What We Always Thought We Knew (We Never Did)

Ryan is sitting in the corner brooding, avoiding any haphazard occurrences such as drunk girls spilling beer all over him. Oh wait, that already happened to him earlier.

He can't say he's pleased in the least to be here. Pete's offer of 'Ryan, man, wanna go chill at Gabe's and have a few drinks?' seemed to be innocent enough, and Ryan likes hanging out with all of his friends, but he should have known that Pete and Gabe means disaster.

So he ultimately should have known that he wasn't going to a quiet, fun get-together with his best friends, oh no, he was dragged to this awful, raging house party where the only thing he can smell is beer, vomit, and cheap perfume, and the only thing he can see is half-naked people grinding on each other and doing jello shots.

Fucking Gabe.

Of course, he was ordered to wear a costume, and looking back on it, he should have thought it was weird that they were wearing costumes if there were only going to be ten of them. But he put together something quickly. He was going for a kind of Moulin Rouge-burlesque type thing. The way he's dressed is pretty simple with his black pinstriped pants, long-sleeved, collared white shirt, white finger-less gloves, and a sort of paisley-patterned waistcoat with a beige silk tie tucked underneath. Okay, so maybe it's a pretty elaborate costume - he's even wearing those awesome sleeve garters and a newsboy cap. Pete said the cap didn't really go with his costume but Ryan told him not to mess with his innovative style and creative fashion sense. He knows how to look good, okay.

But the best part of his costume is his mask. It's nothing too fancy, just a smooth, black half-face Venetian masquerade mask. He picked it because he liked the simplicity of it, with it's intricate black-on-black pattern - beautiful, but not so complicated that you can't appreciate the beauty of it.

Okay, he really fucking loves his costume. He looks awesome. And much classier than anyone else there. He smirks at the thought, scrunching his nose at a nearby witch making out with a football player. The best past is that since nobody recognizes him with his mask on, nobody has been trying to talk to him.

It's not that Ryan doesn't like to party - who doesn't? He loves Halloween. It's just that firstly, he doesn't like to party with these people - with Gabe's people. They can all be categorized as impudent, shameless, wild, ignorant fucks. And secondly, Brendon is not here. And Ryan hates going to parties without Brendon, because Brendon keeps the crazies away from him.

But Brendon had his own party to go to tonight, whatever. It's not like Ryan feels left out or anything. Ryan scoffs to himself as a guy dressed as Zorro chases after a girl who looks very unhappy with him.

He walks over to the table with all the drinks with a sigh.

There's an open bar nearby the table, with a bartender making various Halloween-themed drinks. Ryan tried something earlier called a 'Devil's Blood.' He rolled his eyes when he discovered that it was just a vodka cranberry with black vodka to make it look cool. The same for the 'Rotten Pumpkin' that was just a Screwdriver with black vodka.

He's just going to drink the punch now, which Pete told him was 'Zombie Punch.' He reaches for the handle sticking out of the punch bowl, but his hand collides with someone else's. He looks up to see a guy a little shorter than him, smiling a little hesitantly. Ryan is kind of baffled by the guy's costume, because it's a lot like Ryan's own in that it has that burlesque vibe to it.

The guy has dark, slicked-back hair and is wearing a simple black suit - without a jacket, so a white, collared shirt and black waistcoat - and his mask beats Ryan's by a long shot. It's gold, the pattern weaving around it with finely-detailed swirls and loops. The part surrounding the eyes is an off-white color, decorated to look like sheet music. Ryan thinks it's gorgeous. What's even more gorgeous is the pair of brown eyes peeking at him through the holes of the mask. They're so bright, and so familiar. Ryan's attention is brought down to the guy's mouth when he sees it curving up into another small smile. His lips are full and shapely, soft around the corners.

All in all, Ryan can tell he's hot even though he can't see half his face.

"Sorry," the guy says, retracting his hand, and Ryan can hear the smile in the slightly raised pitch of the guy's voice. But again, Ryan has that feeling of familiarity, like he knows that voice. But he knows lots of people, so it could be anyone.

