Put a Smile on Your Face

P.E. class was the least effective lesson of my week. It wasn't that I disliked sports, even though I didn't really like them, but it was because of who was in the class. Gordon wasn't particularly sporty either, but seeing him in a polo shirt and shorts was one of the most distracting views I have ever come across. Whenever I see him in the lesson, I go off into my own imagination and start thinking about photos I could take of him. I definitely would take several of him in his P.E kit, but I'd also like to have a chance to photograph him in his uniform, or jeans and a button-up, or maybe even a suit. I'd imagine he'd look pretty good in a suit. He has broad shoulders and I think he'd fill it out pretty nicely. His hair was always scruffy and I would love to be able run my fingers through it as I styled it how I wanted for the shot.

I didn't have the impression that Gordon tried that hard at school. He seemed to spend most of his time in the common room with his girlfriend of the moment. Whenever I saw a girl sitting in his lap or running her fingers through his hair or kissing him, a rush of jealousy would hit me like a bus. Sure, I had no claim to him whatsoever, and he was obviously straight. The line of girls and rumours of his constant stream of one-night stands were a clear indication. But still...despite all the evidence that Gordon was straight, I continued to fantasize about him.

We were in the same form but I don't even think he knew my name. We didn't exactly run in the same circles. He wore black and smoked at every opportunity. I wore as many colours as possible and spent all my free time in the photography department. Chance always tells me that we would complete each other - I'm happy, colourful and always smiling so I make up for Gordon's miserable persona. But I'm not convinced that Gordon isn't a happy person. He just hasn't had the opportunity to be truly yet. If he's sleeping with girl after girl, clearly he's searching for something that he hasn't found yet. Maybe that something is me...

--

At lunch, I take the opportunity to take photographs of people behaving naturally. I enjoy taking both 'staged' photos and 'natural' photos, but have always found that the natural photos are much more revealing. People don't have a chance to mask their facial expression because they aren't aware of a photo being taken. And people's natural expressions are much more open than when they're placed in front of a lens and told to say 'cheese'.

Spotting Gordon across the small patch of grass, I bring my camera up to my eye and snap several pictures. Gordon is definitely my favourite person to take photos of. Though I don't know what he'd think if he found out. I like to think he'd be flattered, but he might be freaked out... I lowered my camera again but continued to watch him. He'd been on his own when I took a photo, but his current girlfriend soon joined him and took his hand. A flash of something entered his expression and I immediately brought the camera up to my eye and hoped to capture it so I could analyse the emotion later. If there was one person whose head I wished I could get into, it would be Gordon’s.

Later that night, I uploaded the photos onto my computer. The best ones, I edited and posted on my website that I had set up almost a year ago. Not many people bought my photos, but I knew eventually, my business would take off. Most of the time I stuck with digital photography, because it was cheaper and quicker, but I did sometimes go for the old fashioned photography that required film and a dark room. I immediately went to the photos I’d taken of Gordon and stared at his face. I skipped from the photo I’d taken of him on his own to the one of him with his girlfriend and frowned at the change of expression on his face. If anything, he seemed irritated that his girlfriend had joined him. I so desperately wanted to know why. I saved the photos and then got started on my homework.

--

“What’s got you thinking so hard?” Chance asked. I turned my attention away from Gordon, who was sitting the other side of the room, and onto my best friend.
“Do you ever think that people aren’t what you think they are?” I asked him and he frowned.
“Not really,” he shrugged, looking at his hands in his lap. Honestly, that was the response I had expected from Chance. He didn’t think highly of people in general, and I didn’t really blame him. Not many people had ever given him much of a reason to think highly of them.
“I mean, what if someone acts a certain way as a…mask?” I asked him, turning to look back at Gordon. My stomach lurched when I realised he was already staring at me. I stared back for a long, intense moment, before he turned his attention back to the girl sitting half on his lap. “What if someone acts one way because they don’t want people to realise they actually want to act differently?”
“Is this about Gordon again?” Chance asked and I blushed. I may have had a bit of an obsession with him for several months and I hadn’t held back from telling Chance about it.
“Maybe,” I muttered and Chance shrugged.
“What if,” he said, “someone acts a certain way just because that is who they are? Stop trying to make excuses for his behaviour, Thom.” I frowned and looked down at the book in my hands that I hadn’t read a single word of. “Not everyone is as good as you think they are. Some guys are just arseholes who sleep around without any concern for people’s feelings.” I frowned but didn’t argue. Chance was probably right. I didn’t have any evidence that Gordon was hiding anything.

