Drink the Poison Lightly

Dear Niall,

Answer truthfully. I don't want you to go around pretending to be something you're not. That's a good way to get yourself in the psych ward like me. I'm worried about you, you know? I may be overly sarcastic and playfully witty, but that doesn't mean I don't care.

Too morbid? HA! When did you suddenly become a "save the gory details" kind of guy, Ireland? Your humor just keeps getting better with age, I swear. You were just curious huh? Well remember, curiosity killed the cat, mate. Never, and I mean never, think I'm too "ill" to handle the truth. Be honest with me, or I swear I will never write another letter. Understand?

How did I do it? Like how did I deal with it? Guess what? I didn't. I avoided the problem over and over again. I masked it with a few things I shouldn't have, and here I am. Look who drew the short stick. How did you get this way anyways? The first few times I just thought you were getting homesick or whatever, but this has been going on for quite some time. It doesn't seem quite right to me. You might want to get yourself checked out. I know, I know "what do you know, Aria? You know I can't just leave my job for some bullshit reason." However, that's just the thing, mate, it isn't BS. It could be serious.

ANYWAYS, we've been talking about me since day one, Niall. Nothing much has really changed since I unloaded a few weeks back, but if you insist. Yes, NATHAN and I are still together, but he hasn't came around lately, so I suppose we aren't doing great. I have talked about him in absolute ages and that's mainly the reason why. I'm sure he's sending his love though. Other than that, I've been feeling quite alright. Zac came to visit me, as usual, but we got into a fight about Nathan. I'm slightly afraid I've ruined our friendship. WOW, I'm really keeping this weekly letter light aren't I? Enough about all of our trials and tribulations.

Moral of the letter, mental health is no fucking joke and my social life certainly isn't poppin'.

Cheerio,

Aria.

"Mate, you get letters from this girl every week, and you've never even spoken to her face-to-face?" Liam walked into Niall's hotel room and took a spot on the couch next to Niall.

"Aye. Liam, that defeats the purpose of the letters. Why write if you're going to call?" Niall spoke defensively. He wasn't one to take much seriously, but Aria's letters were something he felt passionately about.

"I get what you're saying, but haven't you ever thought about giving her a ring? You must have her number. You do fancy her right?" Liam was becoming intrusive. He had known about this Aria girl since day one, but he never quite understood. He honestly thought it a bit strange that two people could be so close, but they've never been close enough to make eyeconact.

"It doesn't quite matter if I fancy her or not. She has a boyfriend, and I respect her. Besides, we're simply friends."

Liam placed a hand on Niall's shoulder, shaking him a little. He smiled awkwardly. He was unsure on what to say to such a determined statement.

"Well, I came in here to see if you wanted to come out with the boys and I? We're still buzzing off the show and we want to blow off some steam." He stood from his current spot and looked down at Niall.

Niall could think about 100 other things he would rather do than hang out with the other 1D boys. More and more often the thought of going out when it wasn't nessasary seemed pointless. "No. I'm alright here. I'm pretty tired myself. Thinkin' about heading off to bed soon, mate."

"Are you sure? We're planning on smashin' it. I'm sure it would be more fun with you there." Liam subtly began to plead with Niall.

"I said I'm going to bed, Liam. You and the rest of the boys will be perfectly fine without me," Niall snapped. He stood this time and placed Aria's letter on one of end tables. "Please, just go." He guided Liam towards the door.

"Dammit, Niall. I'm just trying to get out of this damn room for a while. You've been so off lately." Liam's voice rose in volume. He had taken it personally that Niall wasn't himself. It wasn't like Niall to blow the boys off.

"Don't be too serious about it, Liam. I'm just sleepy is all."

Liam looked at Niall with a concerned look, but he let it pass. "Well, I'll leave you to it then." Liam dropped the subject and left, Niall closing the door behind him.

Niall ran a hand through the dyed bits of his hair as he walked through the hotel room until he reached the bathroom. He stood idle in front of the mirror and held a tight grip on the sink. His hands were wrapped so tightly around the porcelain that his knuckles drained of their blood and turned white. He looked at himself and began to feel ridiculous. He had always been the level headed one. Niall Horan was the type to crack a few jokes, go out to drink, and smile about anything that could possibly happen. His reflection suddenly showed someone else. He no longer enjoyed going out, his smiles were hardly ever genuine, and he only drank to drown his new found sorrow.

Niall hadn't even known why all this started. He only remembered waking up one day and determining something was no longer right. Everything seemed to be too overwhelming for him.

Empty thoughts had started to rot his teenage brain, but he didn't care. He only wanted, craved, one thing. The lack of it's taste beneath his tongue gave off a certain itch. His skin began to tingle as he reached for the bottle that laid on the shelf behind the mirror he was looking into. Without these few pills, life seemed almost unbearable to the boy. The switch had flipped and all of the shits he gave were suddenly gone. He had became a pill-popping popstar.

He placed a couple of pills into his mouth and replaced the cap onto the bottle. Then, he walked from the bathroom and to the minifridge that held a fairly new bottle of whiskey. He upcapped it, took a long swig, and swallowed hard. This had became his instant healer.

He stumbled back a bit, until the large bed was behind him. He smiled in a high bliss before passing out onto the matress.