Red.

Harry’s POV

Kaylin hated me.

And it was absolutely the most awful feeling in the world to have the one you love hate you.

I thought ending it with her was the best thing to do. I hadn’t been home for almost a year and I didn’t want to put her through the pain. I hated making her upset and I hated how I was always the reason for her not doing something like her homework or going to class. I didn’t want to hold her back anymore; she didn’t deserve it. She worked too hard to let it all slip through her fingers. It wasn’t fair for her to wait for me.

The second I had turned my back from her, I hesitated. I wanted to tell her “oh, I was just kidding, I could never leave you,” but I couldn’t. So I just said goodbye and walked out. On the walk to the car, I kept turning back to go to her flat but then I’d catch myself and turn back around. I had even stopped my driver three times before he had finally decided to ignore me the rest of the way to the airport.

When I arrived to Ireland, I hadn’t even taken a step inside of the hotel room when Louis started asking me questions.

”Harry, what happened? Eleanor called me and told me something happened between you and Kaylin. Did you two get in a fight? I thought you were staying the night over there.” Louis fired out at me with a pissed off face. I rubbed at my dry eyes, frustrated myself. I walked past him, ignoring all the questions that were being fired at me and laid my suitcase on the bed. “Harry? Tell me what happened.” I heard Louis demand. I unzipped my bag and dug around for some comfortable trousers to wear. “Harry,” he said a little softer this time.

“I broke up with her,” I muttered out, staring down at my suitcase, my movements stopping.

“What? Why, Harry? You were so happy with her…” I heard him say from behind me.

“It was for the best.”

I spent the last seven months pretending I was okay. I didn’t want to worry the lads, but they knew I was hurting. I had tried and tried to talk to Kaylin, just to tell her I was stupid and that I need her, but she would never answer me. I knew I needed to go back home and see her in person so I could get her to talk to me, but at the same time, I knew she wouldn’t want to see me.

I had taken her fragile heart in my hands, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it over and over again.

I heard from Eleanor every once in a while and every single time she would call, it seemed like we always had the same conversation, but at the same time, we didn’t. It felt that way because the only thing we would talk about was Kaylin. There was one night I had been sitting in the hotel room while the boys had gone out drinking and I called Eleanor.

”Hello?” A soft, melodic voice said through the speaker.

”Hey, El.”

“Oh, ‘ello, Harry,” she said. The line went silent, her soft breathing hitting the speaker softly.

“How is she?” I asked softly, playing with the hem of my shirt.

“She’s okay. She’s doing better today. She went out with a couple of friends today so it kept her mind off…” She stopped suddenly when she remembered she was talking to me.

“Kept her mind off of me. It’s okay, El. You can be honest with me. I’m just happy that she’s doing something to do that,” I told her quietly and I chewed on my bottom lip, feeling my heart aching slowly.

“She’s not okay, you know. She says she is, but I see it in her eyes, Har. She’s breaking each day she’s not with you. She would never tell this to you but she wished she were still friends with you. You’re the person she wants to talk to whenever something good or bad happens. She misses you, Harry.” I heard her soft voice say through the speaker. She said it slowly like she had wanted me to take in every single word. I felt my heart ripping as I thought over each word she had said to me. I let out the breath I had been holding and a tear fell from my eye.

“I miss her too, El, so much. I hate that I put her through all this pain, she didn’t deserve it.” My voice cracked a little, revealing to Eleanor that I was crying.

“I know you do, Harry.” She paused. “I have to go, I’m sorry. Good luck with the show tomorrow night.”

“Thanks, El. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Hazza.”

“Harry?” Liam’s voice tore me from my thoughts. I looked over at the boy sitting across the isle, next to me. “We’re about an hour out from London, might want to get your stuff all packed so we can get off this plane quickly,” he informed me. I nodded, getting up from my seat and reaching up to grab my bag.

