To Be Alone With You

I was at Josselyn’s house when she came home from newspaper club at her high school, the rival school to mine. I’d been waiting for Casey to discuss something, something exciting, something that I had been keeping to myself for a couple of days. It was only a matter of time until I could tell Josselyn, but I needed Casey’s help first. She was late, as usual, unable to be reached by her cell phone. When Josselyn came to the door, I stiffened in my kitchen chair, having been caught red-handed.

“John!” she exclaimed, a smile coming to her lips. “What are you doing here?”

“Um,” I mumbled awkwardly. “I was waiting for Casey. We have some things to talk about.”

The smile immediately faded, a dark cloudy color fading her eyes. “Casey?” Josselyn repeated incredulously, dropping her backpack down by the front door. “What do you have to talk about with Casey?”

“I can’t tell you,” I replied. “Not yet at least. I will though, I promise. You just need to be patient.”

I knew that nothing good could have come from that. Telling her would ruin the surprise, but keeping it from her sounded even worse.

“Do you realize what this sounds like? That you are spending time with Casey without me and then you can’t even tell me what’s going on? This isn’t right, John.”

“What are you talking about?” I replied bitterly, confused as to what she meant.

“You’re always spending time with Casey outside of me,” she replied angrily. “A lot of time between the two of you, actually. I’ve been trying to tell myself that it’s nothing, but this sure makes it seem that it isn’t nothing.”

“It is nothing!” I responded, standing up from my chair defensively. “There’s nothing going on between us. I can’t believe you would even think that. I just need to talk to her about something that I can’t tell you about just yet!”

“There shouldn’t be any secrets between us, John!” she countered, gesturing furiously in the space between the two of us.

“It’s not going to be a secret forever!” I protested. “It’s just something I need to talk to someone about before I go and tell you too.”

“Then go and talk to Pat or something! They can help you. Why does it have to be Casey?”

“It just does,” I muttered. “You’ll see. You’re being ridiculous.”

She was quiet for a moment, glowering, steaming, and allowing all the anger to boil inside her. “I don’t want to see you John O’Callaghan! Leave me alone for a while. I need to sort this out with Casey. She’ll tell me the truth.” She gathered her purse from the cabinet and went to the garage door, the hem of her skirt flaring out from her jerking movements.

“And don’t follow me.”

With that, she slammed the door behind her. I could hear the car humming through the door, the garage door opening, and her pulling out onto the street and driving away. Quietly, I sat with the letter from ASU in my hands. Casey and I had simply been planning the best way to tell Josselyn that I got in. We were going to throw a party for the both of us. But after our first fight, I wasn’t feeling much in a party mood at all.



“See, this is so nice!” Macy chirped as we sat at a booth at her favorite restaurant, Olive Garden. As I slid in across from her, I removed my Ray Bans and set them on the table, running a hand wearily through my hair. It had been non-stop time with Macy for the last several days, running me absolutely thin.

“Fantastic,” I murmured back, pulling up the menu in front of me and holding it to block the view of her face. I was exhausted, having spent the day shopping with her at the Marketplace, all her bags piled in the cab of my truck. It had been days since I’d seen my band mates, and only catching my other friends in passing. Macy had been absolutely demanding of my time, wanting every moment with me that she could get. It really was up to me to tell her that I needed time for myself, but it was next to impossible to get those words out.

It made me feel ashamed, but the way her full, cherry red lips parted right before she kissed me made my brain spin. The curves of her body were enough to send me into a frenzy, wanting nothing more than to take her home and rip all her clothes off and appreciate her body plain. She was a fantastic companion at the end of the night, rubbing my shoulders after we had finished; her soft red hair sprawled out across my chest as we slept.

It was impossible to say no to her when I knew my reward would come later in bed, or in the cab of my truck, or wherever we could find a place, really. Though I trudged through the rest of the day, I tried to convince myself that being alone was a hell of a lot worse than spending the day with Macy and not ending it with mind blowing sex. It wasn’t an easy task though, especially when she spent hours in Forever 21 trying on ever pair of jeans she found, asking me over and over if they made her ass look too big. Of course they made her ass look big, but that’s what I liked about her. But I wouldn’t dare say that, so I would always tell her they were fine, praying that we could finally leave.

“What do you think you’re going to have?” she asked cheerily, resting her chin daintily on her hand. “I’m thinking a salad.”

“We’ll get a salad with our meal though,” I protested, my eyes scanning the meal options. I was starving after chasing Macy at the mall all day. Pretty much anything with meat and carbs and lots of sauce sounded fantastic. “Can’t you find something else?”