"No," Ryan says belatedly, retracting his own hand from the handle in the punch bowl. He smiles, his cheeks causing his mask to move when they raise up. "Go ahead," he offers.

"Thanks," the guy says softly, reaching for a cup. He darts his eyes to Ryan's, quirking his mouth up again in that cute, fucking familiar, smile.

Ryan doesn't normally hit on guys at parties, okay, he's not the type for one-night stands. He likes relationships. But this guy is clearly different - classy like Ryan, for one, with his really fucking hot sophisticated costume. So Ryan feels no shame in asking for the guy's name.

"Hey, so," Ryan starts after the guy pours his drink. He looks at Ryan, bringing his cup to his lips and taking a sip. And then Ryan can't look away from his mouth, and Ryan's own mouth kind of starts to water at the sight. He snaps his gaze back up when he hears a quiet laugh from the guy. "Right," Ryan continues hastily, feeling like an idiot. "Right, so. Um, what's your name?" he asks, smiling in a hopefully not-creepy way. He doesn't miss the way the guy's eyes skim up and down his body - he told Pete he looks hot in his costume, and he knew it.

The guy bites his lip around a smile, looking down. "I'm-"

"Time for spin the bottle!" Ryan hears Gabe roar from the living room, effectively cutting off cute guy. Before Ryan has a chance to ask the guy again, Pete comes bounding over in his stupid gorilla costume and drags Ryan away.

"Come on, dude!" he yells. Ryan looks back at Hot Guy, throwing him a helpless smile, and the guy returns it, but follows into the living room as well.

Ryan is shoved to the ground by Pete, so he's sitting in a circle of some of the party-goers. There are roughly twenty people in the circle, the rest of the guests standing around and watching. Ryan counts about an equal amount of girls and guys in the circle, and he cringes at the thought of having to make out with a girl. He's gay, okay. And he's not one of those, 'yeah, I'm gay, but girls don't bother me' gay guys, he's more like the, 'eww, girls' type.

His stomach flutters when he notices Hot Guy sitting in the circle, right across from him and looking directly at him with a playful glint in his eyes. Ryan has seen that playful glint before, he knows he has.

"Okay, who's first?" Gabe asks, placing an empty wine bottle in the middle of the circle. Ryan rolls his eyes at Gabe's costume - a hula skirt, lei, and coconut bra. He takes his own seat in the circle.

Some girl dressed as what Ryan thinks is a slutty... well, something with whiskers, he's not quite sure if it's a cat or a mouse, she reaches forward and spins the bottle with a giggle. Ryan looks back and forth between the spinning bottle and the lip gloss-covered girl and thinks, please no.

Thankfully, it lands on a girl four people down from him, and then all the guys start whistling and high five-ing each other as the two girls lean forward and press their lips together.

The other girl spins, hers landing on a guy dressed as a pirate, and then his lands on a guy dressed in a toga - they make a big deal about having to kiss another guy, afraid of losing their masculinity, Ryan supposes. It's the tiniest of pecks that they give each other, the girls whining at the lack of guy-on-guy action.

Toga guy spins and lands on a girl dressed as a 'sexy nurse,' as Ryan is sure the box of the costume labeled it. When she spins, Ryan gets this feeling in his gut, and he just knows it's going to land on him, and it fucking does and he wants to throw up when the girl crawls over to him with a disturbing smirk. He glances fleetingly over at the hot guy, who is raising an eyebrow at him with a smirk of his own, and before he can think of a way to get out of this, the girl is pressing her sticky lips to his and all he can think is ew ew ew while he tries not to gag. Just when he's about to start flailing his arms in a signal for help, she pulls away and retreats back to her seat.

Ryan tries to act like he isn't wiping some kind of poisonous substance from his mouth, but he's probably unsuccessful. When he's composed himself well enough, he takes a breath and reaches for the wine bottle. This is the worst part of Gabe's parties - he always has to play these stupid games.

