The Story of Us
The Story
I've been thinking more & more so in the past few days about how things went down between me & him & the more I think about it the more I wish things could go back to the way they were before everything. Before all the heartache & before the fights, before I lost whatever it was I had that made him love me. Writing this won’t change anything it won’t bring us back to the way we were before & it certainly won’t erase all the hurt or all the fight’s that we've been in. No it won’t but maybe it will help me to understand what it was that changed everything between us. Here goes.
I can’t quite remember when we met I know it was 3yrs ago on Good Charlotte’s website. At first we were just friends. Exchanging a ‘Hey how are you?’ & ‘What’s up with you?’ Nothing special, yet in a matter of week’s I found myself falling for him. Late night chat’s led to ending each chat with an ‘ I love you’ both not really sure where it was going. Me nervous because I had no idea what I was going through, I’d never had anyone feel this way for me & it scared me. I wanted nothing more than to scream, cry, & beg him to be mine. But I waited, telling anyone I could about this guy I had met & how much he made me feel loved.
He was there for me always & all the while never really understanding why but I didn't honestly care. Finally September 1st, 2009 we both confessed how we felt about one another & he was shy worried that what he wanted to ask I would say no, but little did he know I wasn't going to say no. Finally the words, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ was written & deep inside me I felt a swarm full of butterflies invade me & I said ‘Yes’. We chatted every day some day’s I felt like I didn't deserve him & maybe I didn't but he was this amazing person & he wanted me for God only knew those reason’s why. On September 20th, 2009 I wrote;
I found my reason for living. A reason to wake up in the morning. His name is ***. We met a few month’s ago on Good Charlotte.com. He’s going to college to become a lawyer. He’s already in his second year. I love him more with each passing day. I didn't think I could ever be this happy. He fills my heart with such joy. He is my soul mate. The only thing standing in our way is the fact that he lives in Ireland. Yea but we want desperately to meet each other. It took me a while to come around to him because Tom screwed me up so bad. But for the first time in years I finally broke through that wall that was around me to let him in. He is actually on my mind at this very second. He’s in my heart & lives in my soul. He’s every thing I've ever wanted. I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just hope he feels the same way as me.
It seemed things were perfect between us; it was nothing I’d ever gone through. He told me every day he loved me & that he would never hurt me. That he would stay with me. Dreams of him filled my nights & it was nice because it was the only place I could really see him. It was torture but great at the same time. I wished more than anything I could be there with him. He even told me he wanted to be with me too. As the week’s passed things started to fall apart it seemed & on October 3rd I wrote;
What I thought was my dream come true has turned into a nightmare. Weeks ago I knew he was the one. Now I’m not even sure were gonna make it through another week yet the rest of my life. He’s grown distant with me. He hasn't said I love you in a week. I’m starting to think he lied. He said it just cause he thought it was what I wanted to hear. I trusted him. He was the first guy in years I trusted with my heart & he turned out to be just like all the rest. I feel like such an idiot & a fool. I told him things. I poured my heart & my soul out to him. He probably laughing at everything I told him. Even though we've taken this break I still love him. I was on Myspace yesterday & he logged in. I thought I was gonna cry. I wanted so bad to just message him so bad & say I’m sorry, I love you. I don’t want to take a break. It was hard, but I didn't.
The break seemed to go on for what seemed like forever but eventually it ended. But what happened when it ended was something I never saw coming. On October 8th I wrote;
Ok so I am writing. But I’m not happy. He broke up with me. Yes, on Monday. I've been trying to deal with it all week. But I can’t seem to get passed this. For the first few days I was angry. But now the feelings I’m having are much worse than anger. Can you believe that I still have feelings for him?! Yes, I do. I still want to be with him. But his mind has been made up. He doesn't feel the same way anymore. I want to know what it was I said or did that made him wake up one morning & decide he didn't love me any more? I guess that is a question I should be asking him. He thinks I've grown to accept this & that we can only be just friends. But he’s so wrong. I was really hoping this next entry would be happy. Guess I thought wrong.
