Love's Spiral

Spencer unlocked the door and walked into the hose. She greeted the darkness, claiming that her head didn’t hurt as much. She went straight into her room. Spencer turned off all the lights in the house and changed into her pajamas. Just as she was pulling on a t-shirt, she heard a noise. She gasped and quickly turned around, pulling her shirt down.

Derek!” She breathed, trying her best to slow down her breathing. “What the hell?”

Derek stood at her door and didn’t enter the room or say anything.

“Why do you just pop out of nowhere?” she joked.

Derek shrugged. “You said that you wanted to talk.”

Spencer nodded, slowly, going for a sweatshirt and throwing it on. “Yeah, I know. My head’s been hurting like crazy all night. I must have forgotten. I think I’ve just broke through that wall of insane about the werewolf crap.” She admitted, moving to sit cross-legged on her bed. She noticed that Derek was still leaning against the door frame. “You can come in if you want. Just don’t turn on the light.”

“I don’t need it.” He said, simply, walking in to sit on a cushioned chair in the corner of the room.

Spencer nodded. “That’s right. Somehow I manage to forget that you’re a werewolf, too.” She said looking at a blanket she was picking fuzz off of. “I guess that’s a good thing.”

“I, uh… You said that your head hurt. Can I get you anything?” Derek asked.

Spencer smiled at his offer and took him up on it. Derek got her some medicine and a glass of water. Spencer thanked him and Derek grumbled in response. “You know, you put on a tough he-man exterior, but, really, you’re just a big puppy dog.” Spencer laughed.

“A puppy?” Derek asked.

“I don’t know.” She turned away nervously, then took the medicine. “So what did you do? To Harris?”

Derek shrugged. “Threatened him.” He said. Derek could see the unbelieving look that Spencer gave him. He sighed. “I pushed him against the chalkboard and I threatened him.”

Spencer shook her head, smiling at him. “Why do you even care?” she asked, all seriousness written on her face. “I mean, we did just meet each other and everything. There really isn’t much that we have in common. You’re a werewolf. I’m not. You’re 21, 22?” Spencer guessed. Derek nodded. “I’m 17.”

Derek paused, almost unsure of how to respond. “You said we’re friends.” Derek said.

Spencer looked up at him. She could only see the outline of his face, but she somehow knew that he felt hopeful. Spencer nodded, biting her lip.

“That’s why I care.”

Spencer smiled.

Derek didn’t know how he was being so personal with her. He just felt as if he should be.

Spencer took a breath, and the pain came back to her head. She put a hand to her head. It was much colder than her forehead. She enjoyed the coolness of her hand.

Derek rushed to her side, sitting on the edge of her bed. “Red?”

Spencer took a deep breath as the pain subsided. “Sorry. I’m okay. Just another headache.” She said, but still pinched the bridge of her nose, looking down.

Derek put a hand on Spencer’s lower back. This made her stomach do flips.

Spencer looked up and her face was inches from Derek’s. She moved her eyes up and down. She seemed to memorize his face in the brief amount of time they were close. “I, uh…” she stuttered before she was interrupted.

“I remember.” Derek said.

Spencer furrowed her brow. “You, uh, what?”

“I remember you. That day at school. You were in the office that day, too. Your hair was in braided ponytails. You were wearing a little yellow dress. You told me to stop crying. That everything was going to be okay.”

Spencer shook her head, not understanding, but she didn’t move away from him. “What?” Spencer asked. “You mean, you liked to me?” Her voice was soft, but Derek could still hear.

He nodded. “I didn’t know what else to do.” Derek looked away.

“The day I met you, or rather, re-met you, I came back home and I couldn’t stop thinking about when I first met you. I was telling Stiles that I remembered you and he said not to think about it, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t know why.”

Derek looked back to her, but she looked away. He had a small theory, but he didn’t want to talk to her about it. He didn’t want it to be true. Not that it would have mattered anyway. She had Stiles. She never would feel that way about him. “I’m sorry.” Derek said, trying to get her to look back at him.

