Stay With Me

I didn't know where my feet were leading me but I soon found myself in front of the building that housed the only person whom I knew could help me make sense of everything.
I walked up to the reception desk and the lady smiled at me.

“Hello Sawyer.”
“Hi Stacy.”
“Here to see her?”
“Always.”
“She is in her room.”
“Thank you.”

I was walking the familiar hallways to the room of the person who was my world.
I knocked and opened the door.

“Hello my love.”
“Hi mom.”

She was organizing her mini vinyl collection, I guess my love of music is genetic I was always surrounded by it.

“Now my Sawyer come and sit with me and tell me what’s wrong.”
“How do you?”
“I’m your mom I always know when something is wrong my multicolored haired daughter.”

I walked over to her bed and sat down and leaned on her shoulder she put her arms around me and stroked my hair.

“It’s Gerard isn’t it?”
“How?”

She gave me her mother knows everything look.

“Yeah.”
“What is it this time, another wrong girlfriend?”
“You can kind of say that but-”
“But?”
“It’s different this time.”
“Different how my dear?”
“He wants me to go on tour with him and the guys and I said no.”
“That’s new, you always go.”
“Not these past couple of times.”
“and why is that?”
“I been trying..”
“Trying?”
“Trying to distance myself from him and trying to tell myself that it’s never going to happen because-“
“You love him. You didn’t tell me what is different about this tour Sawyer. Come on tell me.”
“He wants me to go so I can meet her. So I can reassure him if he is not making a mistake.”
“You mean Lindsay?”
“Yes both their bands got invited to participate in a summer tour and when I saw how excited he was and that twinkle in his eyes. I just knew he was going to get her. I just know deep inside mom that he is and it hurts so much.”

I couldn't hold it together anymore and let the tears slowly roll down my cheeks.
My mom was the only one who has ever seen me cry, not even Frank has seen me like this.

"Shhh baby girl it’s going to be okay.”
“How?”
“Everything, everything my dear happens for a reason.”
“Mom.”
“I know how cliche that sounds dear but it’s true and I think maybe you should go.”
“And torture myself?”
“No honey, go on this tour and….and let him go.”

I looked up at my mother’s face and something in her eyes…something inside me said that maybe she was right.
She brought me closer to her and let me ruin her sweater.

“Shhhh its okay let it all out.”

I held on to her.

“You really think I can.”
“I think you doubt yourself Sawyer. You are strong, independent, talented, and you forget the most important thing.”
“And that is?”
“That you are my daughter and you can overcome anything.”

The one person in the entire world who can always bring perspective to anything I have going on.
And….she was right.
I have to go, so I can let him go to a person whom he is crazy about.

**

I walked in to my apartment to find him sitting on my bed with his head in his hands.
I think he was mad at himself.
I had to break the silence and let him I was there.

“Hey stranger.”

His head shot up quickly jumped off my bed.

“Sawyer I’m so sorry that I yelled I know you don’t like it when people do I just lost a nerve and I-“
“I know…this is important to you or else you wouldn’t be so…passionate about it.”
“I am sorry. I am so sorry Sawyer.”

He came over to me and trapped me in a tight embrace.
It caught me off guard that I froze up and took me a couple of seconds to realize what he was trying to do.
He really was sorry.
You can do this.
I finally put my arms around his torso.
He kissed the top of my head.

“I am sorry.”
“I know.”

Do it.

“I’ll go.

He pulled away.

“Really?”
“Yeah…it could be interesting.”
“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!!”
“You’re welcome Gee.”

You CAN do this.
I hope.