I worked through my anger over the months & we continued to be friends & to chat. But something always told me that things wouldn't be the same with us now. Than he met her & my whole world fell apart again. He fell for her & I was left along the side of the road. She made us stop talking & it hurt so horribly bad for the longest time I didn't think I was going to make it through. But some how I did & when it ended we mended our broken fence & again we picked up as if nothing had ever happened. But soon the arguments began. He started talking to her again & I couldn't do it anymore so I told him good-bye. Well what I thought was good-bye. But after 8 months & after I was hurt myself I reached out to him & by surprise he took me back. Friends we were again & I was so happy to have him back in my life. Things seemed great for the longest but than the arguments began again & so the tension set back in. I said things I wished I hadn't. People told me to rid myself of him but I didn't want to. I felt we had something to fight for. We had our up’s & down’s for that first year back as friends & than one day I fell completely in love with him again & it was no point in telling him but I did & what he said back to me hurt me more than anything & that was he still loved her. But honestly I knew it was coming. I dealt with it as best I could & on September 12th, 2012 I wrote;
Really thinking about him. I've fallen for him again. Not the best thing, but we've had a great few weeks. I know he still loves her, but I can’t help but feel the way I do. He told me he’s not my prince charming but the guy with the poison apple. I know he’s bad for me. But like a junkie I need him. I know I need to work on moving on, but when I’m in love with him I feel safe. He doesn't understand it & I don’t know how to explain it, all I know is I love him.
We dealt with this problem & after a few days’ break I was myself again. We were back to where he were before. Than I had the worse week I could ever have & we fought & we fought until he was ready to end the friendship & that’s where this story ends. It’s not over no it’s not or at least I think it’s not? I want to hope we can get through this & come out the other side stronger than ever. We have been in worse situations than this & have come out on the other side friends again.
It’s taken a lot for me to write this story & a lot for me to share this with him but I wanted him to know & to see that nothing is as horrible as he may think it is. I am truly grateful to have him in my life. So please don’t give up on us now. I need him in my life even though it would appear I love to fight with him I don’t. I hate it when we get like this. So I’ll hope he'll forgive me.
Love you always & forever,
Andrea aka Dinky <3
I can’t quite remember when we met I know it was 3yrs ago on Good Charlotte’s website. At first we were just friends. Exchanging a ‘Hey how are you?’ & ‘What’s up with you?’ Nothing special, yet in a matter of week’s I found myself falling for him. Late night chat’s led to ending each chat with an ‘ I love you’ both not really sure where it was going. Me nervous because I had no idea what I was going through, I’d never had anyone feel this way for me & it scared me. I wanted nothing more than to scream, cry, & beg him to be mine. But I waited, telling anyone I could about this guy I had met & how much he made me feel loved.
He was there for me always & all the while never really understanding why but I didn't honestly care. Finally September 1st, 2009 we both confessed how we felt about one another & he was shy worried that what he wanted to ask I would say no, but little did he know I wasn't going to say no. Finally the words, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ was written & deep inside me I felt a swarm full of butterflies invade me & I said ‘Yes’. We chatted every day some day’s I felt like I didn't deserve him & maybe I didn't but he was this amazing person & he wanted me for God only knew those reason’s why. On September 20th, 2009 I wrote;
I found my reason for living. A reason to wake up in the morning. His name is ***. We met a few month’s ago on Good Charlotte.com. He’s going to college to become a lawyer. He’s already in his second year. I love him more with each passing day. I didn't think I could ever be this happy. He fills my heart with such joy. He is my soul mate. The only thing standing in our way is the fact that he lives in Ireland. Yea but we want desperately to meet each other. It took me a while to come around to him because Tom screwed me up so bad. But for the first time in years I finally broke through that wall that was around me to let him in. He is actually on my mind at this very second. He’s in my heart & lives in my soul. He’s every thing I've ever wanted. I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just hope he feels the same way as me.
