Do I Turn Out Alright?

[Sapphire]

All I could think about was Alex. He was on my mind every second of the day, and even in my dreams at night. His scent, his hands on me, the pressure his lips left on mine, the soft whisper of his voice as he said my name. Even four days after our kiss at the outlet mall, my mind was fogged by him. I found myself having to restrain myself from saying his name in bed with Matt the night before when we were in a hotel on our night off. Thankfully tour ended in four days and I would be back at home with Matt, away from Alex. The distance would do as good. Every second with him only adds to the sexual desire I have for him.

Years ago, when Alex and I had our short little fling, I put it down to just being angry at Matt. He and I had gotten in a very large argument over whether I should move out of my sisters apartment and into a place with him. I figured it was too soon, he thought differently. Needless to say, we broke up and he ran off to Vegas for a week with Vinny, Jack and Rian. Alex was there for me as I vented to him about Matt's ridiculous behavior and just basically all that was wrong with me at that moment in time. We shared a twelve pack and an entire bottle of Yagermeister. By the end of that first night, we were rolling around the sheets together.

The following days we spent every second in bed. Not always having sex, but we spent a lot of time sitting together and talking. He told me all about his older brother Tom who had died when Alex was younger. He confided in me about his off and on again girlfriend Lisa. It was those four days with Alex that he became my other half. He knew every dark secret about me, aside from Adam of course since he didn't know about that until a few days ago, and I knew everything about him.

I thought my sexual desires for Alex were extinguished from those four days. Sure, I was still attracted to him, he was gorgeous, but I never wanted for him like that again. Matt was far from satisfactory when it came to that department so I never had any trouble not wanting Alex like that again, I was always satisfied. Which is why it confused me so much that I was now wanting for Alex so much.

As the days passed since Alex and I's kiss, we didn't talk about it. After we had pulled apart we went back to the bus and haven't said a word about it. Thankfully, our relationship hasn't gotten awkward or weird. We are still close, no one, especially Matt, suspects a thing.

The band and crew were currently lounged around the bus. Jack, Alex and I were in the back lounge playing the x-box. Matt had gone off to run errands and I didn't really care where anyone else was. I was currently laying on my back on the couch, my legs resting in Alex's lap. Jack sat on the couch beside my head while the two were engaged in a very heated battle on Halo.

"You fucker! Stop coming the fuck out of nowhere and killing me, asshole!" Alex yelled, throwing his hands up in the air as Jack killed him yet again. Jack laughed and shook his head while I chuckled at Alex. This went on for another five minutes until the game ended and Jack won by two kills.

"Ha! Take that, bitch!" Jack yelled, fist pumping the air in triumph. Alex groaned and buried his face in my legs as I laughed.

"Alex, you suck." I told him right as Matt walked into the back lounge looking very excited about something.

"You will not believe who I just met!" He told us as he rushed over to where my head was and lifted it before sitting down so my head rested on his thigh.

"Brad Pitt?" Jack questioned seriously making us frown and shake our head at him. "What? It could happen." He muttered, crossing his arms over his scrawny chest.

"No, not Brad Pitt. Adam Levine, the singer of Maroon 5!" I felt as if my world just stopped. I knew from the weird look that Alex gave me I had just turned pale as my eyes widened. "They are playing here tonight. We got to talking and he likes your guys' music. He invited us all to his show tonight, backstage!" I quickly sat up making Alex and Matt frown at me.

"I don't want to go." I told Matt, shaking my head which made him frown more.

"What? Why? I hear you listening to Maroon 5 all the time, you like them. Or so I though." I just shook my head and stood up.

"I'm not going. You guys have fun." With that I left the back lounge. I ignored their calls and made my way down the narrow hallway, shoving past crew members as I went until I was finally off the bus. I walked across the parking lot we were stopped in and went to a picnic table that was in the grass under a tree off to the side. I sat down and put my head in my hands. I couldn't believe this. My current boyfriend wanted me to go see my ex boyfriend. Of course, in Matt's defense, he didn't know that Adam Levine was my ex boyfriend. He knew that I had dated someone while I lived in LA, but he didn't know how serious it was or who it was.

"Sapphire?" I looked up to see Alex walking towards me. "Are you alright?" He asked as he sat down beside me.

"Yeah. Just wanted some fresh air, being cooped up on that bus with smelly guys gets to be a little much some times." I joked, shoving him slightly, making him laugh.

"Adam Levine is the Adam you dated for seven years, isn't it?" He asked, his face falling seriously, making my own smile fall. Of course good old Alex would always cut straight to the chase.

