Symphony of Melancholy

A new tour, new places to go, more nameless faces to see. After a while, I stopped enjoying this. Enjoying anything.

I dislike singing, I dislike touring, and I just can’t find the energy to write anything other than dark, depressing songs. My whole band is sick of it, but they keep pushing me on. Constantly they tried to cheer me up.

It never worked.

Matt even tried to get me some depression meds, but I wouldn’t stay on them long enough to do any good.

I try to put on a good show each night and I try to ignore the feeling I get in my gut when I see couples out in the crowd. I’m slowly retracting from meet-and-greets and I’m turning cold with my fans.

My band is always apologizing for me and giving fans free wrist bands and things when I give them the cold shoulder or brush them off. I’m never in the mood, and those blokes finally understood why.

I just hated the life I was living. That was something they didn’t understand. All of them were happy and had girlfriends, and me? I had nothing.

I tried to be happy, but generally failed at it. Sinners Never Sleep was what came out of being heartbroken. Now I was just depressed, and no one wants an album about that.
People get tired of slow, sad songs. I needed to mix it up, but I didn’t even have the determination or willingness to do it.

It was sad.

I was sitting on the couch in my flat, mindlessly scrolling through twitter as some music played in the background. I did this pretty often, either on the couch or in my bed. The guys never came over to visit because they knew I wasn’t doing anything interesting.

Today was different.

As I was on my phone, suddenly Matt’s name popped up followed with it vibrating so I knew he was calling. I considered not answering, but I realized that he never calls me unless it’s important.

No one did.

So I answered. “Josh, oi, can the guys and I come over?” He asked from the other side. I heard some people talking, but didn’t know what was going on.

I wondered why he would possibly want to come here but without thinking, replied “Sure” anyway. He informed me they’d be over in a bit with some news.

I got off the couch and pulled on the some clothes. Clothes consisted of a sweatshirt and some jeans. I didn’t care to dress any better.

Pretty close to exactly when he said he’d be here, there was a knock and then the door opened, followed by some yells that I knew were my friends. They came into the room, Max jumping over the back of my couch to sit next to me, and the others filling the space in front of me.

That’s when I noticed an extra, unfamiliar female face.

“Who’s she?” I asked, quite rudely if I might be honest.

“This is Miranda” Dan said, then looked towards her. She looked like one of those photographers that liked to take pictures of herself and put them on Tumblr.

She moved forward a little, sticking out her hand, “Miranda White, that is. Hello there.”

I shook it hesitantly. “Why is she here?” I asked, mentally scolding myself for being rude again.

“Well, as you know, we’re making a movie with our live set and behind the scene footage and things. Well, she is going to be our camera-woman for behind the scenes, and director in putting it all together” Max filled in, throwing his arm over my shoulders and pulling me to him excitedly.

I, on the other hand, wasn’t too sure about it. “So is she coming with us on tour?”

“She is, she’ll be staying on the bus with us” Dan said.

Now, I wasn’t too happy with it. It was already cramped and uncomfortable on the bus with just us, now we had a girl? Not to mention, that every guy on the bus had a girlfriend except for me. That was just asking for someone to cheat. And no one wanted to be in the way when an angry girlfriend blamed us for not preventing it.

“I’m not so sure” I said slowly. I noticed her face fall a bit.

“Well, it doesn’t matter. We already have a contract written up to pay her, Rob made it all official” Matt said, cutting down my shallow hopes of stopping this before it started.

“Don’t worry, I promise you’ll hardly know I’m there” She told me with a smile. I just sighed and shrugged, giving them the “okay” for it.

They all cheered, unusually excited for it. I guess having another person they could actually have fun with was good for them.

But at usual, I’d just stay in my bunk the whole time I wasn’t performing.

Yeah, sounds great.