Survival

Toby stopped looking down at my lips and met my eyes. He was clearly confused, and I felt so guilty as my heart raced. My problem was that it was my close friend who wanted to kiss me. That was wrong. We hadn’t dated, or at least been on a date where both of us were aware it was a date, and had only just proclaimed our feelings for each other. It was so exciting, but I was scared and uncertain at the same time. If our lips touched, it would change everything. Was I ready to do that?

“What is it?” Toby questioned kindly, keeping his hand on me. I could feel his breath on my face, something I thought I’d never feel. He was my friend, and I had always thought that he’d never want me as his mate… What was I supposed to do?

“Doing that would change everything,” I whispered. It was all I could think of telling him: the truth.

“Don’t we want to change it? I thought we were perfect together,” he countered with such patience.

“Perfect as friends, Toby… I really don’t want to ruin that.”

“It won’t, we’ll just become stronger,” he said encouragingly. I sighed and looked away, the movement causing him to drop his hand from my jawline.

“How do you know that for sure?” I scarcely said. It was just such a big risk to take… The last thing I wanted was to lose him, of all Kasiens.

“I know because I’ve known you my whole life, Marion. You mean the world to me, and I don’t see myself spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I’ve grown up with you, and I want to grow old with you,” Toby pleaded. I looked up and saw he seemed agitated. There was no way I could blame him, though. I had come here demanding to know his feelings for me, had a realisation that I felt the same way, but then wouldn’t get the ball rolling when it came to a new relationship with him. It was just so hard to know what was right. I thought about what he had just said. Growing old together… I had always known that we’d grow old together, but it was just always as friends. We were always so close, so there was never a doubt in my mind that anyone else would be involved. Not even a mate for Tobias. I had never considered that at all, nor had I ever thought about a mate for myself. Why was that?

I looked back up and saw Toby was looking down. He was so handsome, but I was making him so sad… I brought my hands up and gently cupped his face. Easily, I moved forwards into a soft kiss that lasted a few seconds before I pulled away and let go of my friend. My eyes were wide as I tried to figure out what I was feeling right now. There were just so many emotions, and my heart was about to leap out of my chest. I breathed in deeply and tried to guess at what Toby could possibly be thinking.

“Why…?” he asked with a slightly puzzled questioning look.

“Because you’re right, we’re supposed to grow old together…” I murmured shyly. It still hadn’t really sunken in that we had kissed. Our lips together was… a strange thing…

“What do you think of the kiss?” Toby said quietly with a straight face.

“It was a bit weird,” I breathed with a tiny smile. His face broke into his gorgeous grin as he looked down briefly.

“Yeah, it was a bit weird…” he agreed as he shifted his weight between his feet multiple times. Eventually he looked back up at me, still a smile on his face. “I want to get used to it, though.” My heart skipped a beat at those words and I felt like my whole body was radiating warmth. I knew what I wanted.

“So would I,” I beamed. Toby reacted by embracing me in a tight hug and holding me for a long time. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head against him, inhaling his scent as it made my stomach flutter. It was truly a wonderful feeling, and it was nothing like what I had felt for Otto. This trumped it by far. We finally let go of each other and Toby leaned in for another kiss, but I pulled away. It was so natural for me to avoid his lips after a hug, considering we were always just friends. “Oh, um…” I stuttered but stopped once Toby gave a relaxed smile. We both awkwardly laughed.

“It’s okay. We need to adjust,” he nodded, showing he understood completely.

“So um, what are we now?” I asked. I just wanted some clarification. If we weren’t on the same page, there could be trouble.

“Well, dating, I guess. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I do want to be your mate, but I just want to make sure this is completely what we both want, you know?” Tobias blurted.

“I understand,” I quickly told him with a nod. He was absolutely justified in saying that.

“Okay, good… I don’t really know if we should tell anyone yet, though…” he said with a little wince at the end. I guess Toby thought I might be offended, and I did feel uneasy about that.

“Why not? You’re not ashamed or anything, are you? I thought you were so confident in this working,” I countered, trying my best to stay calm.

“No, it’s just because of my position as the group leader, it matters a lot who I mate with. I just have to talk to Sylus about it and figure out how we should handle the situation,” he explained. There was no way I could argue against any leader protocol, so I let it slide. Toby grabbed my hand and held it so softly. “How about we just take it slow and have a few secret dates to warm up to each other in this new way? If it just doesn’t work, we can stop before anything gets too weird and go back to normal.”

“Okay… But how are we going to secretly date? Won’t the others get suspicious?”

“Well I was thinking that we just disguise it as our current friendship, or as training. It shouldn’t be that difficult…” Toby suggested and I nodded.

“Okay… Will I leave most of it up to you?” I asked, hoping he’d say yes.

“I think that would be best… You just go about life as per usual and I’ll whisk you away occasionally for a surprise date. Sound good?” Toby grinned. It was good to see that he was eager for this relationship to move forwards. I too felt excited, but I was still so nervous.

“It does sound good.”

“Okay, well I don’t have anything else to add, and before you knocked I was getting ready to sleep because I was really exhausted, and-” he began with a cheeky look.

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry,” I rolled my eyes playfully. “I’ll leave now…”

“When will you be ready to train again?” Toby asked as he walked back over to his door and put his hand on the handle.

“I don’t know… Maybe in about a week? I still can’t fly yet,” I replied as I followed him and stood by his side. “Thank you, again, for saving me from them…”

“I had to…” Tobias shrugged, looking away sadly. “But, I’m really glad you’re back, and that you came to talk to me today.”

“Me too,” I agreed with a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, hopefully.” I shifted forwards and gave him a peck on the cheek, fearing that one on the lips might make me feel uncomfortable. I wanted to end the night on a high note.

“Goodnight, Marion,” he smiled before opening the door.

“Goodnight, Toby.”

“Don’t call me Toby in public, will you?” Tobias asked as I walked through the door. I giggled and shook my head.

“I won’t…” I groaned before heading down the hallway. Not long after I heard his door shut, and I realised my stomach was still doing flips and my heart was still pounding incredibly fast. Was this a dream?