The Rain Still Makes You Smile
Chapter 4- Broken
"You can't tell anyone. Please. Then they'll start treating me for it. And the treatments are awful. Please." I begged. "Alex, the treatments are for your own good. For your sake, not ours."
"Please Nelly. I'll do anything." I said, getting on my knees and clasping my hands together in front of my face. She sighed and nodded. "Okay, Alex. It's our little secret." She agreed. I stood and nodded, pulling her into a hug. "Thank you Nelly. I don't want a treatment, I want to carry on. Maybe I wanted to die. Maybe." Was all I got to slip in, before we turned around and headed back to Nimrick's. We stepped in and I took off my shoes and my coat, keeping the beanie on. As I headed back to my room I picked up some long sleeve shirts, before disappearing behind the door and locking it. I tied the shirts together, my breathing uneven. I closed my curtains and looked at the roof. I found a stray hook in the roof, relief washing over me. I tied the shirt link to the hook just as somebody tried to get in. I hurriedly tied a noose knot. "Alex?" A voice on the other side called. "Alex!" Move and more voices came through. I stepped up onto the bed, shaking. they got the door open and somebody got the link to come apart as I tried to jump down, trust me, it's further off the ground than you'd think. I hit the ground this a sickening thump that broke my heart. Tears streamed down my face and I could barely breathe past the tears and hurt. "Please" I whimpered. "Please just let me die..."
"Alex! What would your friends say?" A woman asked. I knew I knew who she was, but I couldn't put a name to the voice. I felt my hed get moved to somebody's lap and a soothing hand stroked my hair as I sobbed. They changed my position so that I was sitting up almost entirely, my head rested on their boob. I didn't care. The woman tried to soothe me, to calm me down. "I just want to die so much." I sobbed. "It hurts less than living."
"Don't you ever say that. People love you, and need you."
"Like who?!" I took a deep breath. "Who would ever miss me? Who would need me? Who would love a suicidal freak like me?"
"Your friends" She whispered. "Just them. They'll move on!"
"No, they won't" The girl placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head and held me until I got ahold of myself. My body shook rapidly and I took short, quick breaths, the only way I could take a deep breath was if I forced myself to. Moving hurt too much. Breathing hurt to much. Blinking hurt too much. Living hurt to much. Everything to go wrong in my life was my fault. Always my fault. Never anyone else's. I'm why Tom died. I'm why every around me hurt. I'm why people cried. Why people cut. It was because of me. I was hurting my friends more than I was helping them. Jack, Zack and Rian could just find a new singer. Find a new friend. Replace me. Nice and simple. I looked up to see who the girl was, and couldn't say a word.
"Please Nelly. I'll do anything." I said, getting on my knees and clasping my hands together in front of my face. She sighed and nodded. "Okay, Alex. It's our little secret." She agreed. I stood and nodded, pulling her into a hug. "Thank you Nelly. I don't want a treatment, I want to carry on. Maybe I wanted to die. Maybe." Was all I got to slip in, before we turned around and headed back to Nimrick's. We stepped in and I took off my shoes and my coat, keeping the beanie on. As I headed back to my room I picked up some long sleeve shirts, before disappearing behind the door and locking it. I tied the shirts together, my breathing uneven. I closed my curtains and looked at the roof. I found a stray hook in the roof, relief washing over me. I tied the shirt link to the hook just as somebody tried to get in. I hurriedly tied a noose knot. "Alex?" A voice on the other side called. "Alex!" Move and more voices came through. I stepped up onto the bed, shaking. they got the door open and somebody got the link to come apart as I tried to jump down, trust me, it's further off the ground than you'd think. I hit the ground this a sickening thump that broke my heart. Tears streamed down my face and I could barely breathe past the tears and hurt. "Please" I whimpered. "Please just let me die..."
"Alex! What would your friends say?" A woman asked. I knew I knew who she was, but I couldn't put a name to the voice. I felt my hed get moved to somebody's lap and a soothing hand stroked my hair as I sobbed. They changed my position so that I was sitting up almost entirely, my head rested on their boob. I didn't care. The woman tried to soothe me, to calm me down. "I just want to die so much." I sobbed. "It hurts less than living."
"Don't you ever say that. People love you, and need you."
"Like who?!" I took a deep breath. "Who would ever miss me? Who would need me? Who would love a suicidal freak like me?"
"Your friends" She whispered. "Just them. They'll move on!"
"No, they won't" The girl placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head and held me until I got ahold of myself. My body shook rapidly and I took short, quick breaths, the only way I could take a deep breath was if I forced myself to. Moving hurt too much. Breathing hurt to much. Blinking hurt too much. Living hurt to much. Everything to go wrong in my life was my fault. Always my fault. Never anyone else's. I'm why Tom died. I'm why every around me hurt. I'm why people cried. Why people cut. It was because of me. I was hurting my friends more than I was helping them. Jack, Zack and Rian could just find a new singer. Find a new friend. Replace me. Nice and simple. I looked up to see who the girl was, and couldn't say a word.