Ryan spins, biting his lip and fucking praying that it doesn't land on another girl. It slows down, barely moving now, and it kind of feels like slow motion when it turns to stop on the boy in front of him. Ryan swallows, looking up to meet the guy's gaze, and barely registers all the whistles and catcalls around him. Ryan bites down on his lip even harder, on his knees in the middle of the circle and waiting while the guy crawls over to him slowly. Heat boils in Ryan's stomach as he watches the way the guy's hips sway and way he's purposely making a show of crawling to Ryan.

He faintly hears someone yell, 'aw, they match!' But when the guy reaches him and Ryan leans down and presses his lips against his soft, full ones, the room explodes with wolf-whistles and cheering. Ryan doesn't pull away, he brings a hand up to the back of his neck and cards his fingers through the silky hair. His mind is reeling with the explosive feeling of how perfect and new this is. It kind of feels like something he's been waiting for for a long time. He gasps a little when his lips are parted with the guy's tongue, sliding in and mingling with Ryan's.

He realizes that they're full-on making out when it was only supposed to be one kiss, but that's kind of in the back of his mind right now.

When they do break apart, the guy's kissed-red lips pulling into a sexy half-smile, he hears a girl saying, "That is how you kiss a guy," to the toga guy. Ryan's glad his mask covers his cheeks, or everyone would be able to see how red his entire face is right now.

They sit back down and Hot Guy spins, the bottle landing on a small, shy-looking girl. Ryan worries a moment that the guy didn't like him at all, that he was just putting on a show, but when he kisses the girl it's barely a peck before he returns to his seat. Ryan grins to himself, licking his lips when he catches the guy's eye. He grins back at Ryan, and Ryan is pretty sure he sees him wink behind that mask.

A few more people spin, but soon enough it lands on Ryan again. A guy had spun this time, and he leans over and presses his lips too rough against Ryan's as fast as he can before pulling back with a mortified look on his face. Ryan rolls his eyes. Straight guys.

When Ryan spins and lands on Hot Guy again, he inwardly throws a parade, grinning his face off.

"Second time, you know what that means!" Gabe grins at them. "Seven minutes in heaven," he says suggestively, grabbing each of their arms and leading them to a closet through the crowd of whistling people.

Ryan hears the click of a lock once the door shuts behind them, and it's kind of dark. There's light coming in from the door, so he can barely make out the soft smile on the guy's face. He wishes he had a name to put with that face so he could stop thinking of him as 'Hot Guy.'

"So," he starts, moving closer to Ryan. "That was fun," he laughs quietly. Ryan laughs a little himself, biting his lip when he feels arms snake around his waist.

"Yeah," he agrees, his voice sounding not like his own. "I usually hate these parties, but... I think I'm starting to like this one," he pulls his lips into a playful smirk. He looks into those dark brown eyes, eyes that he knows he's seen before, because there's a way that he can kind of read into them that he wouldn't be able to do with a stranger's.

"There's something about you," the guy starts in his rich, deep voice. "I don't know what, but there's something about you. I haven't been able to keep my eyes off you all night." He pulls Ryan close, mouthing at his ear. "I saw you standing in the corner, and I spent twenty minutes trying to make myself go over and talk to you," he whispers, nipping at Ryan's earlobe, and Ryan is just working on breathing properly at the moment.

"I feel like we've met," Ryan admits, shivering when the guy presses his lips to his neck. "Because I like you, but I don't even know you. And how crazy is that?" he laughs nervously, his eyes slipping shut when he feels teeth biting down on his soft skin.

"I know what you mean," the guy replies, sounding kind of surprised. "I feel like that too. It's like... you're so familiar, you know?" he doesn't wait for an answer before lifting his head and kissing Ryan, their lips sliding together gently, but with a rough edge. Ryan moans as the guy backs him into the wall, holding Ryan's hips tightly and sucking on his tongue. Ryan knows that he probably has five minutes left, and he knows that if he really wanted to, he could get on his knees right now and make the guy come in less than that. But that would make this all so cheap. It's already not the classiest, what with them being in a tiny closet in a house full of drunk people, Ryan feeling a little tipsy himself, but blowing a guy whose name he doesn't even know yet, and then probably never seeing him again? Ryan doesn't want that. He likes this guy.

