Do I Turn Out Alright?

[Alex]

I knew they wouldn't stay in this fight for long. Sapphire and Matt were already back to normal and it's only two in the afternoon, the day after the concert. I had awoken early that morning to Sapphire crawling from the bunk. I pretended to be asleep so I heard the entire conversation that happened between her and Matt.

"Sapphire, I'm so sorry." Matt whispered from his bunk where Sapphire now sat as well, across from me.

"Matty, you have no reason to be sorry. I'm sorry. I should have told you about Adam and I. It was just really hard for me, I wanted to forget about that part of my life, and I have. What Adam and I had... it's different than what you and I have. With you... I'm me and I want to be in this relationship, but with Adam it was like we had to be together because of our families." She explained. I heard Matt sigh and he probably ran his hand through his hair like he always does.

"I understand, babe. Let's just forget about this, alright? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reacted, and I know that you are sorry for not telling me. It's in the past." He told her.

"Sounds good to me." She agreed.

"Good, now come cuddle with me." Matt instructed making Sapphire giggle. I heard rustling and a few more giggles before the quiet bunk area was filled with the sounds of their lips moving together. As soon as I heard the moans escaping from them, I reached for my iPod and slipped my headphones on, blaring music until I fell asleep again.

It hurt to know that she could so easily go from being with me to having sex with Matt. I knew she wanted him, not me but when we kissed... it was perfect and even though I was just setting myself up for failure and heartbreak, I couldn't help but keep going back. I was in love with Sapphire and I wanted nothing more than for her to feel the same way back for me but I knew that she didn't.

When I got up after a few more hours of sleep I ventured out to the front lounge area to see Sapphire and Jack in a heated battle on Guitar Hero. Sapphire sat in front of Matt, his legs on either side of her and his arms wrapped around her waist. He kept pressing kisses to her neck, making her giggle but otherwise she remained focused on her game. I went and sat beside her and Matt and spent the next two hours watching my friends battle each other.

Now we were all getting ready to go out and do our own thing. Matt had to take care of stuff at the venue, Jack and Rian were going to do interviews, Zack was off doing whatever it was that he does, which left me and Sapphire alone to do whatever we wanted.

"Alex," I heard her complain from the bunk area. I stood up from where I sat on the couch beside Matt and went down the narrow hall to where she stood. "Have you seen the charger for my phone?" She asked. I laughed and shook my head, making her pout.

"Where did you last have it?" I questioned her as she continued to rummage through her and Matt's bunk, trying to find the charger.

"I don't even remember. I didn't charge it last night or yesterday, my phone is about to die." She explained, pushing aside the pillow encased in Matt's favorite Mickey Mouse pillowcase. How she put up with his Mickey Mouse obsession I will never understand. He was a psyco when it came to that character. Apparently she found it cute.

"Maybe you left it at the hotel the other night." I offered making her sigh. She ran a hand through her dirty blonde hair and sat down on the bunk.

"I probably did. I'm sure there's a verizon store around here somewhere, wanna go on a search with me so I can buy a new one?" I nodded at her question so we made our way to the front lounge. "I have to go buy a new charger. I left mine at the hotel." She explained to Matt who laughed at her.

"That's why you should make checklists, like I do!" Matt told her, pointing to his clipboard that sat on the table beside him. She rolled her eyes at him and reached over to grab his sweatshirt that sat beside him, sliding it over her own shoulders. "Yeah, sure. You can wear my hoodie." He told her sarcastically.

"Thanks, babe." She said, grinning at him. He rolled his eyes at her but grabbed the collar of her shirt and pulled her down to connect their lips. I saw her smile against his lips, making me cringe and turn to look away. I couldn't understand how she kissed me yesterday but now acts like it never happened, kissing her boyfriend like everything was perfect. We would be having a talk about this.

"You two have fun. Be back in an hour for soundcheck." I nodded at Matt's words and walked towards the door with Sapphire beside me. "I love you!" Matt called after Sapphire who turned and blew him a kiss.

"I love you more!" She exclaimed, Matt rolling his eyes.

"Not possible!" Sapphire simply laughed and stepped off the bus, me following.

"You two seem to be doing alright." I told her as soon as the door shut behind us. She sighed and pulled Matt's sunglasses from the pocket of his hoodie, sliding them on her face. She stuffed her hands in the pockets and shrugged, leading the way down the street.

"We've been together too long to let one simple thing like that break us up." She explained.

"What about us, Sapphire?" I questioned. She turned and looked at me though it was hard to read her expression with the sunglasses covering her eyes.

