The Rain Still Makes You Smile
A Few Months Before
I forced a smile onto my thin lips. "You guys were amazing tonight! We love you!" I yelled, and then we ran off stage, drenched in our own sweat. Rian made a sound as Cassidee ran up and hugged him. Zack, Jack and I made a face. We were sick and tired of their relationship, to be honest. I mean, We were happy he was happy but, being the single dorks we are, we had no female companions. I spotted a mirror across the backstage area and walked towards it. When I came close enough, I cringed. Dark bags hung under my eyes. I ran my fingers through my hair, erasing all traces of neatness. Between my red flushed face, and my stained red legs, I could be a lobster. I tried to laugh but it came out shaky and cold. That dream died quickly. Jack came up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "You need help, Alex" He said softly. I didn't know what I was doing. I look back on this moment now and wonder why I ever did it. I'm not sure, I just know I did. My hand shot up and caught Jack straight across the cheek. "What the fuck Alex?!" Jack screeched. "I do not need any help whatsoever! I'm fine!"
"You're slowly killing yourself!"
"Maybe that's the plan!" I yelled, turning on my heels and storming out. I pushed through the screaming fans and stepped onto the bus, then locked myself in the small bathroom. Nobody came after me. So I picked up my blade and lowered my pants. I ran my hands along the scars. There could've been hundreds of them, I swear. I brought the blade to my skin three or four times for good measures, then I cleaned the blood that was creeping to surface off. I didn't feel a thing, honestly. People think it hurts. But the blood that comes with it, releases the pressure. Like it's all built up in the veins, and it leaks out with the blood. I pulled my pants back up as voices filled the bus. I sat on the floor and buried my face in my knees. Tears blurred my vision as I stayed there, hearing Jack talking to the guys. "I just want to help him! He won't let me!" Jack groaned, aggravated. "I just give up! I'm done helping him! He can starve, he can cut, he can die for all I care! He just better know damn well I'll be right fucking behind him!" I heard him yell from the living room. A sound escaped my lips. I stood quickly and went to the small cabinet, swinging the doors open. "Please" I whimpered, looking through the bottles and packages and everything. A plastic perscription bottle clattered onto the floor and crashed open. Wait- not perscription. These were what I was looking for. Almost instantly I heard a key in the door. Shit, that's right. The bathroom has a key. I quickly crashed to my knees and desperately scooped the pills into my mouth. The door swung open after I had stood up. The room was spinning. It all happened so fast. I reeled backwards, my back hitting the wall before I slid down it, and that's where it all ended.
"You're slowly killing yourself!"
"Maybe that's the plan!" I yelled, turning on my heels and storming out. I pushed through the screaming fans and stepped onto the bus, then locked myself in the small bathroom. Nobody came after me. So I picked up my blade and lowered my pants. I ran my hands along the scars. There could've been hundreds of them, I swear. I brought the blade to my skin three or four times for good measures, then I cleaned the blood that was creeping to surface off. I didn't feel a thing, honestly. People think it hurts. But the blood that comes with it, releases the pressure. Like it's all built up in the veins, and it leaks out with the blood. I pulled my pants back up as voices filled the bus. I sat on the floor and buried my face in my knees. Tears blurred my vision as I stayed there, hearing Jack talking to the guys. "I just want to help him! He won't let me!" Jack groaned, aggravated. "I just give up! I'm done helping him! He can starve, he can cut, he can die for all I care! He just better know damn well I'll be right fucking behind him!" I heard him yell from the living room. A sound escaped my lips. I stood quickly and went to the small cabinet, swinging the doors open. "Please" I whimpered, looking through the bottles and packages and everything. A plastic perscription bottle clattered onto the floor and crashed open. Wait- not perscription. These were what I was looking for. Almost instantly I heard a key in the door. Shit, that's right. The bathroom has a key. I quickly crashed to my knees and desperately scooped the pills into my mouth. The door swung open after I had stood up. The room was spinning. It all happened so fast. I reeled backwards, my back hitting the wall before I slid down it, and that's where it all ended.