When I got home I went on my computer and found all the photos I’d taken of Gordon. There was a fair few. I spent over an hour or so analysing them, going over his expression when he was on his own, when he was in a group, when he was with a girl. I couldn’t help but notice that he always seemed happier and more relaxed when he was on his own.

--

Halfway through the school year, my maths teacher told us we’d have a new student in our class. A moment later, Gordon walked through the door. He’d been moved up a group. I felt my palms get slightly clammy when I realised the only empty seat was beside me. Mrs MacGuire indicated that Gordon sit in the seat next to me. I moved my books out of the way for him to sit down. He didn’t look at me, or even really acknowledge me, but that was okay because he was right there. I could have touched him if I wanted. Of course, it would probably weird him out if I did that, but I could if I wanted to.

Gradually, over the course of a few weeks, he started speaking to me. At first, it was a vague greeting when he entered the room and a vague goodbye at the end of class. And then he started asking how I was and how my day had been. And then he started telling me about his day, about his week, about his life outside school. I learnt that he had 4 younger sisters who he clearly cared about more than anything. My heart melted as he talked about his youngest sister, Katie, who was 5 and he beamed. He asked me about my home life, whether I had any siblings. When I told him I didn’t, he seemed upset for me. “You’ll have to come over to mine at some point,” he said to my surprise. “You can meet my sisters.” I just smiled and nodded in a daze. I mean, what do I say to that?! Of course, for all I knew, he was just saying something that he had no intention on following through. But still, the fact that he’d even thought it was just…amazing.

When exams rolled around, I could tell that Gordon was anxious. It was our GCSEs afterall, and maths was particularly important – a lot of universities want students to have a minimum of a C at GCSE. “I’m sure you’ll be fine,” I smiled, resting my hand on his shoulder. Gordon didn’t reply. “How about we revise together?” I suggested. He looked up at me then, his eyes wide.
“Really?” he asked with a smile. “Yeah, that would be good. My other friends aren’t really bothered about the exams. None of them are really bothered about going to university.”
“Are you?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound as surprised as I felt.
“Yeah,” he said, glancing at me as though he picked up on my surprise. “I want to do teaching.” My eyes widened and I smiled.
“Teaching?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he muttered, suddenly embarrassed. “Don’t tell anyone, though, no one knows that.” I smiled and nodded. The number of times he’d said that to me over the last few months was astonishing. At first I was incredibly flattered that he’d told me something that he didn’t want any of his friends to know, but then I just grew curious. I wanted to know more about this other side of Gordon that he clearly hid from everyone. Except me, it seemed. “So, do you maybe want to come over to mine to revise?” he asked and I nodded.
“Yeah,” I smiled. “That sounds good.”
“Cool, um, can I have your number?” he asked, holding out his phone. “Then I can text you my address and stuff.”
“Oh, yeah,” I smiled, taking his phone and entering my name and number.
“Thanks,” he smiled as I handed it back to him.
“’Kay, so, text me,” I smiled. I could feel my cheeks turning slightly red. Gordon just smiled down at me, gazing into my eyes. I swallowed a bit my lip but then Gordon quickly turned away.
“Yeah,” he muttered before grabbing his bag and leaving the room. I sighed and lowered my head and picked up my bag, too.

At lunch, Chance and I sat at our normal table. “I really think there’s something about Gordon,” I said, glancing across the canteen towards Gordon. He was already looking at me and I couldn’t help but smile at him. He smiled back before turning away.
“I dunno,” Chance said with a shrug. “Even if there is, he hides behind obscene behaviour.” He nodded his head towards Gordon and I looked back over to see a random girl suddenly sitting on his lap, kissing him ferociously. I watched them for a second before standing and leaving the room. Chance called after me but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t be in the same room as the guy liked more than anything while he made out with some slut.

I went outside and sat on the wall and took several deep breaths of fresh air. A moment later, my phone vibrated in my pocket. You okay? –Gordon. I glared at my phone and didn’t reply. Obviously I wasn’t okay. And he knew that. I just didn’t know what to think. When he was with me he was nice and funny and gentle. And when he was with his friends…he turned into a guy I really disliked. My phone vibrated again. Where are you? It was from him again. I didn’t reply.

