It Just Might Be Me

"Babe, what are you doing right now?" Austin asked into the phone as soon as Allie answered.

She giggled. "Sitting in my apartment waiting for my Chinese Food to come?"

"I just wanted to say I love you!"

"You're adorable." She laughed, as he quickly said goodbye and hung up the phone.

She rolled her eyes and laughed to herself. he always did silly little things like that.

She sighed as she lounged on her couch watching an old episode of American Horror Story.

As she started to flip through channels, she heard a knock on her door.

She got up to pay for her food and was pretty much shocked to find the sight that greeted her.

Austin was standing outside of her door holding her food.

"I think i freaked out the delivery guy when i payed for the stuff" He giggled.

Allie ignored his little confession and pulled him as close to her as possible.

"Jesus fucking Christ i miss you so much." She sighed into his neck.

He pressed little kisses all over her face as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

He walked them over to her couch where she collapsed down and pulled him on top of her.

"Your apartment is so nice"

"Not important" she mumbled against his lips as she struggled to unbutton his shirt while still kissing him.

He raised his eyebrows before kissing her back, and assisting her in the removal of their clothes.

After a solid two minutes, articles of clothing were scattered around her living room.

"I need you so bad." She breathed into his neck.

He nibbled on her ear gently as he lined himself up with her entrance and pushed himself in; wasting no time.

"Fuck." She whimpered, not used to the feeling.

"I'll go slow." Austin whispered.

"No time for that." She mused, rocking her hips into his, matching his rhythm.

"Someone's eager." He teased, gripping her hips with his hands as she cried out in pleasure.

He kissed all up her neck, eventually finding her sweet spot under her ear, and sucked on it.

He kissed her neck until he was satisfied with the marks he left, and in all honesty, she couldn't care less.

"Fuck i'm so close." She groaned, pulling his hair roughly as he moved on top of her.

"Let it go, baby." He moaned, as he was close too.

Minutes later the two were wrapped up in a blanket laying on the couch by the window. Their clothes were still scattered across the floor, and neither of them were in a rush to pick them up.

Austin looked out the window and stroked Allie's hair. "I'd kill for a beautiful view like this everyday."

"Isn't Central Park spectacular?"

"I was talking about you." He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

She closed her eyes and couldn't help but blush.

"How long are you here for?" She asked quietly, not really wanting to hear his answer.

"Three days, unless you're kicking me out." he teased.

"No, stay with me here. Its big enough for two to live." Allie mumbled, fighting back tears.

"It sucks going from being together every day to seeing each other like this. But it's so worth it."

The two were snuggled up together, still naked, under a giant blanket.

It was freezing inside the apartment, but neither of them could care less.

Allie traced her toe up Austin's calf and smiled bigger with each word that escaped his lips.

"You forgot about your food." he teased.

"Fuck it, i'm never moving from this position right now."

"Even to pee?"

"Austin!" She missed this so much.

-

A few hours had passed and the two had spent their day lazily laying around in Allies apartment. Just talking, kissing, and holding each other.

"Want to see my secret spot?" Allie piped up all of a sudden.

"Ooh, I love secrets."

She rolled her eyes and put her coat on, motioning for Austin to do the same.

He followed suit, and she grabbed his hand, dragging him out of the apartment.

After pulling him up what seemed like a million staircases, they reached a hatch in the ceiling, which Allie opened with ease.

Austin stood amazed as he was greeted by the vast night sky.

"You hang out on the roof?" he chuckled.

"It's quiet and nobody bothers me."

Austin watched Allie in awe as she walked extremely close to the edge and plopped down.

"You make me so nervous."

Allie shrugged. "I make myself nervous"

Austin smiled and sat down next to her, draping one arm over her shoulder, and using the other to hold his legs against his chest.

"I wrote nearly my entire album sitting up here." She said contently, smiling.

"I literally spend hours up here, staring at the stars-sometimes wishing on them, or even just thinking about why things happen."

Austin rested his head on her shoulder and she ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm so in love with you." he whispered quietly.

"I am beyond in love with you." Allie said so quiet, it was barely audible.

"Can i ask you a question?"

She nodded, pulling his hand into her lap and playing with it.

"Why are you so sad?"

She momentarily froze. She hated this question, because in all honesty, she didn't know.

"I'm not always sad. I'm happy. You make me happy."

"Allie, you're so beautiful, and smart, and talented, and interesting, and strange, and wonderful. Why are you sad?"

She sighed, and pressed her cold lips to his even colder hand.

"I hate the person i've become. I'm constantly fighting these internal battles that make me sick. I hate myself for so many things. For making my parents resent me, for...for letting my sister die..."

"Allie-" he cut off. "That was not your fault, and you know it."

She sighed, continuing. "I know, it just feels like my fault. Everything feels like my fault. No matter what i achieve, i scrutinize myself for not doing better. Im just.. i'm just scared. Of life, of death, of people. Myself."

Austin kissed the side of her head. "You're beautiful, and the sweetest girl i've ever met. I'm here Al, it's my job to protect you from scary things. The world is a scary place."

She sat quietly for a few minutes, playing with Austins hand, before speaking again.

"Why are you sad, Austin?"

He looked almost slightly taken aback, but he replied almost instantly.

"I'm not sad."

She frowned.

"Everyone's sad. What makes you sad?"

He bit his lip, staring out at the city skyline.

"A lot of things." he admitted honestly.

"I have time." She whispered, watching him stare intently at the dark city in front of him.

"I dunno," he started shakily. "My mom. Thinking of her makes me sad. I miss her. A lot."

Allie nodded, understanding all too well what it was like to lose someone.

"I can't even look at my reflection in the mirror without cringing." he admitted honestly, his voice cracking slightly.

"That literally broke my heart." Allie whimpered. "You're beautiful Austin, inside, and out. I love your face, and your eyes. Your freckles, your smile. Your big, warm hands. Your tiny little legs. Your warm neck. Everything."

He replied by pressing a soft kiss to her lips, holding her face in his hands.

"I'm scared, Allie."

"Of what?"

"Dying. Living without achieving anything. Becoming just another speck in the universe. I just want to change peoples lives. I don't wanna die and have people forget about me, or worse, remember me for not doing anything productive."

"Austin, do you know how many people you've helped? How many people you've saved? You've done more in your twenty five years than most people have done in their lifetimes. You're the reason people are alive. Still breathing because of you. Not to mention me. You saved me, Austin. I was wreck, and a mess, and barely hanging on when I met you. Look how far i've come? Your mom would be so proud of you, you dont even know."

"I love you Allison. So much." he said, tears welling up in his eyes.

"You saved me too."