"Yes, Alex," I sighed. "it is." I confessed.

"Matt doesn't know?" He questioned, making me shake my head. "Don't you think he should? If he knew, he wouldn't make you go tonight. Which that is the biggest coincidence in the world, the two of them meeting. Small world, eh?" I nodded at his words, picking at my nails.

"I haven't seen Adam since we broke up and I moved out of our apartment. If I go tonight it will be the first time in four years that I have looked at his face. I listen to his music, sure, but I've always been careful to avoid seeing him." I told him, shrugging.

"You still care for him."

"Of course I do, Alex. I was with the man for seven years. He was my first kiss, my first love, my first time, he was my first everything. I was supposed to spent forever with him. I'll always care for Adam, but I can't see him. I know that my feelings for him stopped, I didn't want to be with him, but that doesn't make what happened easy. It sucked, a lot. I wanted us to work, he wanted us to work. I do miss him, I think seeing him, maybe even talking to him, would ruin everything I have with Matt. It would bring back too many memories." I confessed. I looked up from my hands to see Alex watching me with a slight pained expression.

"I think you should go tonight. You don't have to go backstage, you and I can hang out in the crowd. I think a night out would be good for you, plus I feel like maybe you should see his face. Seeing him may give you the closure that you obviously never got. Seeing him may do the opposite of what you think." He pushed making me sigh and shrug.

"You promise that I don't have to talk to him? I don't want Matt finding out about us." I gave in. I was so nervous. Could I really go and see Adam's band as if nothing was wrong? Could I hide it from Matt that the man on stage that he was suddenly friends with was my past love? I didn't know but I guess I was about to find out.

"Hey, Sapphire!" We looked up when we heard my boyfriend call my name. "Are you gonna go, or what? We are heading out, if you are." I stood up as I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm coming." I saw Matt break into a grin.

"Good." He stepped up to me and placed his lips on my own. Flashes of Alex blurred across my vision making me scrunch up my eyebrows before pulling away from Matt. His lip ring suddenly felt far too wrong against my lips. I forced a smile on my face anyway though and reached forward to take his hand.

"Let's go." I said. I turned and gave Alex a small smile before allowing Matt to pull me back across the parking lot to where the rest of the band and crew were waiting, Alex following us silently.

"So I was talking with Adam for awhile. I told him all about you, he wants to meet you." Matt told me. My blood ran cold.

"You told him my name?" I questioned. If Matt told him my name, he would surely know it was me.

"Your first name, why?" I just shook my head and shrugged.

"Just wondering." I mumbled. He shrugged and started to lead the group and myself towards the venue that Maroon 5 were playing at. It was of course much larger than the one All Time Low were playing at the next night. When we arrived there we went to the back, Matt claiming that he had instructions from Adam. We got to the back door and stopped as Matt let go of my hand to pull out his phone, dialing a number.

"Adam, hey! We're here." He said into the phone. I turned and gave Alex a panic filled look when Matt looked away. "Great, see you soon." Matt hung up and smiled at us all before taking my hand again. "He's having someone come open the door for us. We'll meet him in his dressing room." Just then the back door opened making us all turn towards it. My heart was racing, hoping it wasn't Adam. It slowed a little when I saw that instead it was a man dressed in all black with the words Security across his chest. He gestured us in and gave us instructions to the Maroon 5 dressing room.

"Hey, Matt." We all stopped and turned to Alex who made his way through our large group to stand in front of me and Matt. "I want to go get a beer at the bar."

"I'm sure Adam and the guys have beer in their dressing room." Matt told him. He started to walk again but Alex grabbed his arm.

"I want to see what beer they have on tap. I'll be right back. Sapphire can come with me." Oh Alex, my hero.

"Oh... okay. I guess." Before Matt could say anything else, Alex took my arm and pulled me down the hall, past all the dressing rooms and out the side stage door. Since doors weren't open yet, there was no one but crew members milling around.

"Thank you so much, Alex." I told him as we went over to the bar in the back.

"Don't mention it." He told me, giving me a soft smile. After he ordered us both a beer we stood there drinking it. Soon enough the doors opened and people started pouring open so we went off to the side and leaned up against the wall. Matt kept calling and texting me, asking me to come back stage already but I told him that we had met some people and were busy talking with them but would be back soon. As the opening band, Neon Trees, started Alex and I made our way into the crowd and danced and had fun. I was having so much fun that I totally forgot that Adam was up next. "Do you want another beer?" Alex asked me when Neon Trees finished and the Maroon 5 crew started setting up. I felt the nerves quickly return so I nodded. Alex gave me a smile. "Stay here, I'll be right back." He leaned down and gave me a soft kiss on the lips, which made me smile before he disappeared in the crowd towards the bar.

