Thank You

“So,” he started, flicking the his cigarette into the ash tray, “start from the beginning.”

“The beginning of what?” Jessica asked, fanning the stream of smoke out of her face.

He sighed as he smashed the cigarette into the ashtray. If she couldn’t smoke, he supposed smoking around her was it’s own form of torture. Plus, it wasn’t good for the baby. Shit. A baby.

“The beginning where this happened,” he said, lightly brushing his fingertips over the bruise just above her cheek. “And this,” he continued, lightly tugging on her short, choppy hair. She shrugged, just like he knew she would.

“I just got caught up in some bad things.”

“James things?” he asked. His brow furrowed as he watched her fidget.

“Sure. James things and other things.”

“Is that all I’m going to get?” She just shrugged, again. “My guess,” he leaned back in his chair and watched her continue to fidget, “Is that you got caught up in those bad things, those James things, and it got so bad that, for some reason, he hit you. You let him do it a few times,” he sighed, reaching over to touch the cut on the side of her mouth. She flinched. “…but finally, you had enough. You found out you were pregnant. You chopped all of your hair off and ran here to get away from the bad James things, hoping to disguise yourself as best you can. And here we are,” he finished, gesturing to the open air around him. What scared her most was how close he actually was.

“I didn’t let him hit me,” she spoke up after a long pause. “He did that all on his own.”

“I’ll kill him,” Austin spat out, forcing his way out of his chair and kicking it backwards. His blood was boiling now that he finally found out exactly who hurt her. He’d tried his best to protect her and he failed. Then again, he really didn’t have much choice. He couldn’t protect her from hundreds of miles away.

“Austin,” she sighed, standing up and shaking her head. “Just let it go. I’m here now and I doubt he’s looking for me.”

“I would have believed that if you hadn’t have gone and chopped all of your hair off as some sort of half assed disguise." Her brows furrowed and she glared at him. "Why did he hit you?”

“Well,” she blew her short bangs out of her face before she continued. “This,” she pointed to the cut on her mouth, “was for talking back. And the eye was because…” she paused, not wanting to tell him.

He placed his hands on her shoulders and encouraged her to continue. “I stole money from him,” she whispered, ashamed. She wasn’t the type of person to steal anything. She used to be, she supposed. But not now, now she was a different person. A better person.

“What?”

“I needed to pay for a visit to the clinic,” she shrugged. “I would do it again if I had to. I didn’t have any money and I couldn’t ask dad because he barely says anything these days. James had the money, you know. I mean, he’s a drug dealer. I had to see if I was pregnant and well, then he found out.”

“He found out what?” Austin asked, exasperated. “That you’re pregnant or that you stole money.”

“Well,” she spoke, leaning back against the railing of the deck and crossing her arms. “Both.”

“And he hit you.”

“Look, I knew what kind of a person he was. I’ve always known. But after you left me, I just needed to let go of everything. He had just what could help me with that.”

“After I left you?” Austin asked through gritted teeth. His eyes narrowed and almost disappeared as his hands fell off of her shoulders, resting limply at his sides. “How about after I was forced to leave?”

She bit her bottom lip, looking away from him. “I had to do it.”

“No. You didn’t have to. I was your husband.”

“No,” she snapped, finally looking back at him. “You weren’t. I didn’t even want to marry you in the first place.” She watched his face fall and it hit her hard, but of course, she couldn’t filter what was coming out of her mouth. It was her downfall. “I didn’t want you to get caught up in me. I’m bad news and I’m sure I told you that before we even got involved. Of course I wanted you to leave. I couldn’t bring you down with me. I care about you too much.”

“Well,” he breathed, scratching the back of his neck. “You could’ve fooled me.”

She fell silent after that, not knowing what else there was left to say.

“Does Ted know about any of that?” Austin asked, referring to her deal with James.

“No,” she said, almost too quickly. “And don’t you dare tell him.”

//\\//\\//\\//\\

“There’s… well there’s barely any food in the fridge. I suppose I should pick some up.” Austin informed her, moving through the room, looking for his keys. His nerves were shot and he could really use a cigarette. A beer wouldn’t hurt, either. “Uh, I’ve got the movie channels, they start at channel 500. Watch out for the smut, or I mean, watch it, if that’s what you’re into.” Still scanning the room for his keys, his eyes landed on hers and she gave him a smile.

“I’ll be fine.”

“That makes one of us,” he sighed, finally spotting them under a newspaper on the counter. “If I’m not back by 5, call 911.”

“It won’t be that bad,” Jessica reassured him. “Just tell her you love her and that this doesn’t have to change anything.” She was absent-mindedly fidgeting with the bottom of her pants, watching him scurry across the room.

“I can only try,” he smiled, moving to kiss the top of her head, a habit he wished he could have broken. “Make yourself at home.” She smiled and nodded before he pulled away, making his way towards the door.

“Austin-”

“Yeah?” he asked, turning around.

“Thank you.”

