Status: Still working on the story, it will be long and evenul, bear with us.
I Never Told a Lie, and That Makes Me a Liar
Chapter 14
"Talk to each other- now." Jess yelled at us. I was kind if scared of her right now, but I was much more terrified of what Zack was going to say to me. If he said anything at all.
I looked down at my feet, my wrinkled Tom's™ were half on the curb and half off. Tay's baggy sweatpants glowed in the fluorescent light of the McDonald's sign, and Zack's sweatshirt hung down to almost my knees. I was a complete disaster. Zack's shirtless torso was slouched over and his hands were stuck deep in the pockets of his grey Amerrickan sweats.
Neither of us looked at each other or said anything for a long time. Jess had angrily walked into ATL's tour bus and slammed the door behind her several minutes beforehand so we were completely alone in the McDonald's parking lot, at 2 in the morning.
I continued to look at my feet but I suddenly could feel him looking at me. Not just looking at me either, it felt as though his eyes were boring into my soul. His intensity made me look up. When I looked into his eyes, although we were silent, I could hear the apology. His eyes spoke to me of his guilt and anger. They were red and puffy and slightly glossy, as if he had been drinking as well. I knew then that whatever I had seen had been an accident, and internally, I knew that I forgave him, but I still needed an explanation.
"Why?" I breathed into the crisp night air, still looking into his eyes. It took a long time for a response. He looked away, finally, and sat on the curb.
"It was an accident." He began.
"Which part?" I asked " Me seeing it, or the act its self?"
"I didn't want to kiss her." He replied, desperately.
"But you did Zack. And now I'm asking why." I was already almost to the point of tears. I just wanted him to tell me. I had been through enough that night, and he wouldn't even tell me why I had been put through it at all. "Why Zack?" I repeated.
"I know Sandy from a long time ago- ex girlfriend. She wanted to catch up; talk to me in private. I waited until the crowd died down a little bit to talk to her, I wanted to talk to as many people as possible before I got caught up in personal business..." He paused, and sighed, then shook his head and put his head between his hands. "We were just talking until she got really creepy and then pushed me down into the closet and closed the door. I didn't want to be rude and leave abruptly but I really didn't want to be there. She kept trying to get me to talk but I was so uncomfortable... Then she said something about how I was upsetting her and that she had just run out on her boyfriend that was abusive and how her life has been a living hell and I started to feel so bad for her. I felt bad for being a dick too, so when she broke down on me I had to try to make her feel better, I couldn't just let her feel like shit, even if I was uncomfortable...then she stopped her fake crying and fucking held me down and kissed me." He got really quiet and kept staring straight down at the ground. "I wouldn't have even said a word to her if I had known she was being such a manipulative bitch." He said as he glanced up at me with tears in his eyes, voice wavering. "You have to believe me Leila, I would never do anything to hurt you."
I took a minute or two to process everything he had just told me.
"I believe you." I finally concluded.
"I believe every word of what you just told me. I just have one last question." I paused. "If you really care about me so much, why didn't you come after me Zack? Why did you just stand there with your mouth open? Why?" I had finally hit the last straw. I was crying, yet again.
"You ran off and I was scared! Sandy was trying to hold me back and before I could even get outside you were gone from sight."
"That's not an excuse, Zack! I would have chased after you for miles if you ran out on me like that, and you could barely make it out the door."
"What the hell are you talking about!? I thrashed every bus and every room and trailer looking for you, I called every motel nearby, every restaurant, everywhere. Nobody had seen you! I ran at least 15 miles tonight, in both directions on the highway, looking for you. It was obvious you didn't want to be found though, not by me, anyways. After 3 and a half hours of looking for you, Alex comes back saying that you were safe and sound in his girlfriends bus, that you weren't ever going to speak to me again, and then he grabbed some shit and then left for another 2 hours. I looked for you. I came after you. Don't try and say that I didn't."
I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I stood there a moment, not sure of what to say. He looked for me. He cared. And I had called Alex instead..
"I didn't know." I responded, quietly, my voice breaking.
"Its okay, I didn't expect you to know." He said calmly as he stood up and faced me.
"I called-"
"I know you called Alex. It's okay." He said.