She turned back.

“I didn’t want to lie to you. I just…panicked.” His eyes quickly darted to her lips and back up to her eyes. He held back his instinct.

Spencer saw his eyes go to her lips. She bit them and looked down.

“Spencer.” Derek said. She glanced back up, this time her eyes stopping at his lips. Derek reached a hand up and put a strand of hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes, loving even this smallest touch of his.

“Derek…” She sighed.

“Red, I don’t know if this is really okay.”

Spencer leaned forward, not caring, and crashed her lips to his. At first, Derek was surprised. He didn’t expect her to allow this. He knew in his mind that she still had Stiles. She was still with Stiles. But now that she had kissed him, it’s like that didn’t matter. He put more emphasis into the kiss, tangling his hand into her hair. Spencer leaned into him. One of his hands left her hair and the arm moved around her waist. He picked her up easily and moved to lay her down on the bed. He climbed on top of her. Spencer smiled, grabbed his face, and pulled it back down reconnecting their lips.

“Derek.” She moaned in between kisses. He leaned over her so that he wasn’t crushing her. His lips moved down to her neck as his animal instinct started to kick in. Spencer breathed a laugh as he hit a spot just under her jaw bone.

A minute later, Spencer came to her senses. “Wait, Derek. Stop.” She said, attempting to push him away. Derek pulled away and Spencer swore she saw the flash of his werewolf blue eyes.

“What?” he asked.

Spencer couldn’t look into his eyes. She looked past him and closed her eyes.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, pulling her chin up.

Spencer shook her head. “No, not really. It’s just… I’m not - I’m not ready for anything like this.” She admitted, blushing.

Derek laughed once and rolled off of her to sit next to her. Derek ran his hands through his hair. He couldn’t believe that he’d just done that. Derek stood up and started for the door.

“Derek?” Spencer asked, curious as to why he was leaving. “Please don’t go.” She begged.

Derek didn’t turn back at what she said. He kept going out the door. Spencer got up to follow him, but when she looked out her bedroom door, he wasn’t there. She bit her lip, sniffled a little and went to curl herself up in bed.

Little did she know, Derek was around the corner, in the kitchen, hiding behind the wall. Derek found himself wandering back to the safe house.

@$#%$#@

The next morning, Spencer woke up and didn’t even feel like going to school. Five minutes before Stiles would be there, she sighed and ended up getting out of bed. She only changed into a pair of sweatpants and put her hair in a ponytail. Hopefully, looking unattractive would make Harris leave her alone today.

The second Stiles pulled into the driveway, she was trudging it out of the house. She didn’t say a word as she got into the Jeep. She didn’t even know what to say about last night. She figured that she shouldn’t tell him anything about Derek since it obviously meant nothing and would end up being nothing. She couldn’t believe that she had let it happen in the first place. She was stupid and she felt bad.

“Hey, Spence.” Stiles said, with a big smile on his face.

Spencer only grumbled a response.

“How are you feeling?”

“Peachy.” She responded. She wasn’t even that. she was getting her headaches more often. They started up again when Derek left the house. She couldn’t think of any reason why she would be getting headaches.

“I take it your headaches aren’t gone.”

Spencer shook her head, slightly. “And they’re worse. More often. More pain. I’ve taken three different painkillers since last night and none of them seem to be helping.”

Stiles nodded, not knowing what to do. “Are you sure that you wanna go to school today?”

Spencer nodded. She knew staying at home, where Derek could easily get to her, wouldn’t be an option. “I have to go. I have a test today.”

“It’s only the second week of school.”

“Yeah, well. It sucks and my teacher is crap, okay?”

Stiles just stared. He didn’t say anything in response. He just pulled out of the driveway and started driving towards the school. “Are you sure that this isn’t some kind of girly thing?”

“You mean like my period?” She glared at Stiles.

He nodded slowly, even though he was scared.

