Life, When You've Got Nothing Left to Lose
Introduction
My name is Ellen. I live in Bozeman, Montana and go to a public school here. Yeah, I only have three friends. We depend on eachother. We grouped because we listened to the same music and we have the same intrests. We have always wanted to start a band, but we don't have the money.
I have brown hair that comes down to my chest. I'm short, but just shorter than my friend, Mac.
I stared through the dirty window at the other kids from my school. Stupid teacher with her stupid rules. She had made me stay inside as a punishment. I wasn't mad because I wasn't out there, I was mad because my friends were out there without me.
I looked at my friend Alec. He was sitting on the curb with his hair in his face. He looked up slowly, waving to me. I waved back. His hair was whipped away from his face by the wind.
Alec noticed, and shook his hair back into place.
I heard a muffled scream from behind the window and I shook my head. Mac. I turned my head toward him and my other friend, Jenna. Mac ran behind Jenna, they were in love. They were the cutest couple. Mac tackled Jenna to the ground and she screamed for him to stop.
"Ellen! You can go out now." my English teacher said.
I got up and literally ran out of the room with my head down.
"Ellen?! Did she let you out early?"
Alec came running toward me. He has this beautiful, dirty blonde, longish hair. He is medium height. He's beautiful...
"Yeah, I'm surprised too." I said.
He laughed and lead me to the curb, where we would sit for the rest of recess, watching Jenna and Mac run around.
Mac had brown long hair, and it would curl at the end. He was short, but never cared.
Jenna had the kind of hair that was wavy. It came down to her stomach and she was skinny and tall.
The trees in the sky towered above the kids playing on the black top.
"So, I'm so motherfucking bored." Alec told me. His face was so close to mine. So close, that I could feel his breath on my face. Shit.
"Same here, it is always like that." I said.
Alec tore some of the grass from the yard and began to pick it off.
"I'm sorry."
He quietly said.
"ALEC?!"
I stood up and glared at Alec.
"You didn't..."
I said. Shit, not again.
"I'm sorry, Ellen. I did."
Alec is a drug addict. I've tryed to get him to quit. It's way too hard for him. I quit a few weeks ago, and him and my other friends were the only ones who knew. I wanted him to quit so badly.
I sat back down and put my face in my hands.
"Ellen, I'm so sorry! I... I can't help it! It's too addicting. It controls me. I can't stop."
"Alec! You know I care about you!"
"I know, and I'll try harder..."
"Okay... try."
"I will!"
I gave him a hug and walked into the school at the sound of the bell.
Time Elapse...
The bell rang.
"Halleluyeah..."
I said to Mac, who was in my history class.
"Hell yes."
We walked out, and I started to my locker.
I walked home with Jenna.
"How was your day?"
Jenna asked me.
"One word, shit."
"Same, except for Mac."
"Of course..."
We got to my house and I walked up to the doorstep.
"Good luck!"
Jenna yelled after me, meaning my parents. I hated them with a passion.
"It's not going to help!"
I yelled.
She chuckled and I closed the door.
"Ellen? Is that you?"
"Yes, mom. It's not a murderer."
I said back.
"Come here."
Shit... I thought. That was her, you're-in-trouble voice.
I walked into the kitchen slowly and my face drained of color.
She had found it.
I kept drugs under my bed, and mom always cleans the room on today.
She sat down and geistured for me to sit down.
"What are these?"
She held up a bag of my drugs.
I felt my face go red.
"Mom, I-"
"This is illegal, Ellen.
It's pier pressure."
"No, it isn't! You can't blame my friends for this!"
"Yes, I can."
"IT'S MY FAULT! I'M THE FUCKING ONE WHO TOOK THEM!"
Fuck!
"What?! You... stole them!?
You know what else I found?"
I looked away.
"Smokes, Ellen, smokes."
"Mom..."
"G-get out..."
"WHAT?!"
What the fuck did she mean?!
"GET OUT."
I felt my eyes fill with tears, and my vision got blurry.
"Mom...
Mom, where am I going to go?"
"Don't know, don't care."
I got up and dashed upstairs. I grabbed all of my good clothes and thousands of skinny jeans, stuffing them into my biggest bag. I ran into the bathroom, and grabbed my toothbrush, toothpaste, eyeliner, and brush... and soap. I can't live without that. I tried to place my laptop, iPod, and cords into my bag as well, but my tears were burning in my eyes. I finally aimed at the bag and got in. I also stopped and grabbed my emergency packs of ciggarettes and drugs... just in case.
I wiped at my tears, and took all of my electronics and put them in my bag with some blankets. I knew what to get. I had thought of this before.
"Don't bother coming back."
My mom said, as I ran towards the door.
I grabbed my phone.
"DO YOU THINK I WANT TO?!"
I slammed the door behind me, running no where, really.
I got to the park.
The park was where Alec and I would go when we talked, by ourselves. We would talk about everything. And I would secretly crush on him.
It was so beautiful. Alec and I would watch the sunsets wash over the canvas of the sky. Dark orange and blood red streaks across the sky.
It had countless trees and one huge one in the middle.
I stumbled to the middle tree, where Alec and I lay. Several birds landed in the tree in front of mine.
I pulled my pack of smokes out of my bag and lit one.
