Escapism

Alex

I’d had my fair share of anxiety in my life.

Meeting the representatives of major record companies, trying to impress crowds who’d never heard of your name or your music before, and being on stage in general had provided me with enough anxiety to last a lifetime. Yet, staring at the little boy sitting across the table from me, carefully kicking his legs back and forth, brought about a whole new sense of panic that I couldn’t really describe.

He smiled up at me when I felt the toe of his converse lightly tap my shin out of innocence and I swore I felt my heart both bolt and melt within my chest.

Cade liked me. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but all I knew was that he actually liked me so far. Maybe we weren’t at trust level yet, but we’d had a start.

Presley was a good mom - that much I was sure of. She was protective and still managed to let him run wild, to be a kid. She’d raised him to be respectful - or as respectful as a four year old could be. He was a great kid, but I wasn’t totally convinced that it was genetics that were the cause of this kid’s behavior and mannerisms.

“Momma, can I go play?” Cade asked, looking into his mother’s face with a pouting expression.

“No, honey. Maybe after we’re done eating...” Presley said, running a hand over the hat Cade still had on, the one that he seemed to like to wear whenever he could.

Some kids had security blankets. I know that I’d toted around a stuffed animal from stories my mother had tried to embarrass me with and old photographs hanging from the walls of my parent’s house.

Smiling to myself at the urge to want to know everything about Cade, I flipped through the menu that had been left at our table, glancing up every once in a while to study his features.

“Do you have a favorite color?” I felt myself asking before I could stop. Tossing the menu aside, I knew that it was pointless to bother with it. I was too interested in other things - other, more important things - to be entertained by the food options that the restaurant provided.

Cade looked up to me curiously from playing with his fork before flashing me a megawatt smile and nodding. “Red!”

“Red is my favorite color too,” I offered, reaching for the bowl of pre-packaged jellies. Out of habit, I started building a tower out of them.

“That’s Momma’s favorite!”

“Is it?”

Cade nodded his head, his eyes trained on my hands as I worked with the tiny plastic packets. I didn’t have to glance at Presley to know she was smiling, but I did it anyways.

I was right. She was comfortably watching the two of us interacting, obviously happy about the fact that there’d been a connection almost instantly between Cade and me.

I smiled back before refocusing on my hands. “Would you like to try, Cade?”

He didn’t have to answer my question before I carefully slid the makeshift pyramid toward him just in time for our waitress to return to our table to serve us our food.

It was obvious that Cade and Presley were regulars. The wait staff was nothing but smiles and jokes and seemed to know exactly what they wanted for dinner - Presley, a simple chef salad and Cade’s “usual”.

The little boy grinned up at the waitress as she placed a plate of chicken tenders and veggies.

“We haven’t seen you two in a while,” the waitress commented, eyes flickering to me just a moment.

Presley tucked a wave of her hair behind her ear. “I know... Things have been... busy.” She commented, glancing to Cade with a tired looking smile as he dug into his food.

I don’t know why, but the woman standing at the end of our booth suddenly looked... sad? Her energy was shifted again to being bright and witty too fast for me to be able to fully tell. “I see we have a new friend too. I’m Jenny - I take care of these two almost every time they come in,” she said, jutting her hand out to me.

Smiling, I shook her hand. “Alex.”

“Pleasure to meet you. We just love seeing Presley and Mr. Cade in here. You better take care of them, you hear?” she said, her mouth suggesting she was just teasing but her eyes suggesting otherwise.

Presley’s face started burning bright red. “Jen, we’re not... Alex and I are just friends.”

Jenny only shrugged with a smirk before waltzing off, leaving the three of us with a, “You all enjoy your meals.”

Silence consumed our table. Cade was too busy playing with his chicken to bother with anything else and Presley had resorted to picking at her salad to avoid showing her embarrassment. “I’m sorry about her... Jen and I are pretty close friends. I used to work here once upon a time ago...”

“It’s okay. I like her,” I stated honestly.

“I never did ask and I don’t want to really pry into your life, but I think it’s important to know... Do you have anyone significant in your life?” Presley asked, spearing a piece of iceberg lettuce with her fork.

I swallowed the mouthful of hamburger, nearly choking. “Uh... No.” It was the truth. I was too busy to maintain a stable relationship most of the year and I’d never found anyone that sparked more than just physical attraction yet. “I don’t. What about you? Do you have a boyfriend?”

Presley shook her head, dabbing her mouth with the cloth napkin Jen had provided. “No. I haven’t had the time to think about being with anyone,” she admitted.

I felt almost guilty that I felt relief at her words. The idea of Cade being around another man - another father-figure - made me tense already.

Clearing my throat, I started a new topic. “So... you obviously know what I do for a living... How do you spend most of your time?”

“I teach. Mostly, I just substitute but I tutor kids who don’t have the opportunity to go to school because of medical problems most weekdays...”

“Really?”

She nodded and I think I felt something in my chest shift in admiration.

“That’s amazing.”

“I think people say that about your career,” she smiled.

I shrugged, watching Cade do more fiddling and fidgeting than eating.

Maybe it was wrong, maybe it was stupid considering that I hadn’t known either of them long, but I couldn’t help but feel that this - this family dinner of sorts - was natural. And I couldn’t help the thought that popped in my head that said I would be content doing this forever - eating dinner with my son and being able to stare at Presley as long as I wanted.

My past infatuation with her had obviously not gone away as easily as I’d once hoped it would, but I wouldn’t admit it to her or anyone else for that matter.

“Cade? Do you want to go play some games with me?” I asked, nodding toward the row of machines that kids shoved quarters into constantly when I couldn’t force another French fry down my throat.

“Yeah!” he shouted in excitement, slipping under the table with his agile little body. I found myself laughing as Presley attempted to reign him in with a stern look.

He only smiled in response to her, leaning momentarily in her lap before reaching over and grabbing my hand.

And as he lead me toward the row of silly arcade-style games against the far wall, I was certain that this feeling in my chest couldn’t ever compare to any other feeling.