"Okay.." I said
"Okay.." He said, and he wrapped me in a warm hug; I felt like everything was going to be alright.
I looked down at my feet, my wrinkled Tom's™ were half on the curb and half off. Tay's baggy sweatpants glowed in the fluorescent light of the McDonald's sign, and Zack's sweatshirt hung down to almost my knees. I was a complete disaster. Zack's shirtless torso was slouched over and his hands were stuck deep in the pockets of his grey Amerrickan sweats.
Neither of us looked at each other or said anything for a long time. Jess had angrily walked into ATL's tour bus and slammed the door behind her several minutes beforehand so we were completely alone in the McDonald's parking lot, at 2 in the morning.
I continued to look at my feet but I suddenly could feel him looking at me. Not just looking at me either, it felt as though his eyes were boring into my soul. His intensity made me look up. When I looked into his eyes, although we were silent, I could hear the apology. His eyes spoke to me of his guilt and anger. They were red and puffy and slightly glossy, as if he had been drinking as well. I knew then that whatever I had seen had been an accident, and internally, I knew that I forgave him, but I still needed an explanation.
"Why?" I breathed into the crisp night air, still looking into his eyes. It took a long time for a response. He looked away, finally, and sat on the curb.
"It was an accident." He began.
"Which part?" I asked " Me seeing it, or the act its self?"
"I didn't want to kiss her." He replied, desperately.
"But you did Zack. And now I'm asking why." I was already almost to the point of tears. I just wanted him to tell me. I had been through enough that night, and he wouldn't even tell me why I had been put through it at all. "Why Zack?" I repeated.
"I know Sandy from a long time ago- ex girlfriend. She wanted to catch up; talk to me in private. I waited until the crowd died down a little bit to talk to her, I wanted to talk to as many people as possible before I got caught up in personal business..." He paused, and sighed, then shook his head and put his head between his hands. "We were just talking until she got really creepy and then pushed me down into the closet and closed the door. I didn't want to be rude and leave abruptly but I really didn't want to be there. She kept trying to get me to talk but I was so uncomfortable... Then she said something about how I was upsetting her and that she had just run out on her boyfriend that was abusive and how her life has been a living hell and I started to feel so bad for her. I felt bad for being a dick too, so when she broke down on me I had to try to make her feel better, I couldn't just let her feel like shit, even if I was uncomfortable...then she stopped her fake crying and fucking held me down and kissed me." He got really quiet and kept staring straight down at the ground. "I wouldn't have even said a word to her if I had known she was being such a manipulative bitch." He said as he glanced up at me with tears in his eyes, voice wavering. "You have to believe me Leila, I would never do anything to hurt you."
I took a minute or two to process everything he had just told me.
"I believe you." I finally concluded.
"I believe every word of what you just told me. I just have one last question." I paused. "If you really care about me so much, why didn't you come after me Zack? Why did you just stand there with your mouth open? Why?" I had finally hit the last straw. I was crying, yet again.
"You ran off and I was scared! Sandy was trying to hold me back and before I could even get outside you were gone from sight."
"That's not an excuse, Zack! I would have chased after you for miles if you ran out on me like that, and you could barely make it out the door."
"What the hell are you talking about!? I thrashed every bus and every room and trailer looking for you, I called every motel nearby, every restaurant, everywhere. Nobody had seen you! I ran at least 15 miles tonight, in both directions on the highway, looking for you. It was obvious you didn't want to be found though, not by me, anyways. After 3 and a half hours of looking for you, Alex comes back saying that you were safe and sound in his girlfriends bus, that you weren't ever going to speak to me again, and then he grabbed some shit and then left for another 2 hours. I looked for you. I came after you. Don't try and say that I didn't."
I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I stood there a moment, not sure of what to say. He looked for me. He cared. And I had called Alex instead..
"I didn't know." I responded, quietly, my voice breaking.
"Its okay, I didn't expect you to know." He said calmly as he stood up and faced me.
"I called-"
"I know you called Alex. It's okay." He said.
"Okay.." I said
"Okay.." He said, and he wrapped me in a warm hug; I felt like everything was going to be alright.