Dragging and blowing out puffs of smoke, I pulled out my vibrating phone.
"Hello." I said and pulled out my cig.
"Hey. It's Alec.
How are you?"
I have brown hair that comes down to my chest. I'm short, but just shorter than my friend, Mac.
I stared through the dirty window at the other kids from my school. Stupid teacher with her stupid rules. She had made me stay inside as a punishment. I wasn't mad because I wasn't out there, I was mad because my friends were out there without me.
I looked at my friend Alec. He was sitting on the curb with his hair in his face. He looked up slowly, waving to me. I waved back. His hair was whipped away from his face by the wind.
Alec noticed, and shook his hair back into place.
I heard a muffled scream from behind the window and I shook my head. Mac. I turned my head toward him and my other friend, Jenna. Mac ran behind Jenna, they were in love. They were the cutest couple. Mac tackled Jenna to the ground and she screamed for him to stop.
"Ellen! You can go out now." my English teacher said.
I got up and literally ran out of the room with my head down.
"Ellen?! Did she let you out early?"
Alec came running toward me. He has this beautiful, dirty blonde, longish hair. He is medium height. He's beautiful...
"Yeah, I'm surprised too." I said.
He laughed and lead me to the curb, where we would sit for the rest of recess, watching Jenna and Mac run around.
Mac had brown long hair, and it would curl at the end. He was short, but never cared.
Jenna had the kind of hair that was wavy. It came down to her stomach and she was skinny and tall.
The trees in the sky towered above the kids playing on the black top.
"So, I'm so motherfucking bored." Alec told me. His face was so close to mine. So close, that I could feel his breath on my face. Shit.
"Same here, it is always like that." I said.
Alec tore some of the grass from the yard and began to pick it off.
"I'm sorry."
He quietly said.
"ALEC?!"
I stood up and glared at Alec.
"You didn't..."
I said. Shit, not again.
"I'm sorry, Ellen. I did."
Alec is a drug addict. I've tryed to get him to quit. It's way too hard for him. I quit a few weeks ago, and him and my other friends were the only ones who knew. I wanted him to quit so badly.
I sat back down and put my face in my hands.
"Ellen, I'm so sorry! I... I can't help it! It's too addicting. It controls me. I can't stop."
"Alec! You know I care about you!"
"I know, and I'll try harder..."
"Okay... try."
"I will!"
I gave him a hug and walked into the school at the sound of the bell.
Time Elapse...
The bell rang.
"Halleluyeah..."
I said to Mac, who was in my history class.
"Hell yes."
We walked out, and I started to my locker.
I walked home with Jenna.
"How was your day?"
Jenna asked me.
"One word, shit."
"Same, except for Mac."
"Of course..."
We got to my house and I walked up to the doorstep.
"Good luck!"
Jenna yelled after me, meaning my parents. I hated them with a passion.
"It's not going to help!"
I yelled.
She chuckled and I closed the door.
"Ellen? Is that you?"
"Yes, mom. It's not a murderer."
I said back.
"Come here."
Shit... I thought. That was her, you're-in-trouble voice.
I walked into the kitchen slowly and my face drained of color.
She had found it.
I kept drugs under my bed, and mom always cleans the room on today.
She sat down and geistured for me to sit down.
"What are these?"
She held up a bag of my drugs.
I felt my face go red.
"Mom, I-"
"This is illegal, Ellen.
It's pier pressure."
"No, it isn't! You can't blame my friends for this!"
"Yes, I can."
"IT'S MY FAULT! I'M THE FUCKING ONE WHO TOOK THEM!"
Fuck!
"What?! You... stole them!?
You know what else I found?"
I looked away.
"Smokes, Ellen, smokes."
"Mom..."
"G-get out..."
"WHAT?!"
What the fuck did she mean?!
"GET OUT."
I felt my eyes fill with tears, and my vision got blurry.
"Mom...
Mom, where am I going to go?"
"Don't know, don't care."
I got up and dashed upstairs. I grabbed all of my good clothes and thousands of skinny jeans, stuffing them into my biggest bag. I ran into the bathroom, and grabbed my toothbrush, toothpaste, eyeliner, and brush... and soap. I can't live without that. I tried to place my laptop, iPod, and cords into my bag as well, but my tears were burning in my eyes. I finally aimed at the bag and got in. I also stopped and grabbed my emergency packs of ciggarettes and drugs... just in case.
I wiped at my tears, and took all of my electronics and put them in my bag with some blankets. I knew what to get. I had thought of this before.
"Don't bother coming back."
My mom said, as I ran towards the door.
I grabbed my phone.
"DO YOU THINK I WANT TO?!"
I slammed the door behind me, running no where, really.
I got to the park.
The park was where Alec and I would go when we talked, by ourselves. We would talk about everything. And I would secretly crush on him.
It was so beautiful. Alec and I would watch the sunsets wash over the canvas of the sky. Dark orange and blood red streaks across the sky.
It had countless trees and one huge one in the middle.
I stumbled to the middle tree, where Alec and I lay. Several birds landed in the tree in front of mine.
I pulled my pack of smokes out of my bag and lit one.
Dragging and blowing out puffs of smoke, I pulled out my vibrating phone.
"Hello." I said and pulled out my cig.
"Hey. It's Alec.
How are you?"