Red.

“Harry, you are my home,” I whispered.

“No,” Harry said, shaking his head. “No, I am not your home, Kaylin. Your home is back in Tampa with your family.” I saw his flicker over to the digital clock on the microwave. “I have to go,” he told me, avoiding my gaze.

I didn’t cry or beg him to stay. I knew it was over and asking him to stay longer would only break me further. My eyes followed him as he made his way to exit the kitchen. He stopped at the archway and took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Goodbye, Kaylin.” Then he was gone.

My mind always brought me back to that night even though it’s been nearly seven months since then. There was always this dull ache in my heart and it never really went away. I didn’t hate Harry anymore like I had the day after the breakup, but I didn’t want to love him either. So I cut Harry out of my life as much as I could. I continued my friendships with the other four boys in the band, knowing I would be upset if I had lost my best friends. Eleanor never brought up Harry unless it involved the boys and even then she saw the pain it brought me when she mentioned his name.

I didn’t just only think about that night though. I thought about the many times we would just hold each other, tucked under a blanket, and watched re-runs of Harry’s favorite show Friends or my favorite movies. Or the many times we spent walking around the city just to get out of either of our flats.

The memory that seemed to haunt me the most though was the night in the cabin when I had given Harry all of me. When we had laid in the bed afterwards, clinging onto one another afraid of missing a second with each other before he left.

Harry’s fingertips brushed themselves through my waves and then twirled a piece of hair around his index finger. Our bodies were still moist with a thin layer of perspiration from what we had shared just moments ago. “Do you think we’ll make it through the next year?” I asked softly, drawing imaginary shapes onto his chest.

“Honestly?” He asked me and I nodded, looking up at him. “I would like to think so, but you know things happen. It might get rough sometimes, but I hope we make it through. But I’m also too selfish to let you go, I love you too much.”

I should have seen the sign that night. I should have known we wouldn’t last forever but he told me we would make it through so what made him become so selfless? I always wondered why he had let me go. I know he told me that I deserved a better relationship but I didn’t want a better relationship. I wanted our relationship; I thought our relationship was… Perfect, and I miss that.

I miss those green eyes that I would always get so lost in and I miss running my fingers through his soft, unruly curls. I miss his soft, delicate hands touching my body in ways no one else ever will be able to. I miss the way his plump pink lips felt on mine when we kissed. I miss the way he would always keep his arm around my waist or my hand in his, showing everyone that I was his and no one elses. I miss everything about him. I miss Harry.

Part of me spends time wishing I hadn’t cut Harry out of my life because he was my best friend and he did know everything about me. I still sometimes have the urge to call him after passing an exam or call him just to talk to him whenever I’m feeling sad. But the moment I pick up my phone and I scroll down to his name, I remember that we’re not friends anymore and I feel my heart break even more. It was my fault that we weren’t friends. He tried but I couldn’t hear his voice or see his face without crying and I didn’t want him to know that. So I ignored him, like I had no more interest in the boy but in reality, I am still absolutely one hundred percent in love with Harry and I didn’t want to be. But I couldn’t deny my feelings towards the boy. I love him and I will never be able to forget him or the love that we shared. It was unforgettable. Harry was unforgettable.
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Loving him was red.