Lost in Paradise

Here I am
A spirit.

I'm dead, and have been for a little over 4 years.
Sometimes I still wonder if he remembers me.

---
I guess that you can say it's been a little bit of a "Romeo And Juliet" twist in this story. Gerard died, I killed myself, and he was brought back again somehow. So now we're stuck in two different worlds. Afterlife, and life.

I don't regret killing myself, at all. But honestly? Deep, deep down, sometimes I do. There's barley any emotions to feel. But I haven't forgotten love, because I died for it. So I guess that's probably the only emotion i'll feel for a while.

I think you're probably wondering,
Heaven or hell?

I'm not even sure myself. All I feel is this empty void inside of me, I can see so many other spirits around me.. But.. I stopped trying to get their attention a long time ago. It's fucking useless. They know i'm there, but they act like i'm not.

There are two kind of spirits here.

Some of the spirits look angry as fuck, their 'skin' has slight burn marks on them. They're probably the only ones I've not dared to approach, because when I walk close to them, I feel so angry, and frustrated. As if I wanted to kill everyone around me. (Even though they're already dead)

Some of the other are really pale, almost a really light shade of green. They look terrified, they shake all the time and avoid getting close to any of the others. If anyone approaches them, they disappear into nothingness.

I call the first kind Ira
It's the Latin word for 'Anger'.

I call the second kind Timor
I think it's the Latin word for 'Fear'

I'm not sure if i'm any of those. I don't feel fear or anger. I just feel empty, numb. I decide not to overwork my head about it. I don't do anything, I just lay there on the ground.. Hoping, wishing, that one day I can be with Gerard again.

---

I let my head fall to the side, spotting another girl a bit further away. Her skin wasn't pale, and her face wasn't red. As a matter of fact, she looked like me. She was hugging her knees, and her skin had an average colour. I shuffled to my feet quickly and walked over to her, it's been a while since I've talked to anyone. I stood there, watching her. You'd think awkwardness and anxiety would die along with you, right? But no, it'll stick to you like a bitch for the rest of eternity. I finally took a deep breath before sitting down beside her, she looked up from the ground at me.

"Hi.." I smiled, biting my bottom lip nervously.
"Hello." She answered, still hugging her knees, watching me.
I bit the insides of my cheeks.
"I'm uh, I'm--"

"--Frank Iero , right?" She interrupted, I was a slight bit confused she knew my name. I nodded, still confused. "How did you kn--?"

"Everybody knows." She interrupted again, looking in front of her.
I frowned, "What? How?"
"You're one of the few here who doesn't want to kill anyone or themselves." she answered.
"Wait, so there are others like me?" I spoke, sounding a little happier.

She looked at me again. "Other like you who died for love, you mean?" I nodded.
"Do you know why those spirits are angry or terrified?" she asked, I shook my head. "No, all I know is that they are." I answered.

She smiled, seeming pleased that she had to tell me about them. "The angry spirits, they died from either murder or suicide. Their loved ones broke up or cheated, that caused them to kill themselves. If they were murdered, they had someone they loved and didn't want to leave on earth."

I nodded, "What about the frightened ones, then?"

"Pretty much the same, but they have a different way to react to it. It developed major depression.. Scared of everyone and everything. Scared of getting hurt." she replied. I looked at her again. "What about, me and you then?" I asked, she went quiet and stared at me. I was now scared I had said something wrong.

"We are the patient." She said shortly, then got up. I looked at her, she started walking. I sighed, then she stopped and looked at me. "Well, are you coming?" I smiled and got up, she took my hand and led me somewhere I haven't been before.