I rested my head in my hands and sighed. Why did I think he might like me? He obviously didn’t. The fact that he told me stuff he didn’t tell other people meant nothing. He just needed someone outside his social circle to talk to. I clearly meant next to nothing to him.

“Hey,” a voice said behind me and I tensed but didn’t raise my head. I felt him move to sit beside me. He pulled his cigarettes from his pocket and lit up. “You okay?” he asked, nudging my shoulder with his as he exhaled away from me.
“Do I look okay?” I mumbled. I felt so utterly pathetic. The fact that I’d let him get me like this was just…humiliating. He was straight, I knew better than to let him upset me like this…but it still happened. “I just thought…” I trailed off and shook my head. “You know what, it doesn’t even matter.” I raised my head and stood up from the wall. “Don’t worry about me,” I said, looking down into his sad face.
“Thom,” Gordon said as he grasped my hand in his. My eyes widened as I looked down at him. He quickly realised what he’d done and took his hand away, glancing over his shoulder towards the school doors. “Can you, um, come over to mine after school? We need to talk and…I can't talk here.” I wanted to say no, that I couldn’t forgive him for just making out with a girl right in front of me. But I so desperately wanted to be able to talk to him.
“Okay,” I nodded.
“Great,” he grinned, relief evident in his expression. I wished I could take a photo but I knew that would be strange. “Um, I usually walk home if you want to walk with me?”
“Yeah,” I nodded again and he smiled.
“Cool,” he smiled. “Um, I’ll meet you out here at the end of the day?” I just nodded again and Gordon smiled. The bell rang a moment later, signalling the end of lunch.

The afternoon lessons passed torturously slowly, but the clock eventually reached 4 o’clock and everyone left the building. I found Gordon outside with a couple of friends and bit my lip. I wasn’t sure whether I should wait for his friends to leave or if I should go over to him. I decided to slowly approach them but I started to regret it when Gordon’s friends stared at me judgementally as I got closer. Gordon turned to see what they were staring at and his eyes widened when he saw me. “Um, Thom’s helping me with my maths work,” he told his friends. I wanted to frown in confusion at why he’d lied, but I kept my expression neutral.
“Whatever,” one of his friends said before they all walked off. Gordon turned to me.
“Ready to go?” he asked and I nodded.

The walk to Gordon’s house took about 25 minutes. I would never get to school on time in the morning if I had to walk this far. I had enough trouble getting out of the house in time for the bus… “Will you family be home?” I asked him and he shook his head.
“My parents are at work,” he said. “Katie’s at a babysitter, Sophie and Michelle do dance lessons and Beth goes to an English tutor.” I nodded, suddenly kind of anxious that we’d be on our own.

His home was pretty big, but then it would have to be for 5 children. “Do you all have your own rooms?” I asked as we walked through the front door.
“All of us except Sophie and Michelle,” he said. “They’re twins.” I nodded. “My room’s in the basement, so I have a bit of escape from all the girls.” I laughed and nodded before following him to the door and walking down into his room. It was pretty messy, with shoes, clothes, towels and just clutter everywhere. His bed was unmade. I watched as his cheeks turned slightly pink as he quickly straightened the duvet and threw all the clothes into the wardrobe. “Sorry,” he muttered. “I, um, wasn’t expecting anyone…”
“It’s okay,” I smiled, sitting down on the bed. Gordon then sat beside me and bit his lip. “So…you wanted to talk?”
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to say all afternoon…and I still don’t really know what to say.” I reached over and tentatively placed my hand on his.
“You can tell me, Gordon,” I said softly. “You tell me pretty much everything else anyway, right?”
“Yeah,” he laughed, turning to look at me. I smiled at him and before I knew what was happening, Gordon’s lips were on mine. I gasped but didn’t pull away – if anything, I kissed him back. I raised my hand and placed it on his neck as I pressed myself closer to him. For so long I’d imagined what this would be like, I’d fantasized about kissing Gordon for longer than I could remember. And now it was finally happening. I’d never been kissed before, but even I knew that this was a mind-blowing kiss. I pulled back when I needed air, but kept close to him, my forehead pressed against him.
“Wow,” I whispered.
“I’m gay,” he told me and I nodded. “But the people I hang out with at school…they would never accept me. I get with all those girls just…to make sure they don’t figure it out. I didn’t mean to hurt you, Thom.” I smiled and nodded.
“I know,” I whispered as I moved to straddle his lap. “I know.” I pressed my lips back against his and slowly pushed him back onto the bed as our kiss deepened. Gordon’s hands were all over my body at once. Then they were beneath my shirt, teasing my skin and making me whimper and writhe against him. “Gordon,” I whispered, arching my back to press myself closer to him. Gordon moaned and rolled us over so he was hovering above me. He kissed me once again and then moved to kiss my neck and the tender spot between my throat and collar bone. I could feel him sucking at the skin and I knew it would leave a mark but I didn’t care. I wanted Gordon to mark me, for people to know that I was his.