“But I’m on a diet, John-O,” she countered as a little knit forming between her brows. “You saw how big my ass looked in those jeans. I could stand to lose a few pounds, we both know it!”
“At the end of the day, the dressing on that salad is going to have just as many calories as anything with pasta in it,” I muttered, but knew that it was no use. When Macy had a thought in her head, she was always going to stand by it.

Our waiter came by and brought us our drinks: me Cherry Coke and Macy water with a lemon wedge. I rolled my eyes a little at her, casting her a smile. “I don’t think you need to lose weight, Mace. You know I think you look great all the time.”

“Oh, you hush,” she twittered, squeezing the lemon juice into her drink, a little seed dropping from the pale yellow flesh. “It’s for the best! You know that exercise increases your libido?”

“Your libid-what?” I asked incredulously before bringing my straw to my lips.

“Your sex drive,” she said in a hushed tone, leaning into the table like it was some sort of big secret. I raised my eyebrows in response, nodding graciously. Whatever increased Macy’s sex drive was fine by me.

After our waiter took our order, I sat and listened to Macy talk about what she’d seen on the news recently. She was really into keeping up with current events at the time, paying attention very closely to situations overseas and even at home. Unfortunately, she didn’t always get her facts straight, so while she talked I found not everything was completely correct.

My thoughts trailed to my friends, wishing that I could see them. I knew that it was up to me to say no to Macy and just call up whomever I wanted to see, whether it was Eric or Austin or one of the guys, and they would definitely want to spend time with me. I needed that time with them, to play video games and watch football and eat In-N-Out. Even my band mates had been bothering me to come and practice, but I was always busy with Macy.

Just as my thoughts trailed to band practice, a familiar face walked through the front door. My eyes had wandered away from Macy to the rest of the restaurant when a certain tall, brown haired man with a patch of facial hair around his mouth. Kennedy. My face lit up upon seeing him, wanting to get up from the table straight away and go say hi.

“Ken!” I called out to him, interrupting Macy accidentally. I glanced over to her apologetically, but instead of grimacing at me, she grinned encouragingly.

“Go say hi!” she fortified, nodding happily. “I can wait.”

But just as I slid to the edge of the booth, Kennedy stepped away from the hostess and revealed something I wasn’t expecting to see. Josselyn.

My heart stopped in my chest, a feeling I wasn’t used to. Everything around me seemed to slow to a complete stop and fade away, leaving only the three of us in the restaurant. Josselyn was here. Josselyn was back in Tempe. Josselyn was back in Tempe, and with Kennedy.

He hadn’t heard me call out to him, instead laughing a little bit with Josselyn as they waited to be seated at a table. She looked a little less vibrant than usual, her eyes tired and lips curled in an odd way. But Kennedy didn’t seem to mind, his eyes not leaving her the entire time, talking incessantly at her with a giant smile on his face.

“What’s wrong?” Macy asked.

“It looks like he’s here with a date,” I muttered bitterly, my gaze still honed in on the pair by the door. “I don’t want to bother him or anything.”

“Oh!” Macy exclaimed. “That’s exciting. Do you think that’s her that he’s talking to?”

“Obviously,” I muttered impatiently, returning my attention to Macy.

“She’s beautiful,” she intoned, a bright smile on her face. “Good for Kennedy.”

I said nothing, my jaw steeling over in anger. What in the hell was Josselyn doing home? And more importantly, what was she doing with Kennedy? Every inch of my skin felt like it was on fire with fury, my lips pressed together in a tight line to keep from saying anything to Macy that I would regret. She didn’t know about Josselyn. She couldn’t know about Josselyn.

I was silent as Macy continued to babble on about a crisis in Syria, my fists clenched tight at my sides. What she possibly be doing home? She had made no mention of it when we were in New York with her, absolutely no hints were dropped that she would eventually be coming back to Tempe. And I hadn’t realized that she and Kennedy had been talking any more than they were that one night they danced at the bar. He must have been in contact with her without my knowing, which set my anger even deeper. He respected me more than to stay in contact with the girl who broke my heart. Or so I thought.

When our food arrived, I pushed my plate out of the way as Macy dug into her salad with hungry utensils. “Are you feeling okay John-O?” she asked sweetly, popping a large bite of leafy greens into her mouth.

“I lost my appetite,” I muttered. “All of a sudden I’m not feeling too well.”

She sat quiet for a moment, her eyes going between the salad and my plate of pasta. “Do you mind, then?” she asked, gesturing towards my pasta and taking a large bite before I could even respond. “To hell with this diet.”

She giggled and continued to eat, while my gaze turned out the window next to us. What was Josselyn doing home? What was Josselyn doing home? The thought rattled around in my brain, for the rest of the day, and as I went to sleep, having sent Macy home. That night I dreamed Kennedy kissed her that night at the bar, and when I woke up, I was even angrier than before.