Don't Forget

Thankfully Scott had convinced me to drink three full bottles of water before I eventually passed out. The fact that I ended up using the restroom every twenty minutes didn’t matter, because I woke up hangover free. It was hard to recall much of the night after I had successfully made Scotts bed.

“Tha’s the worst san’wich I’ve ever ‘ad!” Cody shrieked as he dropped the soggy bread to the ground. A single slice of ham rolled out of it, sticking to the carpet because of mustard coating it He finally had one free hand, but was in no condition to try and finish the other.

“I tried, yeh prat!” Brock countered with his hands still full. “Yeh know ‘ow damn ‘ard tha’ is to do?”

I rolled over on the bed I had claimed for myself and smiled widely. I’d had a good night; with my friends. I made it to bed without being touched, and Scott willingly slept on the couch while his friends blacked out on the floor. My arms reached above my head in a stretch meant to wake me up as I crawled out of bed and immediately targeted my satchel. I pulled my last pill out and sighed sadly before going to the bathroom and chasing it down with water. I would have dry swallowed but I already felt like I had a mouth fall of sand.

Taking advantage of running water, I stepped into the shower for only minutes and redressed in the clothes I’d had before meeting Scott. I then brushed my hair and grabbed my satchel. Today; I wanted to draw.

I started towards the door with my spirits higher than usual but was stopped dead in my tracks by one word.

“Oli!” someone had shouted. I wasn’t sure who, and I didn’t care. My breathing froze completely until I eventually had to gasp for air. I clutched at my chest. This is how it felt whenever he was mentioned after he left me.

Anger quickly replaced my shock as I gritted my teeth and slammed the door open, forcing it against the wall and certainly resulting in a hole that would need repair. Scott was perched on the arm of the couch while the three were still sprawled across the floor. Brock even still had his cups attached to him.

“Aye, Chris,” Scott said cheerily, obviously just awoken. He adjusted his glasses and hat before he stood. “Breakfast?”

“Yeh fuckin’ prick,” I simmered with my fists clenched. His face immediately turned to a surprised expression before he grew serious.

“Is this a joke?” he asked sternly. I watched the other three rise and make their way on the balcony to give us alone time.

“No it’s not a fuckin’ joke, Scott,” I spat with more venom than I figured I could leak. “Oli?” He sighed and sat back down, holding his head in his hands. He began to tremble just barely but his face revealed his shock.

“Listen, I can explain,” he began in a near whisper, loud enough so that I could hear.

“Yeh fuckin’ can’t keep yer trap shut, huh?” He released his head and looked at me with an interested look upon his face. “Yeh told them about Oliver?! Why the fuck would yeh do tha’? And wha’ would prompt yeh to ‘ave a discussion on ‘im?”

“Chris-”

“Shut it!” I cried. He cowered down immediately. “I don’ wanna be this angry with yeh but really? Were yeh makin’ fun of me?”

“No,” he spoke clearly.

“Well then wha’?” I breathed. I swear steam was erupting from my ears. He stood and paced for a good minute before he halted in front of me and held his hands out in explanation.

“Cody is good friends with Oli,” he started. Betrayal was the next thing I felt. “An’ he came up. I told him once he said ‘Oli’ to drop it, but didn’t explain why.”

I crossed my arms and licked my bottom lip that had begun to chap. “Do yeh know ‘im? Yeh one of ‘is spies? Are they?”

“Stop interrogatin’ me!” he snapped. I was taken aback and stepped a foot away. He instantly looked apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

“Answer me,” I demanded, feeling tears threaten to well.

He dropped his head and rubbed at his neck. “I used to.” My heart dropped and I stormed towards the door. “Wait! I mean I thought I did! Way back when! When none of this happened. Before…you.”

No way was I going to let this be forgotten. I spun around on my heel and burned holes into his frame. “This is exactly why I didn’ wan’ to be friends. I knew this shit would happen, yeh fuckin’ liar.” I didn’t wait for him to reply. I ignored the fact that he opened the door and created a scene trying to get my attention. I needed my vice, and I needed it now.

~~~~

It was slowly approaching two o’clock as I reached the alley way. My face was stained with tears and eyes were swollen and red, as if I’d just taken a beating. I tapped my foot impatiently and scoffed with every minute that passed.

“Got a treat for yeh.” I nearly jumped out of my skin at the voice. Tommy had appeared next to me without me realizing it.

“Yeah?” I asked, wondering if my heart beat could be heard over my voice. “Wha’s tha’?”

“I can tell yeh it’s free,” he started. “But, it’ll cost yeh somethin’ else. Somethin’ more than usual.”

“Deal,” I spoke quickly. I knew what he was referring to. He smiled and nodded as he turned and walked away and I followed like a noble puppy. I ignored the fact that he’d be the first person I’d had sex with since Oliver. I ignored everything. When he said he had a treat for me, it was always well worth it; especially now.