I pulled at his clothes, needing to feel his skin against mine. He pulled back for a moment to pull his shirt off. I gaze at his chest and ran my hands up and down the smooth skin. I wrapped my arms back around him and pulled me back down on top of me. His lips found mine once again as he started to unbutton my shirt. When our bare chests touched, I couldn’t help but gasp. I wrapped my legs around his hips, never wanting to let go.

After a long while, Gordon pulled back and focused his attention on unbuttoning and unzipping my trousers. “Gordon,” I whispered, suddenly nervous. “I’ve never…done anything like this before. I mean, I-“
“Shh,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to my lips. “I’ll take care of you, I promise.” I smiled and nodded. He pulled back again and quickly got rid of my trousers, with my kicking my shoes off at the same time. Gordon quickly removed his own trousers. And then he lay over me once again, both of us only in our boxer briefs. Our hips pressed together, creating the most delicious friction. Gordon started kissing my neck again as his hands moved to my underwear and started pushing them down. I raised my hips to help him.

--

Lying curled in Gordon’s warm embrace was the most amazing feeling. I smiled and squeezed his fingers that were intertwined with mine. Gordon pressed kisses to the back of my neck and I smiled and sighed in content. Sure, this had all happened a bit quicker than I had imagined in my many day dreams, but it had been amazing. I rolled over to face him and smiled as I met his tender gaze. I leant forward and pressed my lips to his before reaching for my bag at the end of the bed and finding my camera. I lay back down next to him and Gordon pulled me back into his chest. I held my camera out and took a quick picture of us as I was spooned into his chest and he kissed me gently. I turned around again and moved to straddle his hips. I felt my cheeks turning a light shade of red at the fact that we were both still naked, but when I leant down to kiss him, I decided it really did matter. I quickly took a photo from the side as well before I set the camera down on his bedside table. Gordon wrapped his arms around me once again and ran his fingers up and down my arm. “You’re so soft,” he whispered and I smiled gently. He pressed another kiss to my neck before sighing and sitting up.

I frowned at the loss of his body behind me. “You should probably go before my family get home,” he said and I blinked.
“What?” I asked with a frown. Gordon turned to me, clearly confused by my question.
“They can't see you, Thom,” he said. “No one can know I’m gay.”
“So…we’re just going to sneak around?” I asked, not liking that idea at all.
“No, of course not,” he said and I smiled slightly. “Those types of secret relationships never work. We just…we’re not anything.” I stared at him for a moment, sure I’d misheard.
“What?” I whispered, though I already knew what he was saying.
“I can't actually be with you, Thom,” he said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. I suddenly felt sick. I quickly pulled on my underwear, trousers and shirt and grabbed my bag and camera. “Thom,” Gordon said, but I didn’t stick around for him to say anything more. I ran up the stairs and out of the house. Tears were pricking in my eyes, but I refused to cry in public.

Once I was a good distance from Gordon’s house, I slowed to a walk and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I quickly called Chance. “Hey,” he said as he answered the phone.
“Chance,” I cried, not able to keep my emotions reigned in.
“Thom, what’s wrong!?” he asked, clearly concerned.
“Can I come round?” I asked him, just needing my best friend.
“Of course,” he said.
“Thanks,” I whispered before hanging up.