Alex returned with a beer for us to share right as the lights dimmed and the crowd began to scream louder with anticipation. My palms were sweaty and my heart was racing. Alex wrapped his arm around my waist, holding me close against him.

"It'll be fine, don't worry." He assured me, kissing my temple. I simply nodded right as I saw him walk out. In the four years since I had last seen him he hadn't changed much. Maybe matured a little more, filled out his tall skinny body with muscles and gotten more tattoos. He was by far more attractive, and that's saying something as he had never been ugly. He was as gorgeous as I remember. As they jumped into their first song I found myself getting into it. I let my eyes close and my head fall back onto Alex's shoulder as we swayed to the music.

"Alright, we're gonna slow it down just a little big." I heard Adam say, making me open my eyes to look up at him as they started into another song.

I never knew perfection till
I heard you speak and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things

Now waking up is hard to do
Sleeping's impossible too
And every thing's reminding me of you
What can I do?

It's not right, not okay
Say the words that you're saying
Maybe we're better off this way

I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way
It's better that we break

A fool to let you slip away
I'll chase you just to hear you say
You're scared enough
You think that I'm insane

I see you, you look so nice from here
Pity, I can't see it clearly
Why you're standing there
It disappears, it disappears

It's not right, not okay
Say the words that you're saying
Maybe we're better off this way

I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way
It's better that we break

Saw you sitting on the lawn
You're fragile and you're cold
But that's all right

The lie these days is getting rough
Knocked you down and beat you up
But it's just a roller coaster anyway, yeah

It's not right, not okay
Say the words that you're saying
Maybe we're better off this way

I'm not fine, I'm in pain
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way

I'm not fine, I'm not okay
Say the words that you're saying
Maybe we're better off this way

I'm not fine, I'm not okay
It's harder everyday
Maybe we're better off this way
It's better that we break, baby

By the end of the song my heart was racing again. That song really hit a cord with me. It seemed like our situation fit it perfectly. Did he write a song about us? No, he couldn't have...

"Sapphire?" I looked up into Alex's concerned chocolate brown eyes. "Was that about you?" He questioned.

"I don't know... it really seemed like it." Alex didn't say anything more as we just stood there in silence for the rest of their set. As soon as it ended and people began to clear out, Matt called me. I answered it with shaking hands. "Hello?"

"Hey, babe! Where were you?!" He questioned.

"Me and Alex were out in the crowd, you know I like it better out there." I told him as Alex pulled me over to the side as people swarmed out of the venue.

"Well come back stage now! Adam really wants to meet my beautiful girlfriend that I've been talking all night about."

"I don't know, Matt. Alex and I are really tired, we kind of just want to go back to the bus.." I lied.

"Saphrina, if you do not get your ass in here, I will come out there and drag you in here. Adam nicely invited us all, don't be a bitch. At least come say hello." Great, Matt was angry. He had also been most likely drinking back stage and from the sounds of it a lot.

"Fine, Matt, we'll be there in a second." With that I hung up and shoved my phone back in my jeans pocket.

"You sure about this?" Alex questioned as I took his hand and led him over to the backstage door.

"Maybe he won't recognize me." I told him, shrugging. We both of course knew I was lying. Of course he would recognize me. We made our way down the hall until we got to the Maroon 5 dressing room. I stood outside the door, my heart racing.

"We can just leave... Matt won't come after us until we are already too far gone." Alex suggested, squeezing my hand. I sighed and shook my head.

"No... let's just get this over with." I went to open the door but Alex pulled back back and gave me a gentle kiss on the lips.

"No matter what happens, you always have me." I felt my heart simply melt at his words. This man...

"Thanks, Alex." I smiled at him one last time before releasing his hand and opening the door.

"Finally!" I heard Matt yell as soon as we entered. "Come here, babe!" He called me to his side. I kept my eyes on the ground as I followed his voice. He wrapped his arm around my waist as soon as I stepped up beside him. I stared down at the shoes in front of us, knowing that they belonged to him. "Adam, I'd like you to finally meet my gorgeous girlfriend Sapphire. Sapphire, this is Adam Levine." I finally looked up and our eyes connected. The smile that graced his stubble covered face instantly fell.

"Sapphire." He whispered. In the next second he had me enveloped against his chest. "I can't believe its you." He whispered into my hair as he clutched at me.