He just smiled and nodded, finally exiting through the door. His mind was a jumbled mass of confused thoughts and over-visited memories. After the way Taylor acted last night, he almost didn’t want to go see her. He couldn’t handle that whiny, pouty, temper tantrum shit. It wasn’t becoming of anyone, especially her. Their relationship was still rocky and he knew that something would have rocked the boat eventually if Jessica hadn’t have stepped in. It was only a matter of time.

He jogged down the stairs and to his car. Folding himself into the front seat, he brought the car to life, slowly backing out of the parking spot. He drove the short 6 miles to her house, hoping that her parents weren’t home. He loved them dearly, they were like family but he needed to speak to her alone. Would it be weird now?

He could remember a time, not too long ago, when everything he did was for her. She was the reason he loved waking up. No matter what time it was, he knew that she would always be beside him, still asleep because she could sleep all day if he let her. Her mass of brown waves always suffocating him throughout the night, but he didn’t mind. It comforted him in a way. Because she was there. She was there and she was his and he was hers and they just were. They were perfect. They hardly ever fought and if they did, Jesus, the make up sex was well worth it. Sometimes he thought that they both picked fights just for the aftermath. They had their daily routine down to a science and it would have never gotten old for him but, apparently, it did for her and it hurt him. He’d never wanted a serious girlfriend until he met her. He was good at the casual thing, great even. It was who he was. Not anymore. He still wanted it all, but now he had to convince himself that Taylor was the right person. If you would have asked him a year ago there would have been no hesitation whatsoever. It wasn’t until he heard the tapping on the window that he realized that he had made it to his destination and had been sitting idly in front of her house. He looked over to the passenger side window and unlocked the car door; an invitation.

“Hey,” she breathed as soon as she dropped into the car, closing the door behind her. He killed the engine and played with his key ring, not saying anything. He didn’t even know where to start and judging by the deafening silence, she didn’t either.

“I-” the both said at the same time. Austin let his head fall back on the headrest and closed his eyes. “Go ahead.”

“I’m sorry. I had no right to act the way I did. It was selfish and you deserve better than that. I hurt you enough already. I guess it’s your turn to hurt me,” she laughed, like it was actually supposed to be funny. His eyes snapped open and he looked over at her.

“You act like I meant for this to happen. Like this is just one giant payback.”

“Isn’t it?” she asked, challenging him. He let the angry chuckle escape from his throat as he threw the door open and climbed out of his car. She followed suit and slammed the car door behind her.

“So, in your little mind, I knocked Jess up to get back at you?”

“No,” she spat out, looking at him over the car. “You married her to get back at me because what other excuse is there? You barely knew her. How long have we been together, Austin?” Did you ever think about marrying me?”

“Every day,” he answered, calmly. “Every day until the day I found out you cheated on me.”

“I thought we were over that,” she groaned, running her over her face, indicating that she was already tired of the subject change.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be over that,” he answered honestly. “And if I am being honest, I am getting really tired of this whole thing.”

“Of what whole thing?” she asked, furrowing her brow.

“The whole me and you thing. I’m just getting tired of it. Maybe I was stupid for thinking that this could work again.” The air around them was silent. It was as if time was standing still.

“Maybe we just need some time apart,” she finally spoke up, a look of hope evident in her eyes.

“I came over to try to fix this. It’s what I wanted. I thought that you were what I wanted, but damn it, Tay." He forced his hand through his hair. "Do you realize that I’m going to be a dad?”

She grimaced and closed her eyes.

“I don’t want my child coming into this, whatever this is. It’s not healthy. It’s like our love got cancer or something and it’s slowly slipping further and further into darkness.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” she spoke up, slamming her hands on the top of the car.

“What happened with Eric?” He finally asked the question he had been dying to ask for weeks now.

“Austin…”

“What happened?”

“It wasn’t… he wasn’t…”

“He wasn’t what?”

“He wasn’t you, okay,” she forced out. “I got so used to being treated the way you treated me. Eric just never treated me that way.”

“That’s a shame,” Austin said, resting his chin on his hands on the top of the car. “Because I would have treated you like that forever.” He watched the tears spill over her lashes as she finally let it all go. “You know, I’ve never loved anyone other than you. You know that right?” She shook her head.

“Well you sure married the hell out of Jessica.”

“That had nothing to do with love.”

“Then why?” she asked, a steady stream of tears rolling down both of her cheeks.

“Because,” he sighed. “I’m a decent human being.”

"Ugh what does that even mean?!" she groaned. “So she just comes back and that’s it, we’re done?”

“Well,” he sighed, picking his head up and looking her right in the eyes. “I think we were done some time ago, don’t you?”

“Austin,”

He pulled open the driver’s side door and hesitated before he slid inside. “Take care, Taylor. No amount of talking is going to fix us.”

“Please don’t-” He cut her plead off by sliding into the car and shutting the door. He watched her face silently plead with him as he backed out of the driveway. He didn't think that he could ever forget that face. It would probably be the last thing he sees before he falls asleep each night, batting at his emotions.
But that was it. The end of an era. Again. Officially.

He was now, officially, a single man.