Rush Of The Past

The nighttime adventures on the Boys Like Girls bus almost made life easier in some way. Long talks with Bryan were always in store and movies with the guys became almost what I lived for before going to sleep. It had been three weeks since Alex and I had last seen each other and though it wasn't like we'd known each other that long, it felt like it had been a lifetime I saw his face.

"You liking tour so far?" Paul sat across from me at the small table in the front lounge. It was his nightly question and like every night prior to this one, I smiled and said yes. It felt like he thought they were doing something wrong or weren't keeping me in as good of company as they thought, but truly, there was nothing wrong with them or their tour. Everything was perfectly intact and I was having the time of my life out on the road. A few nights prior to this I even got to sing "The Fourth Drink Instinct" with Shaant from Cute Is What We Aim For outside a venue in Washington. "You always look so lonely this time of night, you know." He told me with a small, crooked smile.

I laughed softly. "Just waiting on the boy to call." I told him flat-out. He nodded and stood up to scruff up my hair before heading to the back lounge to play video games with some of the crew members. It was just John, Martin, Bryan, and I up front now and the guys decided that they were going to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze for what seemed to be the thousandth time. "You boys are pathetic." I told them and got Martin to blow a raspberry in my direction as if he were a small child. It had gotten to the point where the only song stuck in my head as of late was Vanilla Ice's "Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!" rap in the movie. It was also the part of the movie where all the guys would stand-up and rap along with the movie, word-for-word.

"Hey," I heard Bryan as he nudged me, "Elly, your phone's ringing." I opened my eyes to the bright bus, unaware that I had even fallen asleep in the first place. Bryan handed me my phone and I tried to lean up more, but I became wobbly due to the grogginess, so instead I kept my head rested on his shoulder.

"Hello?" I answered, knowing that I sounded more annoyed than ever before.

"Well, good morning, Sunshine," Alex laughed on the other end.

"It's really late." I yawned and positioned myself into a more comfortable position between Bryan and Martin. I was correct though, it was going on 4 a.m. where we were.

"It's only 3," he chuckled again. If there's anything I adored in this world, it was Alex's laugh. I could just imagine seeing his face light up and his eyes wrinkle in the corners as he smiled. It was one of my favorite sights to see. "Maybe I should let you get some sleep, though."

"It's okay," I mumbled. Martin stood up and extended his hand out to help me up. "Hold on, Al."

"Come on, get up." Martin demanded. I was almost too tired to reach my hand out to his, but when I did, he effortlessly lead me to my bunk. It was then that I realized that most of the crew members had gone to sleep, even John had left the front lounge and crawled into his bunk for the night.

"I need to wash my face." I told Martin. He rolled his eyes at me and scoffed.

"Just go to bed, Eleanor." He laughed as he pulled back the curtain on my bunk. "I'm sure you'll be fine if you skip that for one night."

"Miss Eleanor!" I heard on the phone which was now dropped to my side. I could already tell that it was Jack using a terrible British accent. Afterwards I heard mumbling.

"Go," Martin sighed, "the world's not gonna end because Eleanor Ainsworth didn't remove her make-up one night." I rolled my eyes back at him and crawled into the cramped little bunk that I was calling home for the tour. Only a few more weeks and I could be back to my actual bed. "Goodnight, Elly."

"Goodnight, Martin." I grumbled while turning on the little light above me and pulled the phone back up to my ear. "Sorry about that."

"I'm glad that you and the guys are getting along and all, but I think Jack misses you more than I do… If that's even possible." He was exaggerating in the cutest way possible.

"Well, I do miss him more than I miss you. He is quite lovely, you know." I teased.

"My lady misses you more than she misses me, you stupid shit." Alex pouted.

"You lady, huh?" I asked and bit my lip with my face scrunched up.

I heard him gulp on the other end. "Mhmm, my lady. That's you." He sounded shy about saying this, but it sounded resplendent coming from his mouth.

"Elly!" Jack's voice lit up on the other end, jerking me awake even more.

"What's going on, Jacky?" Somehow, my tone always ended up less serious and more playful whenever I talked to Jack. He was a kid at heart and I envied the way he looked at the world. I wish I had Peter Pan syndrome so I could be right there next to him, viewing the entire world in all of its proper and infectious colors that beam through the sky.

"Dude, we miss your ass around here. I'm pretty sure Zack's like… I don't know, but honestly, he's getting way too into exercising, man. He's a fucking mad man as of late; lifting weights all the time. And Rian's… Rian's Rian. Alex is going insane without seeing you, writing more than he normally does. We miss you, okay?" By the end of his small speech, he started to laugh delightfully. He probably had one too many beers for the night. In the background, I could hear Alex steal the phone back from Jack. "Apologies." Alex sounded embarrassed for both him and the drunken Lost Boy.

"It's more than okay, Al."

"Should I let you sleep, El?" I could hear the small smile in his voice and it made my stomach fill with butterflies.

"Do me a favor first?" I started to giggle.

"What would that be?"

"Sing me to sleep, please." I sounded like a tiny child asking for her parents to read her just one more book to delay her bedtime.

"I don't know…" He teased. "Any specific requests?"

"I was thinking about some John Mayer for the night. And since my iPod is completely dead, I thought that you were the next best choice." I heard Alex starting to crack up.

"I can't sound like him."

"I don't need you to sound like him, silly. Just sing me something mellow and be you."

"That I can do thanks to Zack's John Mayer obsession. Goodnight, El." His voice was soft, almost sounding as tired as I was.

"Goodnight, Al."

After that, I heard him start singing "Something's Missing" from John Mayer's Heavier Things album. I bit my lip from sheer happiness in the sadness of the song and silently drifted off to sleep.

When autumn comes, it doesn't ask
it just walks in where it left you last
And you never know when it starts
until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart
Something's missing and I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing and I don't know what it is at all
I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test for loneliness,
for loneliness like this