It seemed things were perfect between us; it was nothing I’d ever gone through. He told me every day he loved me & that he would never hurt me. That he would stay with me. Dreams of him filled my nights & it was nice because it was the only place I could really see him. It was torture but great at the same time. I wished more than anything I could be there with him. He even told me he wanted to be with me too. As the week’s passed things started to fall apart it seemed & on October 3rd I wrote;
What I thought was my dream come true has turned into a nightmare. Weeks ago I knew he was the one. Now I’m not even sure were gonna make it through another week yet the rest of my life. He’s grown distant with me. He hasn't said I love you in a week. I’m starting to think he lied. He said it just cause he thought it was what I wanted to hear. I trusted him. He was the first guy in years I trusted with my heart & he turned out to be just like all the rest. I feel like such an idiot & a fool. I told him things. I poured my heart & my soul out to him. He probably laughing at everything I told him. Even though we've taken this break I still love him. I was on Myspace yesterday & he logged in. I thought I was gonna cry. I wanted so bad to just message him so bad & say I’m sorry, I love you. I don’t want to take a break. It was hard, but I didn't.
The break seemed to go on for what seemed like forever but eventually it ended. But what happened when it ended was something I never saw coming. On October 8th I wrote;
Ok so I am writing. But I’m not happy. He broke up with me. Yes, on Monday. I've been trying to deal with it all week. But I can’t seem to get passed this. For the first few days I was angry. But now the feelings I’m having are much worse than anger. Can you believe that I still have feelings for him?! Yes, I do. I still want to be with him. But his mind has been made up. He doesn't feel the same way anymore. I want to know what it was I said or did that made him wake up one morning & decide he didn't love me any more? I guess that is a question I should be asking him. He thinks I've grown to accept this & that we can only be just friends. But he’s so wrong. I was really hoping this next entry would be happy. Guess I thought wrong.
I worked through my anger over the months & we continued to be friends & to chat. But something always told me that things wouldn't be the same with us now. Than he met her & my whole world fell apart again. He fell for her & I was left along the side of the road. She made us stop talking & it hurt so horribly bad for the longest time I didn't think I was going to make it through. But some how I did & when it ended we mended our broken fence & again we picked up as if nothing had ever happened. But soon the arguments began. He started talking to her again & I couldn't do it anymore so I told him good-bye. Well what I thought was good-bye. But after 8 months & after I was hurt myself I reached out to him & by surprise he took me back. Friends we were again & I was so happy to have him back in my life. Things seemed great for the longest but than the arguments began again & so the tension set back in. I said things I wished I hadn't. People told me to rid myself of him but I didn't want to. I felt we had something to fight for. We had our up’s & down’s for that first year back as friends & than one day I fell completely in love with him again & it was no point in telling him but I did & what he said back to me hurt me more than anything & that was he still loved her. But honestly I knew it was coming. I dealt with it as best I could & on September 12th, 2012 I wrote;
Really thinking about him. I've fallen for him again. Not the best thing, but we've had a great few weeks. I know he still loves her, but I can’t help but feel the way I do. He told me he’s not my prince charming but the guy with the poison apple. I know he’s bad for me. But like a junkie I need him. I know I need to work on moving on, but when I’m in love with him I feel safe. He doesn't understand it & I don’t know how to explain it, all I know is I love him.
We dealt with this problem & after a few days’ break I was myself again. We were back to where he were before. Than I had the worse week I could ever have & we fought & we fought until he was ready to end the friendship & that’s where this story ends. It’s not over no it’s not or at least I think it’s not? I want to hope we can get through this & come out the other side stronger than ever. We have been in worse situations than this & have come out on the other side friends again.
It’s taken a lot for me to write this story & a lot for me to share this with him but I wanted him to know & to see that nothing is as horrible as he may think it is. I am truly grateful to have him in my life. So please don’t give up on us now. I need him in my life even though it would appear I love to fight with him I don’t. I hate it when we get like this. So I’ll hope he'll forgive me.
Love you always & forever,
Andrea aka Dinky <3