Status: Still working on the story, it will be long and evenul, bear with us.
I Never Told a Lie, and That Makes Me a Liar
Chapter 23
Chapter 18 *may be triggering*
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I wondered aloud in the privacy of the empty bus. I had begun packing my bags already. I felt so bad for Jess. I could tell there was something between her and Jack, but once again I had made this whole trip about me. I felt awful and selfish. The pain of hurting Alex and, Jess, and on top of that, Jack, and then Zack too was almost bad enough to the point where I contemplated the razor. “No.” I told myself. “I will not be weak again. I can’t do that to myself; to my friends. No” I pictured the razors sitting in my makeup bag. Untouched and brand new. I let the vision fade from my head and I finished packing the last of my things before sitting down and sleeping for a few moments. When I woke, it was abrupt and I was covered in sweat. I had not had a dream, but a nightmare. All I could smell was the blood that had covered my dead body in the depths of my mind, and all I could see was the glint of the razors that beckoned me so. I shivered. “No. Not again. Not ever.” Fate had another plan in mind though. I rummaged through my makeup bag looking for my herbal oils that I used to calm me down after nightmares like the one I had just had, when my hand hit something hard and cold. I pulled my hand out of the bag to find it covered in blood. My own blood. I had hit my razors. The sight of the blood was all too overwhelming and my urge to cut had won over my good sense. I laid on the cramped bathroom floor in the empty bus, my arms and legs coated in a thick red syrup. I had tried not to go too deep, but nausea took over my body and caused a spew if vomit to exit my mouth, and I found that I could not lift myself up from the ground to clean up my selfish wounds. It was definitely too deep. Fear clouded my already blurred vision and I collapsed into a heap on the floor of the shower, still fully clothed, laying in my own blood and vomit with no will and no one. Slowly, I drifted into a pit of blackness and fell asleep. The last thing I saw were the bright red lines on my wrists that all blurred together, and I thought “Why…”
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I wondered aloud in the privacy of the empty bus. I had begun packing my bags already. I felt so bad for Jess. I could tell there was something between her and Jack, but once again I had made this whole trip about me. I felt awful and selfish. The pain of hurting Alex and, Jess, and on top of that, Jack, and then Zack too was almost bad enough to the point where I contemplated the razor. “No.” I told myself. “I will not be weak again. I can’t do that to myself; to my friends. No” I pictured the razors sitting in my makeup bag. Untouched and brand new. I let the vision fade from my head and I finished packing the last of my things before sitting down and sleeping for a few moments. When I woke, it was abrupt and I was covered in sweat. I had not had a dream, but a nightmare. All I could smell was the blood that had covered my dead body in the depths of my mind, and all I could see was the glint of the razors that beckoned me so. I shivered. “No. Not again. Not ever.” Fate had another plan in mind though. I rummaged through my makeup bag looking for my herbal oils that I used to calm me down after nightmares like the one I had just had, when my hand hit something hard and cold. I pulled my hand out of the bag to find it covered in blood. My own blood. I had hit my razors. The sight of the blood was all too overwhelming and my urge to cut had won over my good sense. I laid on the cramped bathroom floor in the empty bus, my arms and legs coated in a thick red syrup. I had tried not to go too deep, but nausea took over my body and caused a spew if vomit to exit my mouth, and I found that I could not lift myself up from the ground to clean up my selfish wounds. It was definitely too deep. Fear clouded my already blurred vision and I collapsed into a heap on the floor of the shower, still fully clothed, laying in my own blood and vomit with no will and no one. Slowly, I drifted into a pit of blackness and fell asleep. The last thing I saw were the bright red lines on my wrists that all blurred together, and I thought “Why…”
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HELP ME WITH SOME IDEAS GUYS I feel like its getting kinda silly :p