"There is no us, Alex." Her words seemed to cut me straight in the heart. "I have Matt... it's not right to hurt him."

"I care for you, Sapphire, a lot." I confessed, making her sigh.

"I care for you too, Alex but... I love Matt." I stopped, grabbing her arm and pulling her to a stop as well. "Alex?"

"When we kiss, do you not feel anything?" I asked her. She looked down at the ground, scuffling her feet.

"Alex, it doesn't really matter..." She spoke softly, still not looking up. I groaned.

"Yes, it does matter, Sapphire! When we kiss... it's everything to me. I've never felt like that kissing anyone else, not even Lisa. It's so perfect kissing you. I feel like I can accomplish anything, I'm like soaring when our lips touch. I feel unstoppable. It's perfect. My heart races when you are near, you are on my mind every second. You can't tell me that you don't feel it too." I confessed. She reached up and pulled her sunglasses off, finally looking at me.

"Alex," She whispered. I continued to stare down into her blue eyes, waiting for her to respond to my confession. "I... it doesn't matter how I feel about you, Alex. I'm with Matt. Matt loves me, I love him... you and I can't be together. I'm sorry." With that she turned and rushed quickly back in the direction of the tour bus. I stood there on the sidewalk, shocked. I was just shot down. Sapphire didn't feel for me the way I felt for her... She had to though. She smiles when I kiss her, she seems happy when I'm around. Maybe that was just my wishful thinking? No. She felt the same for me.

I quickly ran in the direction she went. Right as I turned the corner I saw Matt disappear into the venue. I ran towards the bus, quickly doing the passcode and entering the small space. Sapphire was just walking down the narrow hallway when I stormed in, making her turn to look at me. She had tears falling down her cheeks.

"Alex? What-?" I cut off her words by rushing across the small space and pulling her into my arms. I wasted no time in pressing my lips to hers. She gasped but made no move to pull away. I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her close to me while her arms wound around my neck as our lips moved together heatedly. There was only one other time we kissed like this and it was the first time we had ever kissed. Her and Matt had just broken up and she had drank two beers, I had just given her this speech about how she could do much better than him, she deserved someone who would treat her like she was royalty. She had then lunged across the couch and straddled me, kissing me just like this.

We continued to kiss as I backed her up and into the back lounge. I closed and locked the small door, enclosing us in the small space. She fell back on the couch, not releasing my lips as she pulled me on top of her, my hands roaming shamelessly up her shirt.

"Alex," She whispered against my lips.

"Shhh." I told her, moving my lips down to her neck. "Don't think. For the next 45 minutes just... be mine." I took her moan as a yes so I reattached our lips.

"I want to confess something to you, Alex." She told me breathlessly as I moved down to assault her neck with my lips again. I simply groaned against her skin as a response. "You kissing me is the most amazing I have ever felt in my life. No one else can make me feel like this." I couldn't help but smile and pull back to look at her.

"Good." Was all I said before my lips were back on hers. I felt her smile as she kissed me back. We spent the next half an hour or so reconnecting in a way we hadn't in 2 years. I have to admit that my sub conscious was yelling at me in the back of my head, telling me not to hurt Matt like this, but then she'd run her hands down my back and that part of my voice instantly shut up.

"That was the first time in a very long time I haven't had to hold back from moaning your name during sex." She told me later as we got dressed. I burst into laughter and pulled her over to kiss her temple. She smiled up at me, her face more content than I had ever seen it.

"You are somethin' else, Sapphire." I told her, making her laugh. Her smile then slid off her face and she frowned. "What is it?"

"This doesn't change anything, Alex... I'm still with Matt... He can never know about this." She told me. I couldn't help but have my smile drop a little but I quickly pulled it back up. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her to my side.

"I know that, Sapphire." I said. "I don't want Matt to hate me, but I just can't resist you some times." She laughed and nodded.

"I know what you mean." She looked up at me again and smiled, shaking her head. "You drive me crazy, Alex Gaskarth." I smiled and connected our lips in a soft kiss before pulling back to nudge my nose against hers.

"Likewise, Saphrina Hamilton." She laughed and shook her head.

"We are two fucked up people, you know that, right?" She asked me making me nod.

"Yes, but if being fucked up means that I get to kiss you and be with you, I'll take it." She laughed and pressed her lips to mine.

"You crazy son of a bitch." With that she stood up and left the room after giving me one more wink. I laughed and watched her walk down the hallway.

Me and this girl are in some deep shit now. But at least we're in it together.