I headed over to Chance’s house, which wasn’t too far away, and knocked on the door. Chance opened it immediately and took me into a hug. I instantly broke down and started crying. Chance pulled me inside and we went into the living room. I was immensely grateful that his grandparents weren’t home. “Thom, what happened?” he asked, brushing my hair back from my face.
“You were right,” I whispered, as I curled up on the sofa.
“What?” he asked in confusion.
“You said some guys are just arseholes,” I whispered, my voice shaking, “who sleep around without any concern for people’s feelings.” I started crying more and squeezed my eyes shut. “I feel so…used. I’m such an idiot. I thought he actually…cared for me. I thought he wanted to be with me.”
“Oh, Thom,” Chance whispered as he wrapped his arms around me. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why did I have to convince myself that there was more to him? You were right, there’s nothing hiding behind his actions, he’s just…a bad person,” I whispered, leaning into him. “He told me he’s gay…and I thought that that meant he wanted me. I guess he did…just not in the same way I wanted him. I would have got used to it if we’d had to have been a secret. But…he just told me to leave.” Chance just held me, clearly at a loss as to how to help. But that was okay, I wasn’t sure what he could have said that would have made me feel better anyway. “I’d always thought that…my first time would be special,” I whispered after several long minutes. “And I thought…at the time…that it had been. But now I’m one of those people who I hate, someone who slept with someone I didn’t really know just…because.”
“I don’t think you’re one of those people,” Chance said softly, running his fingers through my hair.
“Thanks,” I muttered, “but I am.”
“No,” he said again. “You were with someone who you cared about, maybe even loved. I think that’s completely different than people who just sleep with someone because they’re drunk or if they just meet some random guy and jump into bed with him. Even though it wasn’t what you were hoping, your first time was with someone who you cared about. And I think that’s something.” I didn’t respond for a moment, just stared at the pattern on the sofa. Chance was right. I had cared about Gordon, I had loved him.
“Why did it have to be him?” I whispered, letting my head fall onto Chance’s shoulder.
“You can't always help who you fall for,” he said and I nodded.

About half an hour later, I finally pulled away from Chance. “I better get home, my parents are going to start wondering where I am,” I said, wiping my eyes. Chance smiled and nodded, hugging me tightly one last time.
“Phone me if you need to talk, okay?” he asked and I nodded.
“Yeah,” I smiled, standing up. “Thanks.”
“Anytime,” he smiled, walking to the front door with me. I said goodbye and then headed home.

--

The following morning, I did not want to go to school. But I had to. My GCSEs were only round the corner and I couldn’t risk taking a day or two off. I went to see Mrs MacGuire and asked her if I could change seats. “Why?” she asked and I grimaced. I didn’t want to go into detail, obviously.
“Um, Gordon and I…we had a pretty major argument and…I don’t really want to face him just yet,” I told her. “I just want to be able to focus on my exams.” She nodded slowly, nothing but concern on her features.
“Okay, I’ll shuffle everyone around,” she smiled at me. “No one will get suspicious, don’t worry.”
“Thank you,” I smiled. She just nodded.

I was a bundle of nerves for the whole morning. I didn’t know what was going to happen when I saw Gordon. At lunch, Chance and I sat at our usual table and Gordon was at his. I felt my heart twist in my chest when his eyes met mine and I quickly looked away. “I don’t think I can stay in here,” I whispered to Chance. He reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze. I looked up again and saw a random girl sitting on Gordon’s lap. They weren’t making out, at least, but they were all laughing. “How can he be so happy?” I whispered. “It’s like he has no heart…” Chance glanced over his shoulder to look and frowned.
“Maybe he just very good at hiding behind this act,” he said and I rolled my eyes.
“You said he didn’t have an act, it’s just who he is,” I said. “You were right.” I watched Gordon for a moment more before standing up. “I’m not hungry.”

I walked through the empty corridors towards my locker and threw my books inside. “Hey,” a voice said behind me and I tensed. I closed my locker and turned to see Gordon standing there, clearly uncomfortable. I didn’t say anything. “Um, I was just wondering…could you delete those photos you took last night?” he asked. I just continued to stare at him. “I mean, I don’t want anyone seeing them.” I could feel myself starting to get worked up but instead of break down in front of him, I just turned and walked away. “Wait,” he said, grabbing my wrist. I jerked out of his grasp.
“Don’t,” I snapped. “Don’t touch me. Ever again.” Gordon’s lips parted for him to speak but no words left his lips. I turned and continued walking away, desperately trying to keep it together.

I was purposefully late to maths but I knew Mrs MacGuire wouldn’t mind. When I got there, she’d shuffled her seating plan around. “Ah, Thomas, you’re next to Abigail,” she said, indicating the blond girl at the front of the class. I just smiled and nodded. I glanced to the back of the room to Gordon, who was staring at me intently, like he knew that I’d asked Mrs MacGuire to do this. I kept my face neutral and practically ran out of the class at the end of the day as soon as the bell went in order to avoid him.

