Survival

A few days later and I was at dinner, grabbing a large tray of food alongside Brienne. It had been sufficient time for Tobias’ words to sink in, and I was truly conflicted. I just couldn’t be pushed down like that and silenced. It wasn’t right, and I had to do what was best for the group. To me, that was fighting, even though I was a female. Brienne and I sat down together and started to eat, only a minute passing before I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“So Tobias scolded me for joining in the fight, but I don’t think I can obey him,” I told her. A little giggle escaped her.

“Of course not, you never do,” she remarked.

“You should have seen how distressed it made him, though. He’s really stuck on the fact that I’m a female and can’t do this,” I continued before glancing around the room. Tobias was still in line for food. I leaned forward and lowered my voice. “I saved his life out there.”

“No way…” Brienne gasped and I nodded. “That must have taken a lot of skill!”

“It did! And that’s why I don’t understand why he won’t let me fight! I can clearly do it well enough!” I exclaimed, doing my best to keep my voice hushed. Brienne nicked a handful of berries from my plate, but I didn’t care. I was too angered at Tobias. We sat in silence for a moment, taking time to eat and think about the situation.

“So you said he was stuck on you being female, right?” Brienne asked. “And how females do female jobs, one of which is not fighting.”

“Definitely.”

“So how about you do your female duty and then try and fight?” Brienne suggested rather shyly. I almost spat my food out when I thought I realised what she was trying to say.

“What do you mean?” I asked, wanting her to clarify in case I was mistaken. She was still young, after all.

“Well… I had a talk today about… adult stuff…” she admitted quietly. “And one of the things a female has to do is bear a child. So maybe if you did that, then he’d be okay with you fighting because you’ve already contributed to our community in a way that all females are supposed to.” Oh wow, my Brienne was all grown up. I chewed her idea over in my mind, biting my lip once I found a flaw.

“But no male here wants to mate with me. You see the way they look down upon me for wanting to fight. Only Tobias talks to me, really,” I countered. I glanced over at him in the line, getting his tray filled up with a huge amount of food.

“He could do it, couldn’t he? He’s your friend,” Brienne proposed as I took a sip of my protein drink.

“I don’t know.”

“You should ask,” she said and I realised I was staring at Toby. Would he be a good mate for me? I hadn’t really considered it before. Toby got out of the line and looked around the room for a seat. He saw me and we exchanged smiles before he started walking in my direction. My stomach jumped. I was about to get an opportunity to ask him right now. Could I really do it? Did I have enough guts to ask my friend something like that? When he was only a few tables away, Sylus jumped in front of Tobias and started chatting to him, leading him away to another table to eat with fellow males. I shrugged it off as Toby sent me an apologetic look, unsure if he really meant it.

“He’s probably too busy with preparation for the others,” I admitted, wanting to dismiss the idea. It had potential to work, sure, but Toby as my mate? I doubted he’d ever agree.

“Well be a typical female then. Your choice,” Brienne retorted, head down and focused on her meal. I frowned at her response. She was right; I had to try something. Maybe Toby would let me fight if the main issue he had with it wasn’t there. Surely.

After I had eaten, I approached Tobias and asked politely to speak with him once he was free. He readily agreed, and I then proceeded to wait in my room preening my wings until he knocked on the door. Once the sound met my ears, I could feel my whole body start to tense with anxiety. Mate choice was not a topic taken lightly. It and marriage were very serious, considering how monogamous our species was. That meant it was imperative that I treaded cautiously in the conversation. I shyly let Tobias into my room and offered him a seat since we were on friendly terms for this meeting.

“I’m sorry about dinner. I wanted to chat with you, but everyone was just so excited about the arrival of the others,” Toby apologised. “But I’m free now. We could play dominos if you’d like.” I grinned, really tempted to just agree to our favourite game and forget about the whole serious situation, but I just couldn’t.

“Um, no… I just wanted to run something by you…” I breathed, staring down at my hands as I fiddled with them. Come on, you can do this Marion… “It’s just that I’ve been doing some thinking lately and, uh… I sort of realised that no male wishes to be my mate because I’m too crazy and do unspeakable things for a female. You’re the only male our age who actually talks to me. And, well, I should be mated by now, and I’m not, so… Is it possible for you to be my mate?” Wow. I had actually said it. I clenched my hands together and forced myself to look up at my long-time friend. Toby actually appeared shocked. I didn’t take that as a good sign.

“Are you serious?” he eventually managed to say, the tiniest of smiles creeping onto his lips. I hoped that was a ‘yes’ kind of smile, and not a ‘I’m about to tease you about this joke’ kind of smile.

“Yes… I want to mate and I want to bear a child, like a female is supposed to,” I informed him with a small nod of my head.

“Are you sure this isn’t some sort of disguise for a plan to get you to fight with us?” Toby questioned, catching me out so quickly. I hesitated as I tried to think of a response, but that appeared to give it away to him. “It is, isn’t it?” His voice was full of disappointment.

“It would solve the issue,” I stated.

“It’s preposterous,” Tobias said simply, a frown now on his face.

“So you won’t do it?”

“No. I will not marry you, nor I will not father a bastard child,” Tobias answered as he stood. “You will not fight, Marion. Get that into your head, and stop trying!”