Left on the Sidelines

-Katia-

*Saturday; 11am*

"Morning, sleepy head!" I squeaked happily when he walked into the room after waking up, giving him a hug. He grunted quietly, not hugging me back and I frowned, letting go of him. "What's got you in a bad mood?" I asked, receiving no answer. He sat on the edge of the couch, putting his head in his hands. I sighed, plopping down onto the chair across from him. I didn't know why he was upset, but it was clear that it was something I had done.

It had been about 10 minutes and he still hadn't said a word to me and that was when I knew I was going to have to get annoying. I slid off of the chair and crawled the short distance to the couch. I laid down on the floor and scooted back so my head was between his feet.

"Are you gonna talk to me yet?" I asked, looking at him. He finally moved his hands and looked down at me for a moment before shaking his head. I quickly jumped up before he could leave the room, sitting on his lap and telling him in the most serious tone I could manage, "Well, that's too bad because I'm not moving from this spot until you do." He sighed, moving back so he was completely sitting on the couch. Even though he was mad, he still didn't want me to fall and get hurt. "What's wrong?" I questioned, earning a shrug. "I can sit here all day, Jamie. You, however, can't because you have a photoshoot to go to in-" I looked over at the clock, "-two hours. So talk."

5 minutes later, he was still refusing to speak and I was starting to get more agitated with every second that passed. I let out a frustrated sigh and climbed off of him, walking to the door and leaving our apartment. I made a sharp right and just walked into Danielle's place, not even thinking about knocking.

"Uh, come in?" Nash looked over at me in confusion.

"Where's Danielle?" I asked.

"Why?"

I sighed, "I've been trying to get Jamie to talk for the past 20 minutes, but he won't speak to me!"

"She doesn't feel well, so she went back to sleep..."

"Well, go wake her up!"

"Okay! Okay!" he exclaimed, jumping up and rushing into their bedroom. I heard Danielle whine and I'll admit I felt bad about waking her up, but I needed answers. Nash came back out of the room, pulling Danielle along with him. He let go of her hand when they reached where I was standing, but she kept moving, shuffling past me and out of the apartment.

-Jamie-

"Jamie Christian Follese!" Danielle shouted groggily as she burst through the door, making me jump, "You better have a damn good reason for not talking to Katia!"

I truthfully wasn't really mad at her; just disappointed.

"I don't know why you're ignoring her and I'm too tired to care," she continued loudly, "But I swear on my career that if you don't tell her everything that is going on in that small, small brain of yours, everything we saw on Criminal Minds last night will seem like a fucking picnic compared to what I will do to you." She left just as annoyed as she came in, leaving me to wonder what the hell just happened.

-Katia-

"He's all yours," Danielle stated plainly, walking back inside the apartment. She didn't bother looking at Nash or I, she just trudged over to the couch and grabbed a pillow, throwing it on his lap and laying down to watch TV.

"Thank you," I mouthed to him as he began playing with her hair. He smiled and nodded slightly before I left the apartment. I stood in front of my door for a minute, taking deep breaths before finally mustering up the courage to walk inside. Even though I was hoping whatever Danielle said to him worked, I was beyond nervous about why he was so upset with me. I quietly entered my apartment, only to find Jamie was no longer sitting on the couch. I heard the refrigerator door close and Jamie talking to himself.

"Quit being a dick, Jamie," he whispered, unaware I was in the next room, "She loves you and you love her. There is no reason you can't talk to her about this."

I heard him start walking toward where I was, so I opened the door and closed it again so he would think I just came back. As soon as the door shut, I turned and my eyes met his. I stared, suddenly finding myself unable to talk. He wasted no time, however, quickly walking toward me and embracing me in the tightest hug I've ever gotten in my life. I hesitantly hugged him back, but not nearly as enthusiastically as I had half an hour ago.

"I am so, so, so, so, so sorry," he started rambling immediately after letting go of me, "I know I shouldn't have, but your Twitter was still logged in on my computer and I didn't mean to look and I don't know why I did but I did and I don't understand why people are saying those things about you and then a box fell out of the medicine cabinet and y-you promised me that you wouldn't hurt yourself anymore, Katia, you promised and I know I shouldn't have taken my feelings out on you the way I did, but yo-you promised," he finished in a whisper, his voice breaking. As shocked as I was about him finding out, it absolutely broke my heart hearing and seeing how devastated he was.

"Jamie," I shuddered, "Sit down." He looked like he was about to pass out and he just fell onto his knees right where he was standing. I sat down in front of him and took his hands in mine, holding them tightly.

"You p-promised," he stuttered quietly, his voice shaky.

