Pieces Mended
017
-Jade's Pov-
I woke up screaming from the nightmare that was drilled into my head. I knew I couldn't go on like this. I had fear from just walking down the streets. I've been cooped up in this place for a week or more, I don't know. I just lock myself in. I had to quit my job at UtahCo because I couldn't even leave the house with out looking over my shoulder. I looked out of the window. I placed my hand on the window, staring into the dark night. Bert was out there, he hardly came here to sleep, because I kept him up with my screams. Madi and Quinn were out there, probably with each other, or doing their own separate thing. They were probably happy. Brandon was out there, probably screaming curse words and skateboarding around like he was too cool for the ones around him. Jeph was also out there. Probably with his family, enjoying whatever he loved to do. Probably playing his bass. Probably blasting his music to piss off his dad. Or maybe he was at work, working late hours, just to get out of here.
There was a knock on the bedroom door, that pulled me away from the window. I gulped and pulled my backpack up to my chest, after untangling it from my wrist. I backed up against the wall and tried to hide in the shadows of the room. "Jade, if you don't open this door, I swear to all that is evil..." Bert started his threat from the other side of the door.
"Are you alone?" I tried to say loud enough for only him to hear.
"Yes!" He cried. "For crying out loud, Jade. What the hell has gotten into you?" I sighed and dropped the bag before opening the door slightly and looked around him. "Have you started doing drugs? Meth? Or are you dropping acid?" He said pushing his way in before shutting the door. He grabbed my face and pointed it up towards the moonlight.
"What are you doing?"
"Checking you're pupils. If they are pinpointed and stay so, then you're on drugs."
I pulled my head from his hands. "I'm not on drugs, Bert." I covered my body with my arms in an almost hug. "I just... Want to be alone." I said looking down.
"Did something happened with you and Jeph?"
I groaned and turned away from him. "Why does everyone think something happened with me and Jeph? I'm not even sure what would have happened?" I said shaking my head.
"Well, you could have said someone's name while kissing him. Or he could have accidentally stuck it in you're butt. Or maybe his dad found you guys and forbid you. If that's what it was I can assure you Jeph likes you too much to keep to any promise he makes to his dad." Bert said with a nod. "But he could also hate you and still like you more than his dad. God he hates that man."
"Jeph did nothing Bert. I swear." I said sitting back down on my bed. I looked around wondering what the people who use to live here did. The room I chose as my own, looked like a teenagers room. It reminded me of the room I would have had if I grew up in a house. Well, I did, but not as a teenager.
"What are you thinking about, Jade?"
"How I'd love to have my own place." She said looking at Bert. "A place for us. All of us. Me, you, Jeph, Brandon, Quinn and Madi. We could go anywhere we wanted. We could get out of here." Bert smiled and sat down next to me. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the window, pressing my face to the glass. "We could have a mansion on the beach, or a cabin in a beautiful forest. It would snow, or it would be sunny. It would be one or both. It could be were are dreams come true. We could have a dog. One for each of us. Or a cat. Or a bird. We could be high as kites. We could be drunk as sailors. We could be happy." I said with determination.
"We couldn't be in a fairy tale Jade."
I turned to his sad looking face. "Why not? Haven't we been through enough? When do you get to be happy? When do any of us get to be happy? I want... I want to be happy, Bert."
He sighed and looked away as tears pricked his eyes. "What happened, Jade?"
I threw his hand out of mine and grabbed my bag. "It's none of you're business." I said strongly. I just turned off my feelings. I can't be here anymore. I grabbed the doorknob and gulped. "I'm sorry," I said opening the door, "but maybe I want a fairy tale." I left it with that. I figured Orem had enough of me. Maybe the world had enough of me, but I would find that out when I saw more of the world. Maybe I should just realize I'm a stain on the perfect city that was Orem.
Okay so it wasn't so perfect, but Mr. Howard liked to believe it was. And he had his church believing that also. I walked down Main Street, pointing at all the little dots in the side walk. It was as if I was looking up, not down, as if I was looking at the stars in the high sky, instead of the ground. Before I knew where I was going, my feet took me towards Jeph's house. I guess someone wanted me to say goodbye to him.