“I cannot believe that you would even ask that. You know, that is the worst possible thing that you could have said, right?”

“I - I’m - ”

“Just stop.”

“What?”

“Stop the car.” Spencer ordered.

“Spencer, come on.”

“Stiles, stop the damn car! I’ll walk from here.”

“No, I’m not going to let you walk. My dad would kill me if he saw you walking Beacon Hills alone.”

Spencer hmphed into the door of the Jeep, staying to her side. She didn’t speak for the rest of the car ride and when the two arrived at the school, she rushed out of the Jeep and into the school, leaving Stiles still sitting there.

@#$%$#@

The day for Stiles had passed slowly. Spencer wouldn’t talk to him all day. He and Scott were able to have a second alone at the lunch table while Spencer was at the vending machine trying to get a soda.

“You mean, you actually asked her if she was on her period?” Scott asked.

Stiles nodded.

“Dude…” Scott started, but he couldn’t find the words to tell him what an idiot he was.

“I know. Worst thing I could have said. I just, I panicked. I don’t know how it is to live with girls. It’s been a while.” Stiles said, sadly.

“I don’t even know if you can count that Spencer is living with you. If she didn’t stay there last night, there might be something wrong between the two of you.”

Stiles shook his head. “No way. She was sick. She wanted to stay home last night.”

“Are you sure she was telling the truth? I mean, did she have like, uh, a fever or something?”

“No, she had headaches.”

“Chicks lie, dude. You might have gotten played. Maybe she was mad at you.”

“When has Spencer ever really been mad at me?”

Scott shrugged. He opened his mouth to say something, but Stiles put a finger to his lip, pointing to Spencer. Scott looked back and saw that she was coming back to the table. She sat down next to Scott.

“Hey, Pence? Class was pretty rough today, huh?”

Spencer just shrugged her shoulders and continued to look at her food. She didn’t want to be at school, but she didn’t want to be home either. Stiles was here. Derek was there. She couldn’t believe the mess that she had gotten herself into and she wished that she could just go back to before any of this happened.

@$#%$#@

The day dragged on. Thankfully Harris had left her alone. Derek really must have scared him into letting her be. She still didn’t talk much all day. She did all of her school work by herself. Even when she was told to work with a partner or a group, she didn’t listen. She figured her appearance would tell the teachers that she was not in the mood to be argued with. She was one of the best students in the school. She deserved a bad day every now and then.

She walked by herself to Stiles’ Jeep and waited for him there. She didn’t want to go home with him or wait for his practice to be over, but she knew that he would get into trouble if his father caught her walking home alone when there was a killer out there. He had given her the keys before he ran off to the locker room. She climbed in the driver’s seat and drove the car closer to the field. Then she moved over to the passenger side and leaned the seat back to go to sleep.

She saw Lydia and Allison sitting in the bleachers, watching practice. Spencer wasn’t in the mood for dealing with them either. She was too busy arguing with herself over what to do with everything in her brain. Just thinking about it made her head feel worse. She had so many things to rifle through. She had Derek, Stiles, Harris, her dad, and now this whole werewolf thing to worry about. She knew that she had to figure out the boy thing first. She needed to make sure no one would get hurt, whether it was Stiles or herself. Even Derek. Derek was as hard as a rock, but Spencer was sure that he still had feelings.

Spencer didn’t realize that she had fallen asleep, but she jolted up in her seat with a door of the Jeep slammed.

“Sorry, Spencer.” Stiles said, meaning it.

Spencer nodded, leaning the chair up.

“What do you want to do?” He asked, hopefully. He hoped she would want to go with him back to his house.

Spencer shook her head. “I wanna go home.” she said, looking out the window.

Stiles started the Jeep. The ride to Spencer’s house was silent, just like it had been for the past few days. Neither knew what to say. Especially Stiles. Last time he said something, he said the wrong thing. He knows better to not ask her about lady things. Stiles pulled into her driveway and turned off the car. The two sat in silence for five minutes before either said anything.