My mind wondered back to Kaylin as I began shoving my things into the small duffel bag. Her blue eyes seemed to be the first thing I always thought of when she invaded my thoughts. They were always my favorite thing about her. She never understood why, claiming that they were dull and that they never seemed to be as pretty as Niall. I disagreed with her on that though. I thought they reminded me of the Caribbean waters, the bright blue color. Her eyes always lit up when she smiled. God, that smile. Every time I saw her smile, it always seemed to make my life worth living. Her smile always brought a smile to my lips and it made my heart race.

I took my seat back down next to the window, focusing on the leathered seat in front of me. The color of the seat reminded me of her fair skin and how silky it felt underneath my fingers. I remember the first time we had started getting intimate, the first night at the cabin. I remember how I had touched her stomach for the first time and it sent my heart racing in anticipation. Then the night I had actually gotten to fully touch her. I was in complete awe at how silky her skin felt against mine. To say that night was perfect was an understatement. That had been the first time I had truly made love to another women. I would never forget making love to Kaylin. It would be impossible to forget.

Liam had patted my shoulder, bringing me back. He was standing in the aisle with his bag hanging off his shoulder and his face had a pitiful look on it. I looked around and saw everyone was gathering his or her stuff. I grabbed my bag and followed Liam off of the plane with Louis right behind me. The moment we stepped out of the tunnel and into the terminal, Louis took off running to the baggage claim. I stayed in the back, watching the uninteresting tiling as I walked. I reached the baggage claim and waited patiently for my suitcase to come. I heard squealing and I turned to see Eleanor and Louis in a tight embrace. The other lads were surrounding someone, giving the person a hug. I saw Zayn embraced the person in a tight hug and that’s when her face popped up over his shoulder. I couldn’t see her blue eyes, they were looking down but her smile was soft as she whispered something in his ear.

Kaylin stepped away from Zayn and I saw what she wearing. Her sweater caught my eye first and I gulped loudly. It was the very same sweater from that night in the cabin. Her eyes flashed over to mine before a small blush appeared on her face. She was breathtakingly beautiful, even in her simple clothes. Her hair was the same brunette color it was before I left but it was much longer now and she even had bangs that hung over her blue eyes, hiding them.

We must’ve been staring at each other for too long because the other lads turned their heads to look at me. I saw Liam give me an apologetic look before turning to talk to Kaylin again. I licked my dry lips and turned my head away from them all, searching for my bag. When it appeared, I took it from the belt and made my way over to everyone else. I don’t remember seeing them get their suitcases but they already had them stacked up on the trolley Paul had fetched for us. I lifted the suitcase onto the other ones and I heard Kaylin’s silvery soft voice speak quietly to Eleanor. I couldn’t hear what she was saying but I didn’t care, hearing her voice was music to my ears and I never realized how much I had missed her voice.

We all made our way to the many black SUVs that would all take us back to our homes. I saw Louis climb into the very last one and made my way over. I climbed in sitting down in the back seat. I didn’t notice Kaylin had been sitting there until I heard her clear her throat softly. My head turned to her and my breathing hitched when I saw her blue eyes burning into mine. “Sorry, I’ll just go sit up front,” I muttered out dropping my eyes, beginning to climb out but a tiny soft hand touched my hand that was grabbing onto the back of the middle seat.

“It’s okay, I’m not going to murder you,” she teased with a small smile. My heart fluttered softly when I saw the smile on her face. It was a small one but I didn’t care. She was smiling at me.

“Okay,” I said simply and sat back down in the seat.

The whole ride back to the flat, I could not think straight. My mind was clouded with her sweet scent and it was almost impossible not to reach out and touch her smooth skin.

“Okay, here you are, lady.” I heard the driver said before climbing out to get the door. I hadn’t realized that we had already arrived at Eleanor and Kaylin’s flat. I was too engrossed in my thoughts about Kaylin. I watched Louis and Eleanor climb out and head their way into the complex. I stepped out of the SUV and turned around holding my hand for Kaylin to take. She looked uncertain as she stared at my hand but she placed her hand in mine anyway. I felt the familiar warmth flood through my body and left as quickly as it appeared.

