Burst Into Flames

~Tony's POV

I placed a hand on the table, trying to stabilize myself, "You do understand that I don't give a fuck, right?" I said, looking at Vic.

He nodded, "I know you don't, but I also know you. You care about them, about Leia."

I shook my head, pouring myself another shot. That seemed to be all I was doing on tour, drinking and performing, "I really don't. Fuck off with Mike like you always do." I slurred.

He furrowed his brow, "We've got a show in twenty minutes, Tone, slow the fuck down with the whiskey."

I laughed, "But, Vic, that's the only way I can play anymore."

He sighed, rolling his eyes and muttering 'whatever'. I looked over at Jaime who was Skypeing with Arietta like he did before every show and fake gagged. He gave me a dirty look, turning back to his laptop. I shrugged, why let them ruin my night?

I threw the bus door open, the line to the venue wrapped around it, all the way down the street. I laughed, finding it ironic that they all came to see us play. I felt good in a bad way, like I ruled the world at gunpoint.

Some fans spotted me, screaming and running over. I smiled at them, "Hey guys!"

They all said hi, asking for pictures and telling me how much I'd helped them. The only thing that went through my mind was 'why can't someone help me?'.

~*~

"How many of you, right here, have ever felt like the only thing you keep living for is the music?" A loud scream went through the venue, "Like if you didn't have music you'd have no reason to exist?"

They screamed again, I looked out over the crowd. Knowing these kids felt the same as I did sobered me up a little.

"If it weren't for these three mother fuckers right here," Vic said, gesturing at the three of us, "I wouldn't be here right now."

I felt my eyes water, knowing that if I hadn't met them I wouldn't be alive either. I looked over at Vic, giving him a quick nod.

He laughed, "This next song is called Props & Mayhem.."

~*~

When the show was over we all piled into the bus. I looked over at Vic, "That was amazing."

He smiled, "Biggest rush ever."

"No," I shook my head, "What you said. Before we played the last song. I mean.. I didn't know you felt that way, you're the strongest out of the four of us. I just.. I wanted to say sorry."

He gave me a quizzical look.

"I've had my head stuck up my ass for so long, I almost forgot what it felt like to hurt this bad." I looked down at my hands.

He put his arm around my shoulder, "I'm not sure if you're being serious right now, but I do know that whatever's bothering you.. well, it'll go away. It'll get better."

I nodded, looking at him, "I messed up, bad."

He smiled sadly, "I know. Thank god you realized it." He got up and went over to his bunk, pulling out a picture frame, "Elise told me to give this to you when you realized how much you fucked up."

I looked down at the picture. It was of Leia and Elise with a note that said 'Can't wait until you get home! :) We love you!'. I felt tears well up in my eyes, "W-why are you giving this to me?"

He smiled again, "Call her, Tone."

I did just that, not taking my eyes off their faces.

"Hello?" Elise answered, sounding sleepy.

"Elise?" I whispered, it'd been close to two months since I heard her voice.

"Tony? What.. it's like, four in the morning." She whispered.

"Shit, sorry. I didn't think about time.. sorry. But.. hey." I rubbed the back of my neck.

I heard her laugh a little, getting out of bed, "Hey."

"Elise.. I-"

She cut me off, "I know. I knew you'd only call if you realized.. If you stopped being such a fucking dick."

I sighed, "Yeah. I'm sorry. I.. I don't even know what I was doing. It seems like almost a life time ago."

"It does," She laughed, "How are you, Tony?"

I rubbed my chin, stubble tickling my fingers, "Shit. I've been thinking about you a lot lately, about how stupid I was. It makes me feel like the lowest person on this planet.."

"You don't have to feel bad, Tony. I cheated too, remember? There's some scars you can't just erase, unfortunately." She chuckled.

I nodded into the phone. She wasn't usually this blunt, I liked it, "So.. how're you and Leia?"

"She's good, really good. She looks just like.. Mike. It's scary because sometimes I try to see you in her, and I almost do, but then it's like a mini-Mike staring up at me. I'm.. well, I'm still going. " She sighed.

"Vic gave me that picture. I miss her. And you. I miss you, too."

I heard her make a desperate noise, "Tony.."

"No, I know. I know. I'll be home in three days, we'll talk then."

"Okay, Tony. I miss you, the old you."

I sighed, "I miss him too, but maybe the new me can show you how much I still love you."

"Maybe.." She trailed off, yawning.

"Hey, I'm sorry about waking you up. I just.. Vic told me to call you. I needed to hear your voice. I'll let you get back to sleep."

"Okay. I'll see you when you get here."

"Yeah, bye."

Right before I hit the end button, I was almost sure I heard her say, "I love you." But that could just be the whiskey talking.