As soon as I got home, I went on my computer and uploaded the two photos I’d taken of us in bed. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I looked at them. I was happy. And I’d taken enough photos of Gordon over the last year or so to be able to read his expression pretty well – he was happy too.

For the following few hours, I worked on the photos, adjusting the light, the focus, the sharpness, making them perfect. I then printed them off and put them in an envelope along with a note, I hate you for how you treated me and I hate myself for letting you. I hope you’re happy now.

I looked at the time and saw it was just before 8 o’clock. I quickly pulled my shoes on, grabbed my keys. I told my parents I’d be back soon and then headed out the door. I walked over to Gordon’s house before I lost my nerve. I rang the bell, clutching the envelope in my hand and waited. A minute later, the door opened and I looked down and realised that a young girl had opened the door. “Hi,” I smiled. “You must be Katie, right?” The girl nodded. “I’m Thom, I’m a…friend of Gordon’s.”
“He is in his bedroom,” she said and I nodded.
“That’s okay,” I smiled. “Can you give him this, please?” I held out the envelope to her and she took it in her small hands.
“Okay,” she nodded and I smiled and nodded.
“Thanks,” I said quietly before turning and walking away. I heard the front door shut behind me and I took a deep breath before I walked the rest of the way home.

That night, my phone vibrated and woke me up. I looked at the time and saw it was 2.30. I groaned and picked up my phone and saw I had a message from Gordon. I opened it hesitantly. I’m not happy, not even close. I gritted my teeth but didn’t reply. I rolled back over but couldn’t go back to sleep. Tears trickled down my cheeks and after a few hours, I finally got back to sleep.

--

The following morning, when I got to school, I frowned as I realised that people were staring at me. I self-consciously tugged at my clothing but continued walking to my locker. People were definitely whispering about me and it was starting to make me feel extremely uneasy. I was about to take my phone out to text Chance, when Gordon suddenly appeared in front of me. I stayed quiet, unsure about what was going to happen. I wasn’t quite sure how he’d reacted to the photos and I didn’t want to make things even worse. “I need to show you something,” he said.
“Um,” I said, looking around me anxiously. “Okay.” Gordon turned and motioned for me to follow. We walked through the corridors until we reached his locker. I frowned and looked at him. “What’s going on?” I asked. He just smiled slightly and opened his locker. The breath left my lungs when I saw the photo hanging on the inside of his locker. It was one of the photos I’d taken, the one where he was curled up behind me, kissing my neck. I turned to look up at Gordon, to find his intense gaze locked on me already. I swallowed nervously. “What…What does that mean?” I whispered.
“It means,” he said, “that this photo is my favourite. The other one is in a frame on my desk at home.” I stared at him and shook my head, waiting for further explanation. “It means,” he whispered, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around me, “that I need you, Thom. You make me happy.” My heart melted slightly hearing those words. But that wasn’t enough. I pushed him away and frowned.
“You think that’s enough?” I asked him. “After…what you said? You can't just put a picture up and tell me you need me and assume that everything will be okay.”
“I know,” he nodded. “I know I need to work every single day to make up for what I did, for what I said. You don’t understand how much I regret it. I’m so sorry, Thom. Please believe me when I say I never meant to hurt you. I was just…so freaking terrified. And I panicked and…I know I don’t deserve it, but it would mean the world to me if you could give me another chance.”
“I…I don’t know if I should,” I whispered.
“I understand,” he nodded. “I do. I really hurt you, I know. But I love you, Thom. And I will do absolutely anything to convince you of that.” I stared at him.
“What about your friends?” I whispered. “I thought you said…”
“I’ll find new friends,” he shrugged. “If they don’t accept me, if they don’t accept us, then I don’t want them as my friends.” I bit my lip nervously. Only then did I realise that a fair crowd had formed around us. Gordon reached forward and took my hands in his. “Please, Thom. I do want to be with you. You’re my everything. You have been for the longest time.” Tears pricked in my eyes and I blinked them back. I gazed up into his eyes and nodded slowly. Gordon slowly closed the gap between us and took me into his arms in a tight hug. I rested my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist. “I love you, Thom,” he whispered. “I promise I will do whatever it takes to make this up to you. I want to be with you, Thom, for the rest of my life.” I closed my eyes tight as my emotions grew too much and a sob escaped from my lips. Gordon just held me tighter.

