Stay With Me

“I never realized…I have been so fucking stupid…Sawyer I lo-“
“Shut up….shut up! SHUT UP!!”

I stirred around in my bed, waking up to realize it was only a dream.

“Are you kidding me?”

I buried my face back into my pillow.

“I just want to sleep and dream like a normal person!”

I left my face buried in the depths of my soft comfortable pillow, pulling my blanket over my head not paying attention to the fact that someone had entered my apartment.

“Hey wake up sleepyhead we have to get to the airport in a few hours.”
“Ugh remind me why you have a key to my apartment?”
“You know why now come get up and get ready I brought coffee and muffins.”
“Ugh I don’t like you right now.”
“Liar, come on its time to get up.”

I turned over onto my back and kicked the blanket off of me and started to walk to my bathroom.
I heard a gasp behind me and turned around to see a flushed Gerard look away.

“What is it?”
“You uh…”
“Gee spit it out.”
“You’re just in a t-shirt Sawyer.”

He looked in every direction but mine.

“I sleep in a t-shirt what else is new Gee?”
“I just never saw..”
“It’s not like I’m naked Gerard, now out you go into the living room you since I have to get ready.”
“Okay.”

I think sometimes he forgets I am indeed a female.
I took a quick shower and threw on something causal since we are going to be on a plane for a few hours.
I walked back out to find me browsing through my records.

“Okay I am in normal people clothes.”

He turned around and smiled.

“So what have you been up to lately I rarely see you.”
“You know hanging out with baby bands and such, oh that one I guided to Craig got signed.”
“No way?! For real?”
“Yeah he called me a few weeks ago to tell me.”
I could stay still and talk to him normally I had to keep busy or else I would let myself feel what I feel for him.
I went to my room to retrieve my suitcase and my purse.
He sat at my dining table smiling at me, sipping on his coffee.
“What?”
“I just realized…”

Oh god no please don’t let my dream come true.

“yeah?”
“Your hair is blue.”
“Oh”

Thank you lord.

“Yeah I decided new tour, new color you know me. My mom loved it.”
“How is your mom anyway? I should really stop by and visit her, I miss her and her talks.”
“I think you should, I know she would like it. She always did like you.”
“Why did she move into the retirement home anyway? I thought she was happy here.”
“She was but I think she thought she was getting in the way of my life, which she wasn’t. She was the only thing I always looked forward to when coming back from a tour with you guys.”
“Really?”
“Yeah I always had someone to come home to.”

I tossed my iPod into my purse and double checked my suitcase again.
I couldn’t bare to meet his gaze again.

“Hey do you think I can ask you something and you won’t take it the wrong way?”
“Yeah Sawyer shoot.”

I have to pull away from him, let me just start with this.

“You think I can have my key back?”

His eyes got wide and he stopped mid sip and put his coffee down.

“Wha-did I do something wrong?”
“No its not like that, its just that-“
“was it because I woke you up this morning?”

He was slightly panicking

“Gee no listen I just think you aren’t going to need it anymore. I gave you that key when you weren’t sober so you could come here instead of trying to get home somehow. So you wouldn’t be alone when you completely gone. You how much you hated being alone when you were like that.”
“Yeah but I don’t understand why you want it back, I still need you.”

Please don’t say that. Please can’t you see how hard this is for me?

“I don’t think you do.”
“I-“

The ringing of his phone interrupted him.

“yeah. Alright we will be right down.”

He kept his gaze on me the entire time.

“the town car is here to take us to the airport.”
“I thought Frank was dropping us off.”
“I didn’t want to bother him this early in the morning. Come on before we miss our flight.”

We grabbed our luggage and met the driver in the front of my building.
The car ride didn’t help.
We both sat in silence, neither of us knowing what to say to break it.

Until the blast of black flag from my jacket pocket interrupted our silence.

“SAWYER!”
“FRANK! Hey what’s up?”
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay and Jamia told me to tell you to have fun.”
“ha ha alright shortie will do.”
“You will be ok you know that right?”
“I don’t see how you can say that.”
“I just know Sawyer and please try to have fun.”
“I’ll try.”
“oh! And tell Gee I set him up where he asked.”
“o-kay. What does that mean exactly?”

He giggled his infectious laugh

“You’ll see, have fun best friend.”
“Again I’ll try best friend. Laters.”
“Laters.”

I smiled and remembered where I was.

“I thought I was your best friend..”
“Gee really?”

I leaned my head again the window

“What? It’s a legit question! I thought I was your best friend.”
“You are.”

Sometimes more…

“Frank-“
“I can have more than one best friend Gerard. You are my best friend too.”
“Sawyer I just…things are changing and I don’t know if I like it.”
“Changing?”
“Yeah don’t you feel it?”
“Yes. I am just more open to it.”
“I will give you your key back…if that’s what you really want.”

No.

“I would appreciate it. I will collect it after we get back okay?”
“Alright.”

He unbuckles his belt and scoots closer to me and takes the seat next to mine and leans his head on my shoulder.

“You will always be my best friend Sawyer.”

I rest my head on top of his and wrap my arms around myself and kiss the top of his head.

“I know. You will always be mine.”

I hear him shift and take my arm and he snakes his fingers around mine.

I stiffen.

“Good.”

Is the last thing he says as we enjoy the rest of the ride in a comfortable silence.