So he doesn't do anything more than wrap his arms around his waist and continue to kiss him, enjoying the soft sounds the guy makes and the gentle rocking of his hips against Ryan's.

Ryan pulls back with a teasing bite to Hot Guy's full lower lip, now swollen from being fused with Ryan's for so long. "You taste sweet," Ryan mumbles, licking his own lips for effect.

"The punch," the guy chuckles, kissing Ryan softly again. Ryan sighs, feeling like something is finally going right in his life.

"Hey, you never told me your name," Ryan reminds him, tightening his arms around him.

"Oh, yeah," he laughs, "My name's B-"

"Alright guys!" Gabe yells, opening the door and letting the light flood in. Ryan inwardly groans. "Time's up! And apparently someone called the cops, so time to leave," he urges them, looking kind of panicked. Ryan's eyes widen. He remembers what happened last time the cops came to one of Gabe's parties. Before he can say a word, Gabe is dragging him away and to the front door.

Outside there are people everywhere, getting rides from each other and laughing as they recall the events of the party. Ryan waits, but he can't see the guy anywhere. He searches through the crowd desperately, not spotting him.

When the crowd has thinned out and there are only a few people left, Ryan gives up and walks to his car miserably.



When Ryan wakes up the next morning, he feels like his head's been split in two. He groans, rolling over and off the bed.

He's still miserable about last night. He was so sure that he'd leave with that guy's number. Or at least, you know, his name.

When he walks into the hallway and the smell of pancakes greets him, he grins. "Brendon, I love you!" he yells. He hears Brendon laugh in the kitchen, and when he makes his way in there, there are two plates of pancakes waiting on the table. "Seriously," Ryan smiles. "You just made my day so much better." He takes a seat at the table, loving Brendon even more when he finds coffee there. Brendon doesn't drink coffee, so Ryan knows he made it just for him.

"Well, last night kinda sucked, so I needed to cheer myself up with pancakes," Brendon bounces over, setting down the syrup and taking a seat across from Ryan.

"Why did it suck? 'Cause I wasn't there?" Ryan asks with faux sympathy.

"Yeah, sure," Brendon snorts. "No, but... there was this guy," he says, sighing sadly. Ryan frowns, seeing that neither of them had luck in that department last night.

"What happened?" Ryan asks, immediately feeling protective of his best friend. "Forget him. He was probably a jerk, Bren. Any guy would be lucky to have you. You're smart, and funny, and-"

"Ryan," Brendon interrupts, laughing. "He liked me," he rolls his eyes.

"Oh," Ryan pauses before digging his fork into his pancakes and shoving a huge amount into his mouth. "Then what happened?" he struggles to get out around his mouthful. Brendon laughs fondly at him, shrugging.

"Didn't know who he was, didn't get his number," he mumbles, sounding sad.

"Dude," Ryan says, putting his fork down. "The same thing happened to me last night." Brendon smiles sadly at him.

"Why do our love lives suck, Ry?" he pouts, nibbling on a bite of pancake. Ryan kind of hates seeing him all sad like that, because nothing is sadder than a sad Brendon. Puppies have nothing on him.

Ryan reaches over for the syrup, and because he never pays attention, he knocks over Brendon's orange juice all into Brendon's lap. Brendon squawks, jumping up and flailing his arms at the cold sensation. Ryan just kind of stares in shock, an incredulous laugh leaving him.

"Ryan!" Brendon whines. "I don't have any clean clothes. I was going to wear these to go do my laundry!" he says, looking at Ryan accusingly, who is trying really hard not to laugh.

"I'm so sorry, Bren," he manages to get out, biting his lip to keep a straight face. "Look, just go borrow some of my clothes," he says, finally unable to keep from laughing. At Brendon's scandalized look he says, "I'm sorry! It's funny," and laughs again. Brendon rolls his eyes and stalks off toward Ryan's room, and Ryan gets a towel to clean up the mess with. His phone buzzes on the table, and he checks it to see a message from Pete.