I followed Kaylin inside and I couldn’t help but to let my eyes glance at her bum. She stopped at the elevator, pressing the up button harshly and she turned her body, making me tear my eyes from her bum. I felt my cheeks burn lightly when her eyes glanced at mine questioningly. I rubbed the back of my neck, looking away from her completely. The soft ding echoed around the small lobby when the elevator doors opened. I followed her onto the elevator standing towards the back.

Kaylin stood at the front of the elevator watching the numbers on the small screen change as each floor passed by slowly. When we arrived on her floor she walked quickly to her flat, opening the door and disappearing before I could even reach the door. When I stepped inside, I closed the door and made my way over to the couch taking a seat next to Louis. I heard loud whispering coming from the kitchen and then Eleanor’s voice apologizing over and over again. “I’m so sorry,” Eleanor pleaded after Kaylin, who was practically storming across the small flat. I flinched when her door slammed and looked over at Eleanor who gave me a sympathetic look. “She’s upset that I had left her behind with you…”

“I thought so,” I said, looking down at my lap. “I’m going to go talk to her.”

“Harry, I don’t think that’s a good idea. She’s upset,” Eleanor protested but I shook my head and made my way down the darkened hallway to the last door on the left.

I didn’t knock; I just stared at the white door. I would start to raise my fist to knock but then I would wuss out and let my hand fall to my side. I did this at least three times before the door opened and Kaylin appeared with a confused and surprised look. “How long have you been standing there?” She asked, looking up at me.

“Not long…” I lied smoothly, shoving my trembling hands into my pockets.

“Uh huh…” She dragged out, looking at me with narrowed eyes like she didn’t believe me. She always told me I was a horrid liar.

“Erm, uh. Can we talk?” I stumbled over my words as I spoke. She hesitated before nodding and turned, walking deeper into her room. I stepped in and closed the door behind me then took a seat on the edge of the bed closest to her. She sat down in the desk chair, rotating it to face me. We stared at each other for what seemed like ages. She ripped her eyes from mine, looking down at her hands in her lap.

“What did you want to talk about?” Her soft voice asked. I didn’t say anything for a minute and her eyes lifted up to mine as she waited patiently for me to say something.

“I, um… I just wanted to see how you were doing…” I said, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand nervously.

“I’ve been better.” I felt like those words had slapped me across the face. I’ve been better. Those words echoed in my brain repeatedly. She’s still hurting and I was proven correct when I looked into her eyes and saw the pain that was showing through. I had done this to her and she didn’t deserve any of it. She deserved to be happy but I had taken that from her and it tore me apart.

“I’m so sorry,” I blurted out. She looked taken back, surprised that those words have fallen from my lips. “I miss you, Kaylin. I was stupid and I knew that the moment I left you that night. I shou-“

“Then why didn’t you come back?” She interrupted.

“I did.” She looked at me confused. “I can’t tell you how many times I turned back around that night, but something had stopped me every time. I wanted to so badly burst through the door and apologize over and over again for hurting you like that, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to turn back and look at your hurt face.” I paused for a moment. “I talked to Eleanor about you, you know. I would call her just to find out if you were okay or not.”

“I was never okay,” she told me quietly.

“I know and I’m sorry. I know sorry won’t fix everything between us but I do want you to know that I do love you and I always will, Kaylin.” I noticed her eyes twinkling a little in the light and watched as a tear fell down her cheek. She wiped it away with the back of her hand and sighed.

“You should go, Harry.” I didn’t protest because I knew if I did, it would only make matters worse. I nodded and made my way out of her room. When I reached the door, I turned and saw her still staring at the spot I was just previously in.

“Kay?” I called her name softly. She turned her head to face me and let out a quiet ‘hmm’. “I am sorry and I hope you believe that I do love you.” When she didn’t make any movements or sounds, I turned walking out. I walked past a questioning Louis to the front door.

It killed me to walk out of the flat, knowing the girl I love was crumbling to pieces in her bedroom. I desperately wanted to go back in there and just hold her like I had back when she would be upset about missing her family.

It killed me to know I had shattered Kaylin’s heart and I knew now that more than ever, I wanted to pick up the tiny pieces and glue them back together.

I will do anything to mend her heart again, no matter what it takes.