Time Heals All Wounds

Christofer Drew Ingle had been dating John O’Callaghan for about 8 months, and they had been engaged for about 3 of those months. Everyone told them that they were rushing things, but they never saw the need to wait when they loved each other so much more than they could have possibly imagined.

John left their New Jersey apartment like any other morning, with a kiss to Chris’s cheek, a cup of Joe and a slightly crooked tie. But Chris had a bad feeling about that day. He laughed it off as nerves for the upcoming wedding that was set for 2 weeks away, and goes about his day. He manages to do a load of laundry and read the last chapter in that novel he had been meaning to finish. Before he can start a load of dishes, he hears the phone ringing, and picks it up.

It’s John, and he sounds frantic but calm all in the same voice. It’s the twin towers, he said, a terrorist attack. John works on the 11th floor of the south tower and it’s not looking so good. But he was relatively close to the ground and he was going to try to help a few of his injured co-workers.

He hushes Chris’s protests, telling him that he’ll be fine, he loves him, and he’ll see him soon.

Chris never hears from John again.

They never found his body, but they put his name of the list of the dead. They have a small ceremony at his childhood home, where his parents still live. It wasn’t much; everyone said a few words and Chris didn’t wipe away the silent tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn’t stop staring at the tiny, empty urn on the mantel with John’s full name engraved in the metal. Everyone offers words of compassion and support and he desperately tries to remember everyone’s name and relation, but it’s hard and his head hurts so much and he can’t take it anymore. The next thing he knew, he was on his knees in the front yard, slamming his hands into his head repeatedly to try and stop the throbbing pain. He blacks out soon enough, and when he wakes up, he’s sleeping in the guest bedroom.

John’s mother insists he stay with her and Mr. O’Callaghan. ‘Family sticks together.’ She quotes, trying her best to smile through her tears. But even though he stays, he can’t connect to their pain.

They lost a son, a child and no one ever recovers from that pain. He lost the love of his life, they one who knew him inside and out, who saw him at his best and his low and accepted him regardless of his baggage.

He couldn’t talk or cry with them, because then it would remind him of John and he couldn’t handle it, it would be too much. It wasn’t long before he moved out and back into the empty apartment with promises to call and visit even though he knows he never will.

The first thing he did was take all of John’s clothing and packing them in boxes stored in the closet. Next went his books and movies, and all the little things that reminded him of the tragedy. The only thing he couldn’t bear to part with was the engagement ring. That stayed in its rightful place on his left ring finger, where it would never leave.

Then he tried to move on. He went about his daily routines. Going grocery shopping, watching the news every morning, and reading an hour before he went to bed. The routine was familiar and comforted him in the slightest, but was also awkward and strange. It went this way for a year, a few months after the anniversary of John’s death that he spent alone with a bottle of alcohol and one of John’s shirts.

Everyone told him he wasn’t coping, that it wasn’t right for him to still be crying anytime something reminded him slightly of John. He shouldn’t still be wearing his ring; he should be going out and moving forward with his life. But he didn’t want to move forward, he was perfectly content to live with the happier memories when John was still alive and Chris was happier.

One day at the supermarket, he ran, literally ran into another boy. They both apologize and fumble around for the items they dropped. Chris looks down at his sticky finger, sighing when he realized the carton of eggs broke. He throws them away and goes to start shopping again. The boy is seemingly shopping for the same items. They introduce themselves and Chris finally, really looks at him. He has tattoos adorning his body and has a British accent.
Chris, he tells him his name and his was Oliver. They made small talk while Chris got another carton of eggs. They found themselves still chatting about random things like the crazy rain they had been having and the bad accident that was causing traffic on the highway as they checked out and walked back to their cars. Oliver asks for his number, saying he’ got to make up for those broken eggs and Chris gives it to him, fully expecting to never hear from him again.

The next day arrives and Oliver calls, asking if Chris wants to grab a cup of coffee. He agrees without thinking and heads to the aforementioned place. He orders a Pumpkin Spice latte, because he can only remember John’s favorite drink and not his own but Oliver doesn’t know that and buys it for him. Payment, he said. He tells Chris to call him Oli, because calling him Oliver reminds him of his mother. They laugh and they talk for over two hours before agreeing to meet up again and going their separate ways.
When he gets home, the headache returns, the same headache from the funeral and it’s ten times worse. He cries for hours and ends up smashing a plate against the counter.

Oli calls again a few days later and this time, they go to the movies to see the new horror film that came out earlier that week. Oli originally suggested the new sci-fi movie, but Chris said he wasn’t really interested in sci-fi, when it was really because it was John’s favorite genre of movies.

The other man doesn’t try anything at the movies, besides opening every door for him and paying for his ticket, which Chris is thankful for.
Two cups and a glass ashtray are broken and Chris uses up another box of tissues that night upon his return.

They got out again and again over the next few months, and Chris hates himself more and more with each time they do. Oli never pushes him too far, because he once tried to hold his hand during a walk in the park. He pulled his hand away with excuses of not being ready or being embarrassed. Oli believes him.

He didn't think that it was possible, but he finds himself thinking that he may love Oli, but he isn't sure because all he can think about it how ashamed John would be to see him moving on so fast and how weird it is becaus he's only loved one other person in his life before and that was John.

It wasn’t until that winter that it happened. Oli had walked him home from their latest date. When they reached the front door, he reached out and tied to grasp Chris’s hand again, only to be met with the cool metal of Chris’s engagement ring against his fingertips.

They must have looked like maniacs, yelling out at each other in the brisk, winter air. Oli couldn’t believe he was engaged and leading him on and Chris said he had never even been sure they considered themselves dating.

He left soon after the words left Chris’s mouth with a scowl and the stomping of his boots. Chris had gone inside, able to hold it all in until he began to change. He saw a box at the bottom of the closet with no label, and he took it out and opened it, pulling out on of John’s shirts and slipping it on.

After he leaves a dent in the wall about the size of his fist, he calls John’s mother, because she is possibly the only person who could understand what he was going through.

Surprisingly, she does, and he spills it all to her. The feelings towards John because he still loves him and always will. How he might possibly love Oli, but doesn’t know if he could deal with loving two different people, one of whom is dead, and how the hell could he put Oli through that.

Her answer is simple; tell Oli everything he just told her. But he still sobs like a baby and she comforts him to the best of his ability.

He waits a few days to give Oli sometimes to cool off before calling him. He begs him to listen, that he needs to meet with him and explain everything and he’s scared Oli will say no. But he doesn’t and they agree to meet at the park the next day.

Chris tells him everything, from how Jon and him first met and how he proposed and how he can’t look at the empty side of the bed anymore and how he feels so emptyemptyempty inside but he wants to move on, move on with Oli, who just sits quietly until Chris is crying so hard you can’t understand the words coming out of his mouth.

Oli reaches out and rubs his glove-covered hand under Chris’s eye, then leans forward and crashes their lips together.

And somehow, he knows that he’ll be ok. That Oli will help him, that John is ok with him moving on because he wants him to be happy and he thinks he can do that with Oli. Because time heals all wounds.