"I know I did, Jamie, and I'm sorry - I really am - but I couldn't stop myself," I mumbled, "Nothing I do is ever good enough for them and I just wanted to feel better."

"B-but you were doing s-so well."

I smiled sadly, "No, I wasn't, Jamie. I was just really good at hiding it." I sighed, lifting the hem of my shirt and pulling down on the belt loop of my shorts, revealing a mess of both old and new cuts on the skin covering my hip bone. He gently held my hip and ran his thumb across the uneven skin, frowning.

"Y-You promised," he repeated for the fifth time, sniffling and finally looking up at me.

"I know," I whispered. I took his face in my hands and wiped his cheeks. I shuffled a bit so I was now sitting in his lap, laying my head on his shoulder and lightly drawing circles with my fingers on his lower back.

"Why do you believe them?" he asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence, finally able to speak without stuttering.

I didn't say anything - not because I was afraid he wouldn't like my answer, but because I genuinely didn't have one. I don't know why I let people's rude comments get to me. I try not to, but I can't help it. I suppose it's kind of like an addiction or a force of habit in that way. No matter what I do to try and get away from it, it always finds a way to creep back into my mind.

"It's not true," he said, holding me closely, "Every single word of it isn't true. You are the most beautiful and funny and talented and passionate person I've ever met and I don't understand why people can't see what I do. They don't get to see the way your eyes light up when your favorite song comes on the radio and they don't get to watch you dance along to it like I do. They don't get to see how your smile puts me in a good mood after a long day of working in the studio and they don't get to feel the way you hug me every day when I walk through the door. They don't get to hear how contagious your laugh is and they don't get to see that no matter how bad the joke was, everyone in the room laughs when you do because of it. They don't understand how much I love you because what happens out there is nothing compared to what happens inside of these walls."

I'm sure he could have rambled on and on about why he loved me, but I'd heard enough. I moved back to look at him and smiled slightly.

"I love you, Jamie," I told him.

"I love you, Katia," he said, kissing me, "So much."

Suddenly, we heard our phones go off simultaneously and recognized it as our Twitter notifications. We typically would have ignored them during a moment like this, but when they kept going for a couple minutes after, we gave in out of curiosity. We stood up and walked over to the couch, sitting down and grabbing our phones off of the coffee table, going to Twitter. My notifications were blowing up with apologies and words of encouragement, as were Jamie's, but Danielle's Twitter handle was in front ours. Jamie tapped a tweet and it was a reply to something Danielle had tweeted with a video attached.

@MissDanielle137: Things I'm seeing daily are not sitting well with me and everything I have to say was too much to type, so here.

Since our names were being mentioned in tweets, it was pretty obvious that the video was about us, so Jamie went into the bedroom to get his laptop so we could watch it. Once on Twitter, he went to Danielle's page and clicked the YouTube link in her tweet. When the page loaded, Danielle was wearing the same clothes we just saw her in, sitting on the floor, and leaning against the couch.

"I'm too sick to be making this video," she muttered, "But whatever. It needs to be done." She sighed, attempting to collect her thoughts, "Hey, guys. I know I hardly make videos anymore, but I needed to film this right now even though I'm not feeling well because quite honestly, I'm getting tired of all the bullshit I've been seeing on Twitter lately. I'm sorry if this is like, 20 minutes long because I could literally go on about this forever and I can't be bothered to edit it. Anyway, I wanted to do kind of like an interactive thing, so let's just get into it." She took a drink of her orange juice before going on, "I want you to go to your Twitter page and find the last thing you tweeted about Jamie and Katia. Now, I want you to read that tweet - in your head, out loud, to your teddy bear; I don't care - and I want you to determine whether that tweet is positive or negative. If it's positive; Congratulations, this video isn't about you because you're a decent fucking human being. If it's negative; Stay put because we need to have a little chat. I want you to read that tweet again and ask yourself: 'If I was dating someone famous, would it make me feel good to see someone say this about me?'. If your answer was yes, leave now because you are a fucking liar and I am not gonna deal with whatever ignorant comments you feel the audacity to think I give a shit about. If your answer was no, then why the hell are you saying those things to Kat? Like, I just-" she paused, taking a breath to calm herself. "I don't understand. I really don't. And I don't know if she's going to watch this and if she does, she's going to kill me for saying this, but oh well. If you've never had to watch your best friend relapse or break down and cry until she can't cry anymore, I genuinely hope you never have to because that shit is the most heartbreaking thing I've ever experienced. And as much as it annoys me to admit it, I know that this video isn't going to change some people's minds or make them stop, but if you get anything out of this, please just try to understand that she doesn't deserve all this - neither of them do. Katia is one of the most amazing and ridiculously funny people I know and she is also a very talented drummer and I am honored to have her play for my album. I can only hope that one day, you'll realize how happy she makes Jamie and how much his confidence has improved because of her. I don't think I've ever met a couple that love each other as much as those two do and I just want everyone to be able to see that." She smiled and ended off the video, "I guess that's really all I have to say on the matter for now. Thank you so, so, so much to everyone who has been so supportive of not just myself during the making of this album, but also of the band and their music and our relationships. I'll try to maybe film like, a cover or a Q&A or do a Twitcam or something soon, but until then, I'll see you on Twitter." She blew a kiss and the video ended and Jamie and I kinda just sat there speechless for a moment.