~~~~

I left Tommy’s flat feeling more defeated than I had in a long while; even more so than my scuffle with Scott this morning. What a fucking disgusting man. I knew what I was in for but I didn’t expect anything of that sort. I didn’t think I’d start crying because when I shut my eyes I imagined Oliver, and when I dared peel them open I saw my dirty drug dealer.

I squeezed my hand tightly around the small baggie he’d given to me. Inside were a small pill; Adderall, and a whopping bit of ecstasy. That was my treat. Was it worth it? I’d know in time.

I swallowed the prescription pill dry, fighting back the gag I felt I needed and started towards downtown. I needed to go back to how everything was before I’d met Scott. I wanted nothing more than to get high and draw people before falling asleep in an alley. I didn’t want friends; they only cause heart ache. I didn’t want my brother, or Oliver, or anyone. I just wanted to get lost in myself.

Once I’d finally reached the courthouse stairs, my hopes were so low and I felt so discouraged that I didn’t even try to draw. I left my notebook sound next to my water bottle in my bag. Instead I watched the sky. The clouds still obviously threatened more snow, even though it had already stuck to the ground at three inches high. I sighed. Maybe I’d get lucky enough to catch pneumonia.

“Chrissy?” a meek voice spoke. My first instinct was that Scott had followed me, but beyond second analysis, this was not his bold, lower voice. I curiously crooked my neck only to let my jaw drop.

There he was before me; my own flesh and blood. Brayden’s shadow overtook my frame as he reached his hand down to help me to my feet. The world spun a bit as I did, seeing as I’d taken more of my pill than usual. I’d forgotten to break it in half.

“B-Brayden?” I whispered in disbelief at my own brother who felt like a stranger by this point. He tried at a smile but failed. His eyes were full of guilt and horror as he took in my appearance.

“How long?” he asked before pulling me into a hug. I graciously accepted and clung onto him for dear life. “How long ‘ave yeh lived on the streets? Please don’ say since yeh left. Tha’ was so long ago.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized through stuttered breaths. “I couldn’ go ‘ome.”

“Oliver?” he spoke grimly. He and Oli had always been close. I regrettably even met Oliver through him at a party when I was eighteen. “I though’ yeh let ‘im go. ‘e’s changed, Chris.”

I shook my head violently. “Don’t talk about ‘im. How’ve yeh been?” I pulled away and wiped away an actual tear of happiness from seeing my brother. He began to speak but sighed, raising his fingers to my cheek.

“Yeh need to eat,” he decided. “I’ll explain everythin’ then. C’mon.”

~~~~

“Yeh sure yeh’re full?” Brayden asked cautiously as he watched me toy with my food. I shifted the rice around on my plate before mixing it in with the refried beans. He had already eaten his two enchiladas before I’d managed three bites of rice.

“I ate this mornin’,” I fibbed. My guilt arose deep in my gut. “Friend’s ‘ouse. So how’re yeh and…Lisa?”

“Lisa,” he nodded in confirmation before scratching his mop of sandy brown hair. “I couldn’ tell yeh. ‘aven’t seen ‘er in a few months.”

I furrowed my brown and took a sip of my water. “Really?”

“Yeah, she was a cheatin’ whore,” he smiled. I returned his expression, just happy that he didn’t go through what I had. He was the one who made the decision. “I ‘urt, Chris, trust me. Nothin’s painless,” he began what I knew would turn into a lecture. “I didn’ feel good enough, or tha’ I mattered. I wanted to disappear forever. But I kept through it. I learned ‘ow to let go, and yeh need to do the same.” I opened my mouth to speak but he hushed me. “Yeh can’t live homeless and dwell on some arse yeh dated in high school. I get yeh loved him; I saw how much yeh did and I saw how much ‘e ‘urt yeh. But please, for yer sake, get a hold of yerself.”

I didn’t know how to counter or what to say so I carried on playing with my food. From his exacerbation I could hear his frustration.

“Come ‘ome,” he pleaded. My eyes perked up and I watched him closely in case I could detect lies through his expression. “I’m serious. Come back ‘ome. Sleep in a bed, ‘ave food and water, get in a position to get a job and move forward. Start over, Chris, and get to livin’. It is possible.”