Spencer spoke first. “Stiles, you know how we said we would see how this goes?” she asked, referring to the two of them together. “I think that we’ve done all that we could.”

“What do - what do you mean?” Stiles asked, calmly, but inside his heart was breaking.

“I mean, I don’t know if I can handle us being a thing right now.” she said, honestly.

“Spencer we’ve been on one real date. And - and now, you’re saying you wanna call it off?” Stiles’ voice cracked.

“Honestly?” she looked at Stiles, who nodded his head yes. “Stiles, look how well last night went.”

“You were sick, Spence. You really can’t use that as an excuse.” Spencer could tell that he was starting to get just a little bit angry.

Good. She thought, needing someone to be angry with her. She needed someone to yell at her. Spencer sighed. “I think I’m really stressed out. From everything that has been going on and I really don’t need to worry about a boyfriend on top of all of that.”

“I never asked you to worry about me. I’ve never asked for anything serious. I just wanted us to try it out, but you’re calling it quits before it’s even started!”

Spencer didn’t know what to say. She looked away from Stiles, down at her hands. Her book bag strap was wrapped around her hand.

“Spencer, don’t do this. I don’t want to be just friends with you.”

Spencer felt tears sting her eyes.

“I can’t go back to not kissing you, or touching you. I really like you, Spencer.” Stiles paused, thinking. “I actually think that I might lo - ”

“I kissed Derek!” she shouted, then clamping a hand over her mouth. She didn’t ever want him to know that. It sounded like he was about to say something that he’d regret. She would feel so much worse about the Derek thing if he had. She looked at Stiles, hand still over her mouth, tears running down her face.

Stiles looked shocked and hurt, his eyes brimming with small tears as well.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what was happening. It was an accident.”

“So, what? You tripped and he caught you with his lips?!”

“No! No, I don’t know. We were just talking and it happened. It probably meant nothing. I’m sorry!” She yelled, and pushed herself out of the car door. She ran into her house, locked the door behind her, and started to move slowly towards her room, sobbing now. She could hear Stiles calling her name and banging on the front door, but she continued to ignore his attempts. Spencer looked up through her tears to see Derek standing up from her bed. Deep down, she really wanted to yell at him, punch him, kick him out. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she dropped her bag and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly, needing the comfort.

Derek hesitated at first, not knowing what to do. He listened to his instinct, though, and it told him to hug her back. An arm went around her shoulder and his other hand went in her hair. The two just stood there and he let her cry into her chest.

@$#%$#@

Stiles drove quickly to Scott’s house. He couldn’t be alone and he knew his friend would be there for him. He had to talk to someone. Stiles didn’t know what happened between him and Spencer. They were fine one week and then Derek started showed up everywhere. He knew he couldn’t just blame Derek, but he didn’t want to think negatively of Spencer. Even after what she did he still felt like he had a spot in his heart.

He used the key that he had made from Spencer’s to get into the house. He ran up the stairs, bursting through Scott’s door.

Scott jumped when he heard the noise. “Stiles?” he questioned. “What the hell? Have you been crying?”

Stiles stumbled into the room. “Maybe. Probably. I don’t know. Spencer broke up with me. She kissed Derek. She won’t talk to me.” Stiles said, all in one breath. He sat on Scott’s bed to catch his breath.

“Wait, what? When did that happen?”

Stiles shrugged.

“And she’s the one not talking to you?”

Stiles nodded, signaling to Scott to pull out an inhaler. Scott tossed it to him. Stiles took a big puff from it and then a deep breath. “I love her, dude.”

Scott rolled his eyes and groaned. “You say the same thing about Lydia every day.”

Stiles shook his head. “I know, but Spencer is different. I don’t hate her for what she did. I hate Derek. I’m more upset with her because she broke up with me. I wish she hadn’t.”