"I don't know whether I want to kiss her or kill her," I laughed quietly after a couple minutes.

"How about we kiss her, then kill her?" Jamie suggested, grinning evilly. I smirked and he set his computer on the table in front of us before standing, pulling me up with him, and we went over to her apartment. We walked in and she looked at us, smiling sheepishly and standing as we made our way to her. I gave her a smile and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Thank you," I said quietly.

"I love you," she smiled into my shoulder before pulling away.

"You know," Jamie said, wrapping his arms around her, "We originally planned to come over here and kill you, but I think we just silently agreed that it was better to keep you around. Not everyone would do what you did for us, and I love you very much."

"I love you too, Jamiebear," she giggled.

"Plus, Nash would have our heads if anything happened to you on our watch," he chuckled.

"Damn right, I would," Nash laughed, walking into the room.

-Danielle-

*Saturday; 10pm*

"Guys!" Jenna called from the living room, "It's about to come on!" Nash and I rushed into our living room, gave everyone their drinks, and sat down on the couch, waiting for the show to start. A few minutes after the introduction, the show cut straight to their one-on-one interview with me.

"Is that really what I sound like?" I accidentally asked out loud.

Nash chuckled and kissed the side of my head, "I think you sound cute."

"Yeah, you better," I mumbled, laughing quietly. Next came Jenna's interview, then Katia's, Caity's, Maren's, Cameron's, Ryan's, Jamie's, Ian's, MacKenzie's, and finally, Nash's.

"Hi," he smiled awkwardly, "I'm Nash Overstreet and I am the guitarist for Hot Chelle Rae."

"Tell me about your relationship with Danielle," Angie told Nash from off camera. His face almost lit up when she said my name, kind of like mine does when someone mentions him. I could hear the smile in Angie's voice, "You love her?" I smiled, laying my head on Nash's shoulder and squeezing his hand. He kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer to him.

He smiled and nodded slightly, "I love her. I don't know how else to describe it. When I wake up every morning and her face is pressed against my neck, I can't see myself with anyone but her. She makes me fall more in love with her every day and I don't think she's ever going to stop. That girl never ceases to amaze me and I hope that this album gives her everything she could ever want because she deserves the world." I smiled again, quickly wiping a tear off of my cheek and lifting my head to look at him.

I kissed his cheek and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you more," he replied quietly, kissing my forehead.

-Nash-

"I understand it took quite the effort to get her to be your girlfriend," Angie laughed quietly.

"She's stubborn, that girl," I chuckled, "But after realizing just what she went through in her last relationship, I really don't blame her. I have her now and that's all that matters."

The show cut to Angie asking Danielle, "Do you ever regret not agreeing to be Nash's girlfriend earlier?"

She laughed, "If you asked me that a couple months into the relationship, I probably would have said yes, but I honestly don't."

"Why not?"

"He fought for me," she replied, smiling, "And that's not something I'm used to." She took a moment to think before continuing, "Every day, he's showing me that not every relationship has to be like what my last one was. He's taught me that it's okay to argue and it's okay to have days where we absolutely cannot stand each other because at the end of the day, I love him and he loves me, you know? Like, you can do everything to convince yourself that you love someone, but if you're scared to even be in the same room as them, that's not something you should be putting yourself through - and it took me a very long time to understand that. Being in this relationship and just seeing how Nash is with me has taught me that no matter how many times someone tells you they love you, if they're not doing anything to prove it, they don't. I think the most important thing he's done for me isn't buying me anything or writing me a song - I think the most important thing Nash has done is show me that I don't have to be scared to fall in love again," she smiled, "And I can finally say I'm not."

The show went to a commercial and the group let out an "Awe!" I chuckled, holding Danielle tighter and kissing her cheek.

"I love you," I smiled when I pulled back.

