Survival

I had to put on a brave face for the rest of the day. Admittedly, I was lost in thoughts about both Toby and Otto, trying to decipher exactly what everything meant. It was hard to know what I was feeling. Mainly I was just numb. That was the best way to describe it. All of the different emotions and thoughts were overwhelming me. I had trusted Otto so much. He was the one who accepted my strive to fight and allowed me to learn more. And on top of the kind actions that he really didn’t have to do, he appeared to be a sweet person who liked me for the strange Kasien I was. Otto was the first male to look at me as someone more than just a female who did typical female tasks. He liked that I was something more than that. It meant so much. But perhaps it was all lies. After what Tobias had told me, I couldn’t tell which of Otto’s actions were meaningful and truthful. Otto had cheated me, and it hurt.

Nonetheless, I was glad Toby had finally told me. It was obvious he had been holding back information, but it must have never been appropriate to tell me, especially since I was a female. But being his close friend and the female to mate with Otto, Toby couldn’t hold it in any longer. Better late than never, I guess. I knew the truth now, and things seemed more obvious. Had Toby only warned me earlier… The possible alternate situations ran through my mind all night, keeping me awake and giving me nightmares when I was able to sleep for a short time. Come morning, I was still angry and upset to no end. Because I was awake so early, I decided to attend the early breakfast that the warriors were having. Otto was at a table with Loukas and others from his ship, all chatting quietly amongst themselves. I assumed he was scheming against Tobias, so I avoided looking in his direction and just shuffled up to the serving area. Luckily Brienne was working there and she was able to slip me a meal. I smiled my thanks and headed to our usual spot to eat alone.

I felt eyes on me, so I eventually lifted my head and noticed that Toby was staring at me, slowly eating. His hard features showed concern, and he offered a sympathetic smile. I just hung my head and focused back on the meal, hoping he’d look away. The more anxiety I saw from him, the worse it seemed to get. It just made me feel even guiltier that I hadn’t seen through Otto’s façade, that I had listened to and believed every lie, that I hadn’t trusted my own leader who was also my friend… The list went on and on. And not to mention I was still set to mate with Otto, which I no longer wanted to do. It just seemed like a situation that was impossible to get out of. Would it ever get better?

Luckily I managed to get out of the dining room without a confrontation from anyone at all, and I went back to my room. There, I thought about the battle the males were going to today. During the last few fights I had witnessed Tobias and Otto arguing, and Otto leaving both of us to die. What if something similar was going to happen? I couldn’t have Tobias being killed, or injured, because of Otto. Maybe someone else from my group would be left behind and not be rescued. Their disagreeing could be the downfall of the fight. They could then become gravely wounded or dead, things I could never forgive myself for letting happen. I had to do my best to prevent anything like that happening. Hurriedly, I put on the armoured outfit and grabbed my bow and some arrows I had stolen from Otto’s ship. Them and my knife were hidden in my wardrobe because I knew Tobias would never dare search in there. I then quickly flew over to the training island, seeing that everyone was almost ready to leave. I kept to the back, trying to stay invisible. The last thing I wanted was to be confronted by Otto.

“Why are you here?” Tobias’ soft voice brought me back into reality and I realised how inattentive I was. I really should have heard him coming up to me. At least he didn’t sound angry with me, just concerned and pitiful. I had to bite back a sarcastic response.

“I have to go with you,” I whispered with a little shrug. I was hugging myself, and tightened my grip on my waist.

“You can’t.”

“I have to. I don’t trust him,” I said even quieter than before. I forced myself to meet Tobias’ eyes, hoping he’d believe me and let me go.

“I understand, but it’s probably safer for you here. I don’t know what’s going to happen today,” Tobias explained.

“Will Sylus have your back?” I asked. Tobias looked over his shoulder before turning back to me.

“He’s watching Loukas, and Cassius is watching Adara,” he said in a low voice. “We believe they’ll step in if need be, so we’re just being prepared in case something goes wrong. And I’m watching him.”

“You need someone to watch your back,” I attempted to reason with my friend. He couldn’t possibly go out there without back-up!

“I can take care of myself.”

“Really? How come I’ve saved you a lot recently?” I questioned, making him smile a little.

“I’ve been distracted. But I won’t be if you’re not there, because then I won’t be worrying about your safety,” Toby continued.

“Well I’m trained-”

“Not by me. I don’t want you there,” Tobias said in an assertive voice. His slightly playful tone from a few moments ago was gone completely.

“I can take care of myself. I promise I won’t get in the way,” I pleaded. Sometimes Tobias was blinded. He couldn’t always see the best option.

“What about if you come, but you stay back and don’t attack anyone? Just watch, make sure nothing bad happens to anyone from our group,” Toby suggested. I paused and considered the option. It was probably the best Tobias would agree too, so I nodded.

“Okay. Just… be careful,” I trailed off, genuinely concerned. Knowing that he was expecting Otto to try something was worrying enough, but being there to see it with my own two eyes again… This was a great time to be a normal female that didn’t have to ever worry about issues like this.

“You be alert, and do what you have to do, even if it means fleeing for safety. I can’t lose you, Marion,” Toby said quietly. Before I could reply, he was hugging me. I put my arms around him and held him close until he pulled away. Toby kissed my cheek and smiled down at me. “I should go and talk to Sylus. We will leave very shortly. Please stick to our plan.”

“I promise,” I agreed with a little smile. Toby turned his back and walked back to the rest of the group. My mind wandered until I realised someone else had approached me. Otto. I put on a fake smile and tried my best to act warmly towards him.

“Marion, are you allowed to fight?” Otto asked with genuine surprise. “I’ll be honest, I really don’t want you attending this battle. My plan is far too dangerous; you need more training.”

“I’m just watching from afar,” I reassured him. “I won’t join in unless I’m really needed.” Otto nodded, but still had some apprehension on his face.

“All right… Don’t do anything stupid, though,” he said with a tiny grin. Otto then leaned in for what looked like a kiss, but instead I ducked and pulled him into a long hug. I felt so weird and uncomfortable in his arms, but I did my best to ignore it. The last thing I needed was him becoming suspicious.

“Let’s move out!” Tobias’ voice called, making us break apart. Otto just smiled and turned, leaving to join Adara and Loukas. I sent Tobias a thankful smile, earning a short nod back. My stomach was uneasy. I was nervous and worried for Tobias. The thought of something happening to him was just too scary for me to handle… I hoped with all of my heart that he and I would return after this battle.