I walked up to his window and looked in. His light was off, but from the orange glow from a light cigarette, told me he was up. I knocked quietly on the window, hoping he heard me a no one else had. A shiver ripped through my body as the breeze brushed my bare skin. I should have put on my hoodie. The orange glow came closer until I could see Jeph's shocked face from the street light behind me. He opened the window and whispered, "Jade?" I nodded with a weak smile. "Come in come in." He said moving so I could climb in.
"No... I..." I looked at his sadden face before nodding. "Alright." I said climbing in, like I had so many times. I looked at him and he smiled shyly. I placed my hand on his face and he leant into the affection. The way his eyes were closed, the small loving smile, and the way my heart fluttered in my chest when his skin hit my palm, made me want to stay. But staying would only cause pain for more people than I want.
"I've missed you. I was really worried."
"I-I missed you too." I said biting my lip and sighing. "But. I.."
"I got you something."
I looked at him confused. "You got me something?" He nodded and walked away from me. I sat down on his bed and sighed. I just wanted to leave. Why did my feet take me here? I stared at my hands and sit in wonder. I now have to watch Jeph face to face find out that I'm not coming back. I just have to stay strong.
I looked up when Jeph's feet were walking this way. I put on my biggest smile but when I saw what was in his hands it dropped. It was a ring. "I wanted you to have this. I'm not really rich, or really good with words. That's always been someone else's qualities. I know I can't give you everything you want and I know I may not be the best looking." He said handing the plastic ring with the crown and fake stones on it to me. "But for once I want the happily ever after. And I see that with you Jade. I see a house, and a yard, and a dog or a kid. I see water and trees and sunshine, all with you. I see friends gathering around our pool and each of them happy. I just want you to be happy." He said closing my hand around the ring. "So even if life doesn't bring us closer or you ever leave me here, I just want you to know, no matter where I am, what I'm doing, I'm here. For you." He said with a sad smile.
I opened my hand and looked at the ring. It was plastic and nothing like it ever made me feel at home. I looked up at Jeph before putting the ring on my ring finger and placing my hand on his cheek again. He smiled, but didn't close his eyes. I leant forward and kissed the shit out of him. "You're a fool, Jepharee Howard." I said with tears falling down my face. "But if you give me a happily ever after, I'll want nothing more for you to be there with me."
I woke up screaming from the nightmare that was drilled into my head. I knew I couldn't go on like this. I had fear from just walking down the streets. I've been cooped up in this place for a week or more, I don't know. I just lock myself in. I had to quit my job at UtahCo because I couldn't even leave the house with out looking over my shoulder. I looked out of the window. I placed my hand on the window, staring into the dark night. Bert was out there, he hardly came here to sleep, because I kept him up with my screams. Madi and Quinn were out there, probably with each other, or doing their own separate thing. They were probably happy. Brandon was out there, probably screaming curse words and skateboarding around like he was too cool for the ones around him. Jeph was also out there. Probably with his family, enjoying whatever he loved to do. Probably playing his bass. Probably blasting his music to piss off his dad. Or maybe he was at work, working late hours, just to get out of here.
There was a knock on the bedroom door, that pulled me away from the window. I gulped and pulled my backpack up to my chest, after untangling it from my wrist. I backed up against the wall and tried to hide in the shadows of the room. "Jade, if you don't open this door, I swear to all that is evil..." Bert started his threat from the other side of the door.
"Are you alone?" I tried to say loud enough for only him to hear.
"Yes!" He cried. "For crying out loud, Jade. What the hell has gotten into you?" I sighed and dropped the bag before opening the door slightly and looked around him. "Have you started doing drugs? Meth? Or are you dropping acid?" He said pushing his way in before shutting the door. He grabbed my face and pointed it up towards the moonlight.
"What are you doing?"
"Checking you're pupils. If they are pinpointed and stay so, then you're on drugs."
I pulled my head from his hands. "I'm not on drugs, Bert." I covered my body with my arms in an almost hug. "I just... Want to be alone." I said looking down.
"Did something happened with you and Jeph?"
I groaned and turned away from him. "Why does everyone think something happened with me and Jeph? I'm not even sure what would have happened?" I said shaking my head.
"Well, you could have said someone's name while kissing him. Or he could have accidentally stuck it in you're butt. Or maybe his dad found you guys and forbid you. If that's what it was I can assure you Jeph likes you too much to keep to any promise he makes to his dad." Bert said with a nod. "But he could also hate you and still like you more than his dad. God he hates that man."