"Oh, I know," she smirked, "How could you not after that speech? I think I just won girlfriend of the year right there." Everyone laughed and she smiled proudly, laying her head back on my shoulder.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Near the end of the episode, there was a scene of Danielle staring at herself in the mirror before our album release party. By this time, she was sitting straight up with her head tilted slightly, watching the TV carefully and it was very obvious she didn't know they were filming her at the time.

We heard a voice over of Danielle saying, "You always hear about girls hearing or reading these awful things about themselves and it's like, 'They don't know me. How can they be saying these things?'"

She nearly choked on her breath before she got up and quickly rushed out of the room without a word, but none of us followed her. Partly because it was clear she needed time to come up with what to say about what was coming, but mostly because we wanted to know why she didn't want to be in the room when we found out what exactly that was. The screen cut to her and she was smiling sadly.

"And the thing is... There comes a point when it becomes too much. I know there are going to be people who watch this and think 'Yes! What I said got to her!', but I don't think they realize that calling someone fat or ugly or worthless isn't something to be proud of," she shook her head. "It's hard-" she paused and cleared her throat, looking down at her hands and you could tell she was trying not to cry before she continued, "It's hard looking at a fan and telling them not to let comments from people who don't know them get to them when I can't even do it myself."

There was silence for a moment before we heard Angie ask carefully, "Does it effect the way you feel when Nash calls you beautiful and things like that?"

She took in a shaky breath and wiped her cheek, smiling sadly again and barely nodding, "Yeah... There are some days when I look in the mirror and I absolutely hate what I see, you know? And I don't understand why a guy that could have literally any girl he wanted would want someone like me. I can't put on any given outfit and convince myself that I look good in it because I don't see a nice body or nice skin or nice hair or anything. I look at myself in the mirror and all I can think about is why I let myself eat so much that day or why I let myself buy a dress or a shirt that clearly doesn't suit me. And I hate feeling the way I do about myself. I hate it. I'm not this 5'9'', 100 pound, skinny model and it's always in the back of my mind that he's going to want that one day and leave because I can't give it to him. And that absolutely terrifies me."

The episode ended not long after and we all just sat there in shock.

"Wow," Ryan whispered after what felt like two hours of silence.

"I can't believe I didn't know," I muttered, covering my face with my hands and leaning back against the couch.

"We didn't know because she didn't want us to," Jamie sighed, "In case you guys didn't notice, she's really good at hiding her feelings."

I quietly excused myself, getting up and going to look for Danielle. I finally found her in our bedroom, sitting on the floor in front of the mirror, leaning against the bed. I sat down in front of her so she couldn't see herself anymore. She opened her mouth, but I didn't give her the chance to talk.

"Maybe I don't understand why body image is so important to you and maybe I don't understand why people want to make your life miserable because of it," I told her. "But what I do understand is why I think you're beautiful and it's not because I love you because even if I didn't love you, you would still be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Maybe your hair doesn't cooperate some days and maybe your skin has a few bumps here and there and maybe your stomach isn't as flat as you want it to be, but so what?" She looked down and I took her face in my hands, making her look back at me before continuing, "Maybe you're not perfect, but you're perfect to me and I am gonna do everything I can to help you realize that, okay?" She nodded slowly and her eyes started to get watery and I think that's when I realized she's not as strong as she looks. I pulled her onto my lap and just held her as she cried, knowing that was all she really needed right now.

Around 15 minutes later, she ended up crying herself to sleep, so I picked her up carefully and laid her on the bed. I left the room for a moment to see if everyone was still here and they were.

"Is she okay?" Caity asked upon seeing me come back into the room.

I shrugged, "She's getting there."

"Where is she?" Ian asked, his concern very obvious.

"Sleeping," I answered, sighing, "She needs it. I think we all do." Everyone was quick to agree and made their way to their own apartments. I locked the door behind them and went back to my room. I saw Danielle had buried herself in the blanket and chuckled at how she had only woken up for that reason. I climbed under the covers and held open my arms slightly when I realized she was still awake.

"Come here, babe," I whispered. She immediately scooted into my arms and I held her closely. She sniffled quietly and I said, "Danielle-" She cut me off, obviously knowing what I was going to say.

"I'm not cut out for this life, Nash," she said, rolling onto her back, "And your career is just taking off and you don't need some broken girl who can't handle a little criticism holding you back."

"Danielle," I stated firmly, "A little criticism is telling you something doesn't work in one of your songs, not calling you fat or worthless. That's not criticism, that's being an asshole. You can't give up on everything you've been working for just because a few people try to keep you from doing it." She looked at me for a moment before sighing and rolling back on her side and laying her head on my chest. "I love you," I said quietly.

"I love you, too," she mumbled just before falling asleep again.