'i can't believe u nd brendon did that man!!'

Ryan stares confusedly at the phone, his eyebrows creasing. 'huh?' he replies.

He wipes up all the juice and makes his way toward the bathroom to throw the towel in the dirty laundry hamper. As he's making his way back to the kitchen, something in the living room catches his eye. He walks into the living room and freezes when he sees the object lying on the coffee table. He picks up the shiny gold mask, turning it in his fingers and watching the light dance off of the material. "The fuck?" he mumbles to himself. Ryan is so confused. How the hell did this get here?

"Um, Ryan?" he hears Brendon say from the hallway. He sounds confused, much like Ryan feels. Before Ryan can answer his phone buzzes again and he checks the reply from Pete as Brendon enters the room.

'u nd bren at the party last nite!!!'

Him and Brendon at the party last night? But... Ryan freezes, his eyes widening at the mask in his hands. Ryan looks up at Brendon to see him in fresh clothes and holding up Ryan's mask in his own hands, a look composed of realization matching Ryan's on his face.

"No way," Brendon says disbelievingly. Ryan gapes, his mouth opening and closing.

"I. You. No way," Ryan repeats, his voice cracking. He makes his way over to Brendon. "It was you?" he asks, feeling completely overwhelmed and just... amazed, really. Ryan should have known. He should have known that playful spark in those brown eyes, that perfect smile on those lips, that deep voice that had him shuddering - he should have known them all because they belonged to Brendon. Brendon, his best friend. Brendon, who's been there for him forever. Brendon, who he moved to Chicago with. Fuck, he should have known it was Brendon because that's the only person he knows completely inside and out, and can tell what he's thinking just by looking at him. He feels differently around him, different than when he's with any other person, and he should have recognized that feeling last night.

"Ryan," Brendon chokes out, and Ryan drops the mask, pulls him close, and just fucking kisses him. Because it's Brendon, it's always been Brendon.

"I cannot," Brendon breathes between kisses, "believe this. I can't believe I didn't know it was you," he laughs breathlessly, kissing Ryan exactly like he did last night, holding Ryan's hips exactly like he did last night.

"I fucking love you," Ryan laughs happily, pressing his lips roughly against Brendon's and roaming his hands everywhere, touching every inch of skin he can. He feels like his heart is going to explode. "I didn't know I loved you but- well of course I loved you, but I didn't think I loved you, but I love you, oh my god," he babbles on, and Brendon just smiles, laughs against his lips, shutting him up with his mouth until the only sounds coming from Ryan are high-pitched whines into Brendon's mouth.

"I love you too, fuck, so much," Brendon breathes, picking Ryan up, Ryan wrapping his legs around Brendon's waist while he carries him to his bedroom.

They fall on Brendon's bed, a mess of limbs and wandering hands as they rid each other of their shirts.

"What about breakfast?" Ryan giggles against Brendon's ear, rolling over onto him and kissing down his neck.

"Yeah, well," Brendon says, rolling them over so he's on top. "I'm having you for breakfast," he grins, leaning down to nip at Ryan's collarbone. Ryan laughs - he laughs until he can't even breath, wiping tears away from his eyes.

"Brendon," he cackles. "That is the dumbest thing you've ever said."

"But it made you laugh, so I must've done something right," Brendon smiles that one-of-a-kind Brendon smile, the only one that can make Ryan fall apart.

"Yeah," Ryan says softy, running his fingers through Brendon's hair. "Yeah, you did."

"You make me so happy," Brendon murmurs, attaching their lips again and running his hand along Ryan's side.

Ryan doesn't know whether to laugh or cry, because the boy that used to crawl through Ryan's window and lie in bed with him crying because of his parents while Ryan stroked his hair, the boy that used to be so broken until Ryan came along, the boy that Ryan has always cared about more than anything or anyone else, he's finally finding his rightful place in Ryan's life - the place that he always should have been in. Ryan says the only thing he knows has always been true.

"You make me happy too. You always have."