White Lies

Harry.

I was known as Britans Badboy. A player. Someone who slept with girls and never called them back. That was my reputation, the reputation I built for myself and the reputation I loved. I've been acting like this for so long now, I starting to get tired of this charade. I was getting to the point where I just wanted to meet a girl. To fall in love, settle down. Louis had it. Why couldn't I? Don't get me wrong I loved acting this way, it got me noticed, it got me A LOT of attention from the ladies. So much that I wasn't without a one stand for more than a couple of days. Girls seemed to be attracted more to a bad boy, which is why I invented all of this. The only thing the fans seemed to focus on was that lousy reputation. And that life suited me. What guy wouldn't love my life? Who wouldn't be jealous?

But it was all catching up on me, the hearts i'd broken, the tears people had shed over me and maybe it was just me being soft, or maybe i was just growing out of the lifestyle. I was praying it was the first one, but not everyone stays young forever. I don't know why I fight so hard to protect the reputation, it's all I know I guess. It was what I clinged too. I couldn't help it, I couldn't stop myself.

It made me devastated to see what I had become, I knew I had to break away from this lifestyle. But not yet. I could keep this charade for a little while longer.

***

Adalynn..

I guess everyone has fears. Some irrational. Some aren't. Mine. I'm afraid of commitment, afraid of trusting. I guess what really freaks me out is that someone can control your whole life, they can decide whether they break your heart or whether they leave it intact. They decide whether you sink or swim. They have your heart in there hands and that for me is too much to handle. That's why I act out, that's why I push everyone away. That's why whenever someone asks me out or asks me simply for a coffee I refuse and make up an excuse. People think I'm just hard to get, that I play the game and want to be chased. But truth is I'm scared. Scared out of my wits. Scared to love. And I just want to feel safe again, feel like I matter.

We live in a cruel world where sex triumphs over love, that's all anybody seems to aim for nowadays. They act like sex is all you need to be kept alive. I disagree, I want to find love, someone who cares about me. But it's impossible in this cruel hearted world. I see couples together and it hurts, It makes me crave love. The happiness they share is too much for me to handle. And i would kill for that. But then seeing my friends crying, because the guy they are in love with cheats, uses or abuses them makes me not want anything to do with them. And the fact that I've seen my friends in the state of depression they are in over a stupid guy makes me sick to the stomach. And I vowed that I would never fall prey to such monsters. I vowed I was going to be cleverer than that. I vowed I would never put myself in a position. And that was something I intended on keeping. And no one was going to change that.

***

Zayn.

Things change with fame. I'd always said to myself I wouldn't let fame get to my head and I always said that I wouldn't be one of those deceitful guys who played girls. When I was younger I had no faith in myself, no self esteem. I even almost backed out of the X Factor Audition. I was lucky and was thankfully convinced to give it a go. But when I met the guys things changed, they showed me that I could believe in myself and I will be eternally grateful for all the help and support they have given me.

I was the type of guy who had everything planned out, I wanted the perfect woman, I wanted a woman who didn't know she was beautiful so I had an excuse to tell her all the time. I wanted a woman who had sparkling eyes, who I could talk to day and night no matter what. But as my self esteem began to grow my morals began to shrink. I started doing many reckless things that I've learnt to regret, but I kept telling myself I would've tried things sooner or later. But many of those regrets became habits of mine. Habits I couldn't stop. The bitter taste of breaking the rules and going against society was too good to pass up. And the guy who wanted a good career and to fall in love with the perfect girl vanished.

I became a guy who slept around, who got drunk, who had no morals. I went into competition with Harry Styles, getting as many girls as I could regardless of what I thought about them. Yeah that's what fame does to you. That's the guy I am now and I don't see it changing anytime soon.