It's All Or Nothing.

As Zack was about to walk into the hospital room a doctor came out and bumped right into him sending Zack to land on the cold white floor and he snapped open his eyes, knowing it might take him a while to find the courage he needed to walk through the door.
"Oh! I am so sorry" The doctor said extending a hand to Zack to help him up, making sure he was okay with a quick glance.
"It's fine, how is she?" Zack asked the second he was off the floor, the doctor looked him in the eye and just nodded his face giving away no emotion.
"She is alive and sleeping, I was told her neighbour phoned 911 as Taylor wouldn't answer the door and was worried. The paramedics found her in the bathroom, she tried to overdose but luckily we saved her. Just in time might I add" He said looking at Tay's file once more before he looked at Zack who was as pale as the cold hospital floors.
"I'll leave you now" The doctor said quietly not that Zack heard him, he was in too much shock to care about what the man in the white jacket had to say about his friend. He walked slowly over to the door and into the dimly lit room, Tay was lying sleeping on the hospital bed; her brown hair covering some of her face, she looked peaceful and the steady beating of her heart monitor told Zack she was still alive. Sitting on the chair next to her bed Zack took hold of Tay's hand and felt the slight warmth in it and never at that moment had he never loved such warmth in all his life. He looked down at his hands, his massive tanned ones covering Tay's small pale ones and it was then that Zack noticed them. Her wrists. Covered in faint red lines and some already a white scar, tracing his fingers over them Zack felt his eyes sting with tears and he couldn't stop them, not anymore. Looking at both her wrists Zack felt the tears building, from her wrist to her elbow covered in cuts and scars. How long had she been doing this? Why didn't she say anything to me! I should have seen the signs, this is all my fault Zack thought to himself as he gripped Tay's hand ever tighter scared that if he let go she would really leave this time. How Zack wished this was a bad dream, sitting there in a dim hospital room at four in the morning watching his best friend sleep after trying to commit suicide, all he wanted was for Martin to shake him awake and tell him it was a dream. But it wasn't. This was real life and it was happening to him, everything Tay done had affected him in some way and to think that she could have been lying cold and dead in her flat made Zack shiver.
"Tay I am so sorry! I should have made sure you where really okay, it's my fault you nearly left. I am so sorry. If it wasn't for me worrying over stupid things I would have seen that you where crying out for help! Why didn't you talk to me Tay? I don't think I can lose you." Zack whispered tears still blinding his vision as he rested his head on the bed beside Tay's hand.
"Zack?" His head shot up as he heard his name in a small whisper, Tay was looking at him with tears in her eyes and a painfully sad expression.
"Tay!" Zack called and jumping up he hugged her tight as she gave a shaky laugh wrapping her arms around Zack as well.
"Tay, oh my God" They were the only words that could leave Zack's mouth at that moment and he felt her start to shake as sobs escaped her which made him hug her tighter.
"Z-zack! I'm sorry, I didn't k-know what to do" Tay sobbed her hands gripping onto Zack's shirt.
"It's okay Tay I am just so happy that you're still here, I can't lose you Jardine! You're my best friend and I need you to stay with me, I just wished that I could have know how much you where hurting" Zack whispered as he released Tay from his hug and Zack noticed how dead her eyes were it made him want to cry again but he held it back and smiled at her,
"I-I really am sorry Zack" She said holding onto Zack's hand but he just shook his head
"Stop apologising Tay! Please, I just want to see you get better" He said and leaning forward placed a kiss to her cheek and she just nodded not meeting Zack's eyes.
"Tay?" Zack asked quietly knowing that he had to know the answer to the question forming in his mind
"Hmm?" She said fingers playing with the needle stuck in her hand still not looking at Zack, she felt to guilty. This is not how it was meant to happen! I am meant to be gone. Dead. I don't want to be here anymore, I can't go on the rest of my life being unhappy and knowing it will never get better. But Zack. I can't leave him like this again, it's hurting him too much and never want to do that to him Tay thought as Zack sighed and mumbled a 'never mind' before placing a hand gently over Tay's.
"I'm gonna go phone the guys okay? I'll be just outside the room if you need anything shout on me" Zack said quietly as Tay shut her eyes hoping that sleep would take her so she didn't have to look at Zack's heartbroken face any longer. Zack walked further than outside Tay's room, he didn't want to go back and look into Tay's dead but alive eyes and know that she doesn't want to be here, sinking onto the cold sidewalk outside the hospital Zack pulled out his phone and dialled Alex who answered on the second ring.
"Zack? How is she?" Alex asked straight away and Zack sighed running a hand through his hair pulling on it slightly in frustration.
"She's alive if that's what you mean. She isn't the same Alex, her eyes aren't the same and her smile doesn't look real. I know I have to help her but I can't deal with the fact that she's in there because she wants to die" He said as tears filled his eyes again and he mentally cursed himself, hating that some nurses and doctors who were on their breaks where looking at him sadly.
"Zack she's our friend and you're best friend, we need to do everything we can to make sure that she gets better and is happy again. Zack don't ask me how I know this but she won't always think or act like that, I promise you that she will get better" Alex said firmly down the other end of the phone and Zack found himself sighing again.
"I guess you're right Alex, tell Jack and Martin the news for me. I'm gonna go get some coffee and sit with her for a while" He said standing up and brushing his jeans with one hand.
"Okay bro, if you need anyone of us just call" Alex said before hanging up and Zack went back inside in search of the coffee machine and as he was walking back to Tay's room he couldn't help but wonder about Alex's words, how would he that she won't always be like this? Sitting back in Tay's room Zack gave her a small smile as he noticed she was sleeping again so he took the chance to slip into the chair and close his eyes as well. It was just when he was about to fall completely asleep that he knew what Alex meant. He had done the same.