Hesitate

“Well I don’t know what the fuck you want me to do!” Shay yelled at Corey, slamming the dishes that she’d been carrying down on the counter.

“I want you to fucking act like my wife again! This time last year, we were fucking in abandoned dressing rooms, and now it seems like you barely even want to be seen with me!” he screamed back, and she knew that she was pushing it. She knew that she shouldn’t yell back at him because he was already much too angry. She knew he had an anger problem that he couldn’t handle on his own in the heat of the moment and she should try to calm herself down and then try to calm him down. She knew all these things but in that particular moment, she either didn’t care or didn’t want to care.

“Me, Corey? Me? Which one of us is the one that would’ve fucked a band whore about a month ago if Joey hadn’t stopped us? Huh? I get so fucking tired of you blaming everything on me! I know I’m not perfect. But you need to hop off your high fucking horse and realize that you’re not either, god damn it!” she screamed, and she instantly knew that she’d gone too far. She saw the angry look in his eyes shift from simply angry to completely enraged. She saw him ball his fists, and she saw him pick up the plates she’d just put on the counter and throw every single one of them onto the floor, shattering all of them into tiny pieces.

“Fuck!” he screamed, turning and stalking out of the kitchen. Trying her best to step around the pieces of broken plate, Shay ran after him, catching up to him right as he reached the front door and throwing herself in front of it.

“Move,” he growled, and the pure animalistic power that the single word held in it terrified her.

“No,” she growled back, trying as hard as she could to sound just half as scary as he had.

“Shayliene, move. Now,” he growled again, and the usage of her full name infuriated her. He knew damn well that she despised her full name, and she despised it when anyone called her by it.

“Don’t you fucking call me by my whole name and try to scare me. You’re not my fucking dad,” she said, and in the next second, Corey completely unexpectedly softened.

“Fuck,” he whispered, turning around and making his way quickly up the stairs.

Shay waited a few moments before following him. She leaned heavily against the door and let out a large breath. “Oh my god,” she whispered to herself, trying to stop the tears from pooling in her eyes. She hadn’t been so afraid of anyone since her dad. He used her as a punching bag when she was younger, and she’d thought that Corey was her safe place from any sort of thoughts of that. Sure, he hadn’t hit her, hadn’t even attempted to, but it sure had seemed like he’d wanted to. When she’d calmed herself down enough, she slowly followed him up the stairs.

She found him in their bedroom with his head buried in his hands. She approached him cautiously, and sat down beside him. As soon as she did so, he let out a pained sob and flung his arms around her. He was back. Her Corey was back.

“Shay, I’m so fucking sorry. I know I’m an ass, and I know that I’m the one that started that argument in the first place, so I had no fucking place to go off like I did, and I’m sorry that I got drunk out of my mind and almost made the biggest mistake of my life last month, and I’m sorry that I used your full name, and I’m sorry that I acted like your dad, and I’m sorry that I scared you. I don’t want to scare you. I never want to scare you. I want to be the one whose arms you feel safe in, not the one you want to run away from. I’m such a dick. Such a fucking dick,” Corey rambled between quiet sobs. Before Shay could even respond, Corey was talking again. “And the dishes. The fucking dishes. I don’t even know why I did that. I barely even remember doing that. It feels like I was just watching someone do it instead of actually doing it myself. Shay, please forgive me. Please,” the last part came out as a pleading whisper, causing Shay to finally break down into tears.

“Corey-” she began, but before she could get any other words out, she choked up completely and her body started violently shaking with sobs. “Corey,” she choked again, and again she wasn’t able to get any other words out. Giving up, she buried her face firmly into his chest and just let herself sob.

“Shh, hey baby, shhh,” Corey cooed in her ear, stroking her hair, and trying to hide the fact that tears were still steadily running down his own cheeks.

It took almost twenty minutes of holding her, gently rocking her back and forth, and humming in her ear for him to completely calm her down again, and when she looked at him then, he automatically knew that all was forgiven. Her eyes were soft and caring, and this time when she spoke to him, she was actually able to get it out.

“You’re right. Our marriage has changed. It’s changed a lot. But that doesn’t have to be bad thing. We can’t let it be a bad thing! Obviously we’ve changed, that’s what marriage is, growing and changing with the person you love, and I know that you’re the only person that I’ll ever love like this, Corey, it’s only you now, and it will always be only you,” she said, taking his face between her hands and staring into his eyes. “We can’t expect everything to always stay exactly the same. As much as we hate to admit it, we’re growing older, Cor, and unfortunately, with growing older comes changing. We just have to learn how to handle it better, and I’m willing to try anything if it means that I get to be with you every day for the rest of my life,” she said, and she saw tears rise to his eyes and spill down his cheeks.

“I love you,” he whispered, and she knew that, even though he might not be able to say it in that moment, he felt the same exact way that she did.

“I love you too,” she whispered back, kissing him firmly on the lips.

“I’m sorry I broke all the dishes,” he whispered, and the look in his eyes reminded her so much of a sorry little boy that she almost busted out laughing.

“They were ugly anyway,” she responded, and he smirked.

“My mom gave us those as a wedding present,” he said, and this time she did bust out laughing.

“That doesn’t make them any less ugly,” she said, and now he was laughing with her.

“They were really fuckin’ ugly,” he agreed.

“You’re cleaning every single ugly little piece up off the kitchen floor though,” she said, and he smiled at her again.

“I know,” he responded, kissing her once more on the lips, once on the forehead, then getting up and making his way downstairs and into the kitchen.