"Jeph did nothing Bert. I swear." I said sitting back down on my bed. I looked around wondering what the people who use to live here did. The room I chose as my own, looked like a teenagers room. It reminded me of the room I would have had if I grew up in a house. Well, I did, but not as a teenager.
"What are you thinking about, Jade?"
"How I'd love to have my own place." She said looking at Bert. "A place for us. All of us. Me, you, Jeph, Brandon, Quinn and Madi. We could go anywhere we wanted. We could get out of here." Bert smiled and sat down next to me. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the window, pressing my face to the glass. "We could have a mansion on the beach, or a cabin in a beautiful forest. It would snow, or it would be sunny. It would be one or both. It could be were are dreams come true. We could have a dog. One for each of us. Or a cat. Or a bird. We could be high as kites. We could be drunk as sailors. We could be happy." I said with determination.
"We couldn't be in a fairy tale Jade."
I turned to his sad looking face. "Why not? Haven't we been through enough? When do you get to be happy? When do any of us get to be happy? I want... I want to be happy, Bert."
He sighed and looked away as tears pricked his eyes. "What happened, Jade?"
I threw his hand out of mine and grabbed my bag. "It's none of you're business." I said strongly. I just turned off my feelings. I can't be here anymore. I grabbed the doorknob and gulped. "I'm sorry," I said opening the door, "but maybe I want a fairy tale." I left it with that. I figured Orem had enough of me. Maybe the world had enough of me, but I would find that out when I saw more of the world. Maybe I should just realize I'm a stain on the perfect city that was Orem.
Okay so it wasn't so perfect, but Mr. Howard liked to believe it was. And he had his church believing that also. I walked down Main Street, pointing at all the little dots in the side walk. It was as if I was looking up, not down, as if I was looking at the stars in the high sky, instead of the ground. Before I knew where I was going, my feet took me towards Jeph's house. I guess someone wanted me to say goodbye to him.
I walked up to his window and looked in. His light was off, but from the orange glow from a light cigarette, told me he was up. I knocked quietly on the window, hoping he heard me a no one else had. A shiver ripped through my body as the breeze brushed my bare skin. I should have put on my hoodie. The orange glow came closer until I could see Jeph's shocked face from the street light behind me. He opened the window and whispered, "Jade?" I nodded with a weak smile. "Come in come in." He said moving so I could climb in.
"No... I..." I looked at his sadden face before nodding. "Alright." I said climbing in, like I had so many times. I looked at him and he smiled shyly. I placed my hand on his face and he leant into the affection. The way his eyes were closed, the small loving smile, and the way my heart fluttered in my chest when his skin hit my palm, made me want to stay. But staying would only cause pain for more people than I want.
"I've missed you. I was really worried."
"I-I missed you too." I said biting my lip and sighing. "But. I.."
"I got you something."
I looked at him confused. "You got me something?" He nodded and walked away from me. I sat down on his bed and sighed. I just wanted to leave. Why did my feet take me here? I stared at my hands and sit in wonder. I now have to watch Jeph face to face find out that I'm not coming back. I just have to stay strong.
I looked up when Jeph's feet were walking this way. I put on my biggest smile but when I saw what was in his hands it dropped. It was a ring. "I wanted you to have this. I'm not really rich, or really good with words. That's always been someone else's qualities. I know I can't give you everything you want and I know I may not be the best looking." He said handing the plastic ring with the crown and fake stones on it to me. "But for once I want the happily ever after. And I see that with you Jade. I see a house, and a yard, and a dog or a kid. I see water and trees and sunshine, all with you. I see friends gathering around our pool and each of them happy. I just want you to be happy." He said closing my hand around the ring. "So even if life doesn't bring us closer or you ever leave me here, I just want you to know, no matter where I am, what I'm doing, I'm here. For you." He said with a sad smile.
I opened my hand and looked at the ring. It was plastic and nothing like it ever made me feel at home. I looked up at Jeph before putting the ring on my ring finger and placing my hand on his cheek again. He smiled, but didn't close his eyes. I leant forward and kissed the shit out of him. "You're a fool, Jepharee Howard." I said with tears falling down my face. "But if you give me a happily ever after, I'll want nothing more for you to be there with me."