Gordon sat with Chance and I at lunch. I’d never been so happy in my life. Gordon’s friends had clearly heard that he and I were together. A few of them sneered at us, a couple called us queers (along with other names) and others didn’t really care. But Gordon still wanted to sit with us. Chance was clearly not so convinced that Gordon could be trusted. “How do you know he’s not just using you?” Chance asked me while glaring at Gordon.
“Chance!” I said but he didn’t stop glaring.
“It’s okay,” Gordon said to me before turning to Chance. “I know what I did was…horrible.”
“It was disgusting,” Chance corrected him. I didn’t know where he’d got his nerve from, but this was a side of Chance I’d never seen before.
“I know,” Gordon nodded. “And I’m so ashamed that I treated Thom like that. I love him and I’m going to do whatever I can to convince him that I’m actually not a bad guy. I’m the only guy in a family of 5 kids…how was I supposed to tell my parents that I’m gay? I’m meant to be the man…” I frowned and took Gordon’s hand under the table. “But I’m not going to lose Thom. I can get through anything if he’s by my side.” I smiled gently and leant against his shoulder.
“So have you come out to your parents?” Chance asked and I felt Gordon tense slightly.
“Not yet,” he said. “I was going to do it tonight, when I get back from school.” He turned to look at me. “Will you be there with me?”
“Really?” I asked and he nodded.
“I need you,” he said gently. I smiled and nodded.
“Sure,” I said and Gordon smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

--

After school, Gordon and I walked back to his house. This time, we walked hand in hand. I couldn’t help but smile to myself as we walked. “You know, you, um, don’t have to come out to your parents if you’re not ready,” I told him. Gordon pulled me to a stop.
“I wasn’t ready,” he said. “Until I saw this.” He pulled out his phone and showed me the screen. The photo that was in his locker was also his background. “As soon as I saw it, I just knew. I knew I had to be with you, I knew I had to come out. I hadn’t even realised until I saw it, but I have never been happier than I was at this moment,” he said, looking at the picture. “And that was because of you. You make me happy, Thom. And I want to try and make you just as happy.”
“You do,” I assured him. He smiled softly and squeezed my hand.
“I don’t want to keep you secret,” he said. “I want to come out.”
“Okay,” I nodded.

No one was home when we got back to his house. We went into the living room and Gordon turned the television on. We sat close beside one another as we watched Friends reruns for an hour and a half until the front door opened. My stomach jumped and Gordon squeezed my hand as he stood. Two girls came into the room, followed by a third who was a couple of years older. “Hey,” Gordon smiled. “Um this is Thom, Thom these are my sisters. Sophie, Michelle and Beth.”
“Hi,” I smiled. They all smiled and said hi back before sitting down on the sofa where we’d been sitting. Gordon frowned and rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything. I sat in one of the armchairs and Gordon sat on the arm beside me. If his sisters thought it was weird that he hadn’t sat in one of the other armchairs, none of them said anything.

About half an hour later, the front door opened again. This time, I knew something important was going to happen. Gordon and I stood up. Gordon’s youngest sister Katie ran into the room and sat on the floor in front of the sofa that was occupied by her sisters.
“That’s Katie,” Gordon told me and I nodded.
“Yeah, I met her yesterday day,” I smiled. “She was the one who took the envelope.”
“Right,” he smiled. And then a middle aged couple entered the room. With it only ever being just me and my parents, having so many people in the room felt incredibly claustrophobic, but at the same time, cosy. “Mum, dad, this is Thom,” Gordon said to his parents.
“Hello,” I smiled shyly.
“Hello,” Gordon’s dad smiled.
“It’s nice to meet you, we never meet any of Gordon’s friends,” Gordon’s mum smiled. I glanced up at him and saw his cheeks had turned slightly pink.
“Um, there’s something I need to tell you,” Gordon said and I bit my lip.
“What is it?” Gordon’s mum asked.
“Um, well, I don’t really know how to say this but…um, Thom isn't…just a friend,” he said. I so desperately wanted to take his hand to reassure him. “He’s um, more than that.”
“Oh?” Gordon’s mum said with a gentle frown. I noticed that the television had been muted, though I’m not sure who by.
“Yeah, um,” Gordon said, biting his lip. “I love him. I’m gay.”