Scott shrugged. “Maybe she just wants to be friends. I really don’t think that you should be all over her right now. She’s our best friend, Stiles. If you pull at her, you could only push her away. Don’t do that or you’ll hate yourself forever.

Stiles nodded, agreeing.

@#$%$#@

Spencer woke up to an arm hanging over her shoulder. She turned around and saw that Derek was there, watching over her as she slept. He didn’t make a sound or say anything. He only waited for her to say something first. She didn’t know. Instead, she rolled back over and closed her eyes, deciding that she wasn’t going to school today. Derek let out a deep breath.

“I’m sorry.” He said, finally.

Spencer shook her head into the pillow and curled herself into him tighter. She didn’t want him to think any of it was his fault. It wasn’t. It was all her own fault. She should have realized what was happening with her growing feelings for Derek. She should have stopped it before it happened. She should have told Derek to shove it when he met her at the restaurant the other night.

Only, she didn’t want to. She didn’t want him to go away. She didn’t want to lose him. She wanted him to stay right here and lay with her forever.

She knew that Stiles was hurt. She saw hurt, too. But she just couldn’t deal with him. He was trying to talk her out of breaking up with him. Spencer didn’t think she wanted to be with Stiles right now. Right now, she needed Stiles as a friend. She saw that now. That’s all that she knew how to be with him and going to a different place would be scary. They’ve been friends for so long, it would be too hard to adjust to something different.

When Spencer was with Derek, she didn’t have to try hard to be a girlfriend, or whatever the hell that they were. All she had to do was be herself.

“Red?” Derek asked, seeing if she was awake. Derek knew deep down there was something that he felt for Spencer. Something too big. He didn’t want it to be true. He didn’t want her to be put in danger.

“Hmm?” Spencer mumbled.

“This isn’t a good idea.”

Spencer automatically felt new tears spring to her eyes and her heart started to beat faster. Their position didn’t change. He still laid down with her with one arm around her and the other over her head. “Please…please don’t say that.” she begged. “I can’t lose you too.”

“You’re not safe with me around.”

Spencer moved his arm and turned over to face him. She shook her head, and grabbed his face with her hands.

Derek’s eyes closed as he took in her scent which was like a perfect drug to him.

“If anything, I feel more safe with you around than I have in my entire life.” She admitted. “I know that when you’re around, and I’m in trouble, you will help me out. I know that you’re there when I can. And I know that you’ll protect me.”

His eyes shot open to her piercing blue ones. “How do you know that?”

She shrugged, smiling, letting her tears dry out. “I couldn’t tell you. With you, my headaches don’t happen as much and that alone is a reason to keep you around.” She joked.

His hard stare didn’t falter.

“What?”

“How can you make jokes after all that’s happened in the past forty-eight hours?”

Spencer laughed to herself. “When I was little, my dad used to say that I was very resilient. That I could bounce back from anything bad that happened to me. I don’t know how he knew that when I was only seven.”

“What happened to him?”

Spencer sighed. “I’m not sure. Some sort of head trauma. Either way, he doesn’t remember me. I used to wonder where I got that resilience from if he couldn’t bounce back from this. My mom went into a dark time and I took care of myself after that. Since the accident, there have been only two times where he has remembered and knew who I was. When I was 9 and 14. He had wondered how I had gotten so big in such a short amount of time. It was like he thought I was still that seven-year-old girl that he had just tucked in the night before. Sometimes when he’s home, and I’m pretending to be just a cousin or whatever, I’ll just stare at him, wondering if he’s gonna remember me in the next minute.” Spencer looked away from Derek. She laughed again to herself. “I’ve never told that to anyone.” She admitted, looking back into his eyes. “Please don’t leave.” she said, as a tear began to run down her face. “I don’t think I’ll be able to deal with that as easily as I have with everything else.”

Derek wiped her tear away and kissed her forehead. He turned on his back and she placed her head on his chest.

“Thank you.”

Derek didn’t respond. He only kissed the top of her head and listened to her heartbeat as she fell back to sleep.