"Hey, Adam." I greeted when we pulled back. I turned to see Matt giving us a very bewildered look.

"God, how long has it been?" Adam questioned.

"Four years." I mumbled, looking away from Matt to stare at the floor.

"You two know each other?" Matt questioned, making me sigh.

"Me and Saphrina? Definately. We go way back." Adam answered, giving my arm a soft smack making me nod.

"How far back?" Matt wondered. I could hear the anger laced in his voice making me inwardly groan.

"Oh I don't know, just out entire lives." Adam told him, laughing. "Sapphire was my first girlfriend. Haven't seen her since we broke up four years ago. She kind of disappeared off the face of the earth. I figured after a seven year relationship we'd at least stay friends, Sapphire." I closed my eyes as I heard just about everyone in the room gasp.

"Seven years?!" Jack yelled from across the room. "That's a fuckin long relationship! I thought her and Matt had been together for ever, fuck no. You got that beat, Adam."

"Seven years? You were with someone for seven years and you never told me?" I looked up at Matt who was glaring at me in disbelief.

"Why is it important if I told you or not? Adam is in the past... I'm with you, I have been for three years, the past doesn't matter." I told him but he shook his head.

"Of course it matters, Sapphire. Seven years is a long time. You always made it seem like I was your first serious relationship, now it makes what we have feel like nothing. We haven't even been together for half as long as you two were." I sighed and reached forward to rest my hand on Matt's arm but he pulled away from me.

"I'm sorry, Matt. I wanted to tell you but I don't like thinking about it." I told him truthfully. Matt simply shook his head and turned back to Adam who look incredibly guilty.

"Sorry to start shit, dude. I didn't know." Adam said, holding his hands up but Matt shook his head.

"Doesn't matter. Thanks for inviting us, it's been fun." With that Matt spun on his heel and left the room, slamming the door after him. I sighed and let my head fall into my hands.

"Sapphire... I am really sorry." I looked back up at Adam and shrugged.

"It's okay, it's my fault. I should have told him." I shrugged once more and sighed. "It was really nice seeing you. I should go though..." He simply nodded before I turned and left the room, not looking at any one else in the room. I had no idea where Matt had gone so I decided to just go back to the tour bus. I found him there, sitting in our bunk. "Matty?" I asked quietly as I pulled back the curtain. He turned and glared at me.

"Come to confess something else to me? Do you two have a kid together?" He questioned angrily. I sighed and shook my head.

"I should have told you, Matt. I'm sorry." He shook his head and reached forward, grabbing the curtain and sliding it shut.

"Find somewhere else to sleep tonight." I heard him say. I sighed and closed my eyes as I felt the tears well up in my eyes right as I heard the rest of the guys enter the bus. I went to the back lounge and sat on the couch, letting the tears fall down my cheeks.

"Sapphire?" I looked up as Alex entered the area. He sighed and sat beside me, taking me in his arms.

"Matt's pissed at me." I told him as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"What did he say?"

"He told me to sleep somewhere else tonight and closed the curtain in my face." I told him, making Alex sigh.

"Come on, you can sleep in my bunk, I'll take the couch." He stood up but I shook my head.

"I can sleep on the couch, Alex, its fine." I insisted but he shook his head and pulled me up. I willingly let me pull him back to the bunk area and into his small bottom bunk. "Will you stay with me?" I whispered as soon as my shoes and jacket were off and I was under the warm blankets. He gave me a sad look before he nodded and slipped off his own shoes and jacket. He curled up next to me and slid the curtain shut, throwing us into darkness.

"Everything will work out in the morning, don't worry." He assured me, making me smile and nod. He leaned down to kiss me again but I turned my head.

"Alex, we can't keep doing that. I've already hurt Matt, it's not right. I'm sorry... it won't happen ever again." I told him, making him frown.

"I like kissing you though. It feels right, you can't tell me that it doesn't feel like that for you, too." Of course it felt perfect for me but I had a boyfriend, a boyfriend who was already hurt by me, kissing his best friend was the worst thing I could do right now.

"It doesn't feel like that for me, it means nothing to me. Goodnight, Alex." It broke my heart to say that and see the torn look on his face but it needed to be done. I turned over closed my eyes. I heard him sigh before he cuddled up to my back, his arm resting across my waist. I was just slipping off into sleep when I heard him whisper something. I was so tired and worn out that I wasn't completely sure that I had heard him right. I was out like a light before I could question him though.

"You are my soulmate, Sapphire. I love you."