some rest too, Mami. You've had a rough day. Okay? Promise you'll go sleep."

"Yes, Mija. I'm just going to watch my novela and go to sleep afterward." She smiled light and I gave her a goodnight kiss on her cheek.

"Okay, I love you mom. Good night."

"Te quiero tambien. Buenas Noches. (I love you too. Good night.)"

After that night, things started to calm down with my parents but other problems started to escalate.