Survival

The next day I was eating dinner alone, lost in thought about my fighting skill. I had trained with Adara all day long with my bow, but I was still thinking about the sparring technique that I couldn’t quite grasp. After putting some carrot in my mouth, I held my fork out and gripped it like it was the knife I had been using to practice with. I repeated the movement, trying to flick my wrist just right to get the imaginary opposition’s knife at the specific angle to make it work. I bit my lip, knowing I was just doing what I always did, and that that didn’t work. It had to be different. I had to improve!

“Hello, Marion,” a voice said from my left, making me jump. Tobias! I quickly brought the fork back down and pricked more carrots with it. I hope he hadn’t seen that...

“Hi, Tobias,” I mumbled, telling my cheeks to not redden.

“Is everything alright with you lately?” he asked as I ate some more food, my plate almost clear. I nodded my head and swallowed.

“Splendid. Why do you ask?” I replied before setting down my fork and drinking.

“I know I’ve been busying with training for the upcoming attack lately but... Whenever I do see you, you seem so spaced out and tired, like something is wrong,” Toby said. I looked across at him and saw his facial expression matched the tone of his voice: concerned.

“Well, I’ve just had a lot on my mind,” I told him, trying to shake it off. Hopefully he could tell that I didn’t want to talk about it. The last thing I wanted was for him to find out everything I had been trying so hard to keep a secret.

“What about how you’ve lost weight too? I see you’re eating everything you’re given, but you’re a lot thinner,” he continued just as I finished eating the last bits of food on my plate. That wasn’t my fault. I too had noticed the weight loss, but that was mainly because the cooks wouldn’t give me more food. I was working hard and needed a male’s sized meal, not a female’s. But I couldn’t tell them that I was training to fight, so I just dealt with it. “Are you sick? Please tell me the truth, I’m so worried.” Toby put a comforting hand on my arm, his eyes pleading me to talk to him about my problems.

“No, I’m not sick,” I answered quietly, reaching for my cup again. “Please, don’t worry, I’m fine. I don’t-”

“Is your hand injured?” Tobias suddenly asked, giving me a little fright with how loud his voice was. He reached out and took my drink away from me before touching my right hand gently and pulling it towards him. I had bandaged the graze from my fight with Loukas to prevent infection and to let it heal a bit quicker, but no one had noticed or questioned me about it yet. “What happened? How bad is it?” Toby was fretting so much it started to feel like we were children again. That was the only time he had been so open about being worried about me.

“It’s nothing, just a scratch from cleaning the ship. I was careless,” I shrugged, trying to pull my hand away. Tobias kept a strong grip on my wrist.

“Can I take the bandage off to see how bad it is?”

“No,” I replied hastily, fearing he would recognise the graze as something you’d get from a weapon. “I mean, I’ve only just put a fresh one on.” He nodded and went back to looking at my hand. I rolled my eyes a little, wanting him to go away. For once, I was not welcoming the concern of my friend. I looked around the dining room and saw the last group of people were leaving. Sylus was chatting and laughing with Loukas and they were surrounded by other highly ranked Kasiens like Adara and Cassius, and of course Otto. He was trailing behind them, looking in my direction with a deathly stare. I assumed he wasn’t impressed with the fact that Tobias was suspicious about my battle injury, so I sent him a smile to try and reassure him that I was fine and had it under control.

“Don’t tell me you actually like him,” Tobias scoffed with impatience. I shot him a confused look.

“What do you mean? He’s the other leader, why can’t I like him?” I asked, making him look away from me. “What aren’t you telling me? Toby?” I urged him to answer me, hoping his pet name would get his attention. Tobias ran a hand over his face as he sighed, then quickly glanced around the room, noting it was empty.

“This morning, Otto asked me if he could mate you...” My jaw almost hit the table. He asked Toby what?

“Are you serious?” I breathed.

“Yeah. Despite all of the differences between our groups, they still need to ask a female’s close relative for their blessing. Of course your mother and sister left on another ship, and your father died in the battle on the orange planet, so I’m considered your close relative,” Toby explained, not making eye contact with me. His touch on my hand was loosening, but I didn’t try and move away. It sounded like this was troubling for him, so I probably needed to comfort him. “He found me this morning and asked if it would be okay. Otto has apparently taken quite a liking to your strong personality and was hoping to mate you before the battle, just in case he gets killed.”

“And what did you say?” I wondered eagerly.

“I said I’d think about it. He understood I really hadn’t seen it coming, so would have to evaluate the choice over a few days...”

“Well, I think it’s probably best if I take him while I can. I mean, no other male wants to mate me,” I said after a few moments of Tobias being quiet.

“I understand how you feel about that, but...” he trailed off, looking up at me. I gave him a nod of encouragement, really wanting to know what he wanted to say. “But lately there have been some questionable actions from him as a leader. I can’t let you be with someone who is, well, a bad male.”

“A bad male?” I repeated. That was such a questionable thing for him to say! Besides, the other group wouldn’t have chosen a male with such poor qualities to lead them through such a difficult time! “I don’t believe you. We can’t be talking about the same male.”

“I wish I could tell you more, but I don’t have the time right now, and… It’s like he’s trying to overthrow me and rule everyone,” Tobias said.

“Surely he’s not!”

“That’s what it seems like. I don’t think he wants to share his position with anyone. But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Sylus is also mistaken. I don’t know,” Tobias shrugged, looking down at my hand. “Look, I’ll do some more thinking and I’ll let you know if I have made my decision before we leave to fight. But please don’t get your hopes up.”

“Yeah, alright…” I mumbled, knowing he was just trying to do what was best. Toby gave my injured hand a gentle reassuring squeeze before standing and leaving. I quickly packed up my dishes and went to drop them off in the kitchen, seeing Brienne working there. I couldn’t wait to tell her what had just happened.