Drink the Poison Lightly

Saturday. What is to be said about Saturday? It comes after Friday, is the seventh day of the week, and is also characterized by Saturday morning cartoons, all of which I am not interested in. Although I used to believe the end of the week brought pure agony, Saturday is now my favorite day of the week.

To this very day, I will never forget the second week of third grade, which had changed my view point completely. "Pen Pals" had been written on the black board in large, chalk letters. That's when it all had started. The casual letter every week had became my normal, and Saturdays had quickly became my virtue.

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I sat quietly in my room and anticipated my weekly letter, which seemed to be the only thing that was keeping me sane in this hell hole.

"Is it your boyfriend that writes you ever week," Sarah, my bipolar roommate, asked.

"No," I said, kindly, "he's just a long time friend." But could I even call him that? We were simply just third grade pen pals. We had never met each other nor had we ever spoken to each other voice-to-voice. That didn't really sound like a solid friendship to me.

"Oh," she said, with a bit of disappointment. "I just thought because-- well you always seem so happy when it comes to those letters of yours." She gave me a weak smile and headed toward the door. "See ya then, enjoy your Saturday," and with that she left the room, gone.

"Is it your boyfriend that writes you every week?" The question began to play over and over in my head. I let out a small, disappointed laugh at the thought of my boyfriend, Nathan, putting the effort to even think of writing me every week. Hell, we were in the same town for goodness sakes and not once had even thought of coming to visit me. But hey, I get it! Why waste your time in the looney bin when you can have any dirty slag you want?

"Hey Ari!" The sudden interruption had pulled me from my thoughts. "I brought you your mail; I hope you don't mind," Zac, my best friend, said poking his head through the door.

I smiled at his presence, and waved him over. As he drew closer, I couldn't help but to take note of his familiar appearance. He had a nice sun-kissed look to him, which I had always thought strange for a boy from Ireland, that complimented his other features. His brown, quiffed hair, soft freckles, and large brown eyes, which had a smidgen of orange that seemed to dance elegantly through his irises, all went together so nicely.

Though I had known him my entire life, it still scared me how he could be the spitting image of Nathan and still be so different. I suppose I had never fully grasped the idea of the two being twins.

"Thank you," I had finally managed to say.

"Don't mention it," he said, kissing my head softly and giving me a quick hug. He took a spot on my bed before speaking again. "How are ya mate? Ya doing alright?" His light, Irish accent began to sound slightly thicker.

"I'm alright I suppose, but I am still in here so I guess I could be better." I pulled a leg to my chest and gently rested my head on my knee.

"But you're getting better here yeah? You haven't-- uh well, you know since my last visit have ya?" I could hear the concern in his voice. The way he looked at me said it all.

"N-no, it has been a long while, but I've thought about it, a few times actually."

He let out a small sigh, but let his thought pass. He gave me an off smile and closed his eyes for a second, fighting himself to drop the subject.

"Well Mum, Dad, and I are real proud of ya, even though we do worry about ya sometimes. We know that you're doing the right thing being here." He placed a hand on my back, rubbing small, slow circles in the center.

"And what about Nathan? Has he said anything about me lately? Anything about coming to visit?" I asked a little too eagerly. I felt as coming off as clingy, but I didn't really care at the moment. I hadn't seen my boyfriend in a long time, and even though he wasn't a great one he was still mine.

Zac simply rolled his eyes at me. "Why are you doing this to yourself Ari? He's a douche and you know it. He doesn't truly care for ya babe; if he did he'd be here."

"How can you say such things about your own brother," I asked immediately, without giving a second of thought.

"That's exactly the point! He's my brother and I can't stick up for him after all of the shit he put you through." He looked at me with complete disbelief. "I still don't get how you can."

I didn't understand either. I don't know how he could put me through hell and I could still love him to pieces. It makes all the sense in the world and yet no sense all at the same time.

"Really Aria, it's fucked up. I mean, he is a huge reason to why you're in here."

"Shut the fuck up, Zac," I snapped at him. "Yeah, I know he didn't help, but it's not like he held a gun to my head and forced me to do it either. It was all me. I did it to myself, Zac." It had came out a bit harsher than I had wanted.

"He might as well have because it's not like he even cared to help you either, he just made things worse. And Aria, you really can't blame yourself for everything. It's not your fault that you're life ended up being so screwed up." Zac looked at me with sad eyes and a heavy heart. "Whatever, I've got to go. I'l give ya a visit later next week yeah?" I nodded, suddenly feeling bad for getting so upset when he was just trying to help. "Here love, see ya later," he said handing me my mail before he headed towards the door.

I watched him diligently as he walked away. I bit my nails with unexplained angst.

"Oh and Ari," I heard him call from the hallway, "you deserve better."

His last three words hit my ears like silver bullets. I knew that I should have moved on long before, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Nathan, no matter the cost.

I probably should have pondered the thought a little while longer, but I couldn't concentrate with Niall's letter sitting in my hands, just waiting to be read.

So without a second thought, I ripped open the sealed envelope and began to make out his crooked handwriting.

Dear Aria,

How am I? God, I can't remember the last time I had been asked that question, and I actually answered truthfully. But I'm exactly how I was last week. I'm happy on the outside, and miserable on the inside. I'm just fine in the public eye, but as soon as I get behind closed doors it's a completely different story.

How do you it? How do you get on through life the way you do, or did, and still never show one ounce of how you really feel? How do you hide it so well without just offing yourself? Or possibly this is too morbid of a subject for you at the moment? Never mind then, please forget the thought until further notice. Oh and please don't you worry yourself about it either, trust me I haven't really put the thought of killing myself in my head. I'm just simply curious. Let's just focus on you yeah? How exactly are you feeling nowadays, seeing as how you never really tell me anymore?

Ha! Who new my girl was a scrapper? Oh, but I bet they were nothing like your old pub fight stories you would tell me from time to time. Now those were brawls! I swear you get more and more Irish everyday. I feel like a proud father. But you should probably calm that shit down so they won't have any reason to hold you there another six months.

You have no clue how happy I am for you that you're almost done there. I know how much you hate it there, but I'm so glad you're better than before. I'm real proud of you Aria.

HA! You are just on a role today mate. I can't remember the last time I had laughed so hard, but yes Mr. Celebrity will be sure to take you on as many shopping spree's as you'd like. You better tell that boyfriend of yours that he's got some competition. How are the two of you love birds? You are still with him right? What's his name again? Noah? Nathaniel?

Yeah, I guess we kind have already broken that rule. Well I'll be sure to give you a ring whenever you'd like and I wouldn't pass up a Skype date with you for all the money in the world! Okay, so maybe not, but you're a pretty close second on the list.

Oh! I almost forgot to tell you. The boys and I won five awards last night! I know you probably don't care, but I figure I might as well tell you. Though I do find that to be a great thing about you, I like how you aren't a huge fan of One Direction, or at least you don't let on that you are. I really appreciate the feeling of a genuine friend who doesn't care what my profession is.

I've got to go sit through another painfully repetitive interview, so I guess I'll hear from you Tuesday.

Until then,
Niall.

P.S. That was a lovely picture of you, but could you possibly send another copy? The original had gotten uh-- ruined(;

P.S.S And they say Harry is the cheeky one. I beg to differ.