Love's Not for Taking Chances

"No, fuck you, Kellin!" I screamed at my friend for the millionth time tonight.

"I can't believe you're being so selfish about this. Why can't you just be happy for me?!?" he yelled back, throwing his arms in the air.

I looked at my friend with disbelief. He was really trying to turn this on me.

"How am I fucking selfish for wanting my friend to be there for me the day I finally do something right? I finally finish beauty school and you can't make it to my graduation after you promised me you wouldn't miss it. You promised me, Kellin!"

I let my anger get the best of me and I picked up the picture on the side table next to me and smashed it on the ground between us. Kellin's jaw dropped, and he stared at me with the saddest expression. The wind picked up out side, and I could hear the rain outside coming down harder than before. The thunder was deafening and the lighting was bright. Kellin began to shake his head at me and backed away.

"I got you that for your birthday, and you just destroyed it. What's happened to you, Jamie? Why have you become like this? I'm so done." He said quietly.

A tear rolled down his cheek and he walked out of my apartment, into the storm raging outside. The door slammed, and in turn, I slammed myself into the door behind him. I screamed in frustration and let a few tears slide down my cheek. The thunder boomed again, and made me jump.

What are you doing? You know you're in the wrong. Go after him!

I fought with myself for a few minutes, and I got scared. I was scared that Kellin was outside in this storm right now. And I finally realized why I was really angry before, even though I had no reason to be. Kellin was right. I was being extremely selfish. I threw open the door and ran downstairs and out into the rain to find my friend. The truth is, I had no idea where to even look. I was positive he wouldn't go to his own home. He wouldn't want to see anyone right now. Kellin was upset and wanted privacy.

The rain poured out side and the wind was strong. It was so loud, I could barely hear myself think as I picked a direction and ran. I ran through the dark, empty streets as fast as I could. I didn't yell for him because I knew he wouldn't respond.

I soon heard a voice in front of me, singing. I couldn't see him, but there was no way it could be anyone else. I knew his voice anywhere. The lightening flashed and I saw a body about ten feet in front of me, sitting on a bench.

"And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's meant to be broken, I just want you to know who I am."'

His voice got quieter as I got closer, and I could hear his deep breaths as he tried not to sob. I'd hurt him bad this time. I don't know how to make this right, but I was sure as hell not giving up just yet.

"Kellin!" I shouted over the rain.

He stood from the bench and faced me.

"Is this what you wanted, Jamie? To see me at my weakest out here? Is that why you came after me? Or did you come after me to yell and criticize me some more? To tell me how shitty of a person I am?" he screamed over the rain.

His words stung me so deep. I choked out a sob and reached out for him. He jerked away from me in disgust.

I disgusted him. I'm such an awful person.

"Please just let me explain!" I pleaded with him.

"Why? Why should I bother?" he asked.

"Because I know I'm a fuck up, but please. I need this, Kellin. Please. You said you would never give up on me. Please just let me explain."

I have never had to plead with my friend like this before. It was tearing my heart in two. Kellin didn't say anything. He just sighed and nodded his head back in the direction of my apartment. We didn't speak the whole way there. I was planning out this big, impressive speech in my head to explain my feelings and why I acted the way I did toward him. As soon as we arrived inside, Kellin locked the door behind him and took off his soaked shoes. I did the same and took a deep breath. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. He was patient with me. He really wanted to hear what I had to say about my behavior.

"I'm sorry." was all I could say.

I closed my eyes when I felt tears welling up.

"What made you act like this? Me going on tour was never a problem before. What changed you, Jamie?" he asked softly.

I knew the answer to the question and had known for quite some time now. I was just too afraid to admit it because I feared his rejection. I was terrified that Kellin wouldn't want to be my friend anymore, but I finally realized that I couldn't be a coward anymore. I just needed to let it out.

"I think I've got a crush on you."

I opened my eyes to see him staring back at me in disbelief. His eyes softened, and his lips parted slightly. I didn't break my stare. Kellin took a step closer to me, and another, and another until he was just inches away.

"What are you going to do about it?" he whispered, getting in my face.

I swallowed hard as I felt my face heat up. Water dripped from his hair and rolled down his cheeks, instantly making him so much sexier. His big blue eyes never left mine.

But I finally mustered up some courage. I didn't answer him. Instead I placed my hand on his cheek and wiped away a few drops of water. I couldn't tell if they were tears or just rain. A little gasp escaped his lips. I took it as a good sign and leaned in. As soon as my lips touched his, I closed my eyes and kissed him softly. Once I started to pull away, his hands instantly went around my waist and he pulled me in tight. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let out a soft moan when I felt his fingertips graze the skin on my lower back. His breath was heavy, but he didn't stop. He didn't push me away or stop the kiss. He pushed it a little further actually. His lips parted, and I felt his tongue softly brush my lips. I parted them and let him do what he pleased. I pulled back and started kissing his jaw. His fingers dug into my skin, and he kissed my cheek. I went back to his lips and bit his bottom lip softly. His moan was slightly louder than mine, but his reaction caught me off guard.

"Permission to be rough with you?" he asked quietly without opening his eyes.

"Just don't hurt me."

"I could never hurt you."

And with that I was pushed into my kitchen and up against a wall. My hands tangled in his hair and his tangled in my shirt. The water from our clothes was making everything slick and it was hard to keep standing. I wrapped one leg around his and tried to lock us into place, but he wanted something else. He picked me up and carried me to the table, and placed me roughly on the table, throwing off any dishes that were there before. He peeled both our shirts off and wrapped his arms around me, only breaking our kisses to get the shirts over our heads. He slowed me down and held me close, pecking me softly on my lips.

"You're freezing." he finally said.

"I don't care." I replied and tried to kiss me.

He dodged it and laughed.

Two can play the teasing game...

I kissed his chest and his neck and bit it softly. This earned me a gasp and a little bit of movement in his pants. He pressed his hips into my roughly and started to peel of my wet jeans. After he had successfully removed my pants and underwear he quickly worked on getting his own off. My eyes widened at the sight of his growing erection. He blushed and pulled on my waist. I kissed him hard again and he slipped inside of me.

"Kellin!" I gasped and dug my nails into his back.

He moaned and continued to push in and out. His already quiet moans were muffled by my neck.

We moved from room to room, changing positions and speeds. We ended up finishing in the shower. Kellin grabbed my face in his hands when it was over and smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner." I said.

He put a finger to my lips to shush me.

"Just don't ever forget about me." I said into his hand.

"I could never forget you."