There was a tense silence when no one said anything. I took the opportunity to slip my hand into Gordon’s. He squeezed tight. “Oh,” his mum said slowly.
“What does that mean?” Katie said from beside me. I turned to Gordon, who grimaced slightly before crouching down.
“It means that I like boys instead of girls,” he said.
“Is that bad?” she asked. I glanced at Gordon’s parents, who were both focused on their youngest daughter.
“No, it’s not bad, honey,” Gordon’s mum said. Gordon stood up and looked at his parents.
“Really?” he whispered.
“Of course, Gordon,” his mum said, moving to hug him.
“We love you no matter what, son,” his dad said, resting his hand on Gordon’s shoulder. “You should know that.” Gordon smiled and hugged them both tightly.
“So, are you Gordon’s boyfriend?” one of the twins, possibly Sophie but I’m not too sure, asked.
“Oh, we haven’t-“ Gordon started before I interrupted.
“Yeah,” I smiled. “I am.” I looked over at Gordon who was smiling tenderly. Gordon’s mum then surprised me by suddenly taking me into hug. She pulled back and smiled at me but didn’t say anything as she let Gordon take her place beside me.
“You two are quite cute together, actually,” Beth said and I blushed. Gordon just laughed.

I stayed for dinner with Gordon’s family. It was a much louder event than at my house; it was amazing. Everyone talked at once, telling each other about their days. I didn’t understand how they all kept up, but clearly they managed. During one of the quieter periods, Gordon’s mum looked up and said, “well, now it’s down to you girls to make me a grandma.”
“Mum,” Beth, Sophie and Michelle all moaned together. Katie didn’t know what was going on.
“Besides,” Gordon said, “what makes you think we won't have a family?” I turned and stared at him. “We could adopt, or use a surrogate, right?” He turned to me and smiled. Was it crazy that he was thinking about that? Probably. Did it make me even happier than I’d been just seconds before? Definitely.
“Exactly,” Beth said. “I’m not even sure I want kids…” That just sparked off a whole new discussion.

When everyone had finished eating but continued talking round the table, Gordon slipped his hand under the table and found mine. I smiled up at him and gently squeezed his fingers in mine. “Mum, can we be excused for a minute?” Gordon asked.
“Of course, dear,” she said. Gordon stood, pulling me up with him. We went through the kitchen and out the back door into the garden. Gordon took his cigarettes out of his pocket and lit up.
“You know, you shouldn’t smoke,” I told him and he smiled.
“Already nagging me, are you?” he asked and I just smiled. I quickly pulled my camera out of my pocket and snapped a photo. “Those two photos, did you edit them?”
“Yeah,” I smiled.
“They’re amazing,” Gordon said and I smiled.
“Thank you,” I said.
“Seriously,” he said. “When I saw them…all I could think was how talented you are. That, and how much I love you, of course.”
“Of course,” I smiled. Gordon stubbed his cigarette out and dropped it to the flowerbed. He moved to stand in front of me and placed his hands on my hips.
“Thank you for being here tonight,” he said and I smiled.
“Nowhere else I’d be,” I told him and he smiled.
“I love you so much,” he whispered as he leant down to press his lips to mine.
“I love you, too,” I whispered against his lips for the first time. Gordon immediately pulled back, a grin on his lips.
“You do?” he asked. I blushed and nodded. “Say it again,” he whispered, moving closer to me again.
“I love you,” I said as I rested my forehead against his. “I have for so long.” Gordon grinned and kissed me once again. He pulled back and took the camera from my hands before pulling me close to him and taking a photo of us. He turned the camera round to look at the picture he’d just taken. He’d got the angle completely off – we were hardly even on the screen. But we were happy. “I love it,” I told him, turning to look at him properly.
“You’re just saying that,” he muttered with a childish pout. I laughed and shook my head, pressing a kiss to his pouting lips.
“I’m not, I promise,” I told him.

A minute later, Gordon’s mum called out to us. “Boys, dessert is ready.”
“Okay, coming, mum!” Gordon called back.
“It’s my parents next, you know,” I told him and he looked at me nervously. “Don’t worry, they’ll love you just as much as I do.” He smiled and pulled me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back tightly. Despite what had happened, I knew I’d made the right choice by giving Gordon a second chance. I knew he loved me and I loved him. And even if his friends didn’t accept him, his family did. “Let’s go back inside,” I said after a few minutes. Gordon nodded in my shoulder and then pulled back. He gazed down into my eyes and I smiled at him.
“I love you,” he whispered, gently brushing my hair from my eyes.
“I love you, too,” I whispered, leaning in to kiss him tenderly. He then took my hand and we headed back into his house. And I knew that Gordon was definitely the person I was going to spend my life with.