Two Worlds

I laid in bed thinking about the events that took place with Jayme and Bonny a few days ago. It seems like everything I touch or get close to just turns to ashes. I guess I really am destined to live a live of unimaginable pain and suffering. I just don't understand why all this shit had to happen to me? I know it's petty and selfish if me to be thinking like this but what do you expect? A life that started with suffering always continues to suffer. I feel even worse for Brian. Michelle cheated on him and then Bonny did the same. We just can't get a damn break. And I think we've had enough heart break to last a lifetime but Brian seems to have bounced back pretty good. Brian and the guys have been up here several times trying to get me to come out of my room but I just don't want to face anyone in this family anymore. Not after what happened. I just want to be alone.

"Jade?" Matt's voice said through the locked door. I locked it yesterday afternoon when I got tired of being bothered.

"Jade please answer me."

"I don't want to see anyone right now. Please just leave me alone." I said with my back away from the door.

"Please just open the door. I have some food for you."

"I'm not hungry." I stated pulling the blanket over my head.

"But you haven't ate in days."

"I said go away!" I yelled out in frustration. I listened as I heard his familiar footsteps go back downstairs. I hate treating them like this. I want to pull myself out of this rut I'm in but I don't know how. It seems like the ashes is where I'm meant to be. Can I not crawl from them and start fresh and new? I should have never let my walls down. A moment of pure weakness over some dickhead that played me in the worst of ways.

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Another day has come and gone. No one has bothered me since Matt tried to get me to eat something. A stagnant smell filled the room waking me from my self pity. I've had enough of this crap. I got up from the bed and looked out the window to see nothing but darkness mixed with the rising sun. I grabbed some clothes from the closet and headed into the bathroom. I think smelling my own stinch was just the one thing I needed to pull me out of my catatonic state. I stepped into the warm shower and began washing the filth from my body. If he can't love me for who I am today then he's not much of a man to begin with. A fucking scumbag is what he really is.

I stepped out of the shower feeling refreshed and satisfied with the way I smelled and looked. I wiped the steam covered mirror with the my towel and saw my reflection. I was a little thinner and paler than usual but that was going to change. I dressed and brushed out my hair for it to air dry before quietly leaving my room. I went downstairs and saw Brian laid out on the couch with several beer and liquor bottles in front of him on the coffee table. I went into the living room and sat down in the big comfy recliner and just stared at Brian's sleeping form. The sunlight that came through the living room window slowly moved over the room before hitting Brian in the face. His hands went to his closed eyes before he slowly opened them. He looked right over at me and almost jumped just out of his skin. Even though that didn't happen, he did fall right off the couch. I tried to stifle a chuckle but I couldn't.

"I'm glad to see that you've decides to emerge from your room but did you have to scare me when I have a hangover?"

"Yes I did. It gets your blood flowing." I said standing and leaving the room. I went into the kitchen and got him a glass of water plus some headache medication before bringing it to him.

"Here." He looked up at me and eagerly took the items in my hands. I sat down next to him and laid my head on his shoulder after he took the medicine.

"Thanks Jade. So what you come down?"

"I was tired of feeling down. It took some time but I finally realized that he wasn't worth the tears I cried or the depression I felt." I said and Brian wrapped an arm around me and rubbed down my arm.

"I'm glad you're better.if you had stayed on there any longer j think Matt and Jimmy were ready to break the door down."

"I kind of figudre they would." I said chuckling. I felt Brian's head touch mine and a shiver went down my spine. Even though I've pulled my ass out of the fire I'm determined to leave the ashes behind.