Sequel: When It Breaks ›
Status: Written while I drown in tears
I'm Not Leaving Here Without You
i need you, buddy
He didn't lie to Sam, not really, when he said that Cas just let go. He did. He let go of Dean's hand as they were finally going back home.
Dean remembers this late at night when Sam is asleep on the motel bed next to his, he sees it over and over in his head. He remembers the way that Cas's hand felt in his, how tight he had held on to it, how it felt like the most precious of things that he could never bear to lose again. He would never let this hand go again.
When Dean lays down in the bed to try to calm himself, he thinks he can feel Castiel around his body. He misses the way Cas felt when Dean wrapped his arms around him and smiled, happier than he'd been in years to see his angel. He wants to feel that again, to feel that stoic warmth he always relied on and always wanted.
He said he wouldn't leave without him. He can hear those words echo through his mind and his heart clenches. Dean wishes that he hadn't. He tried his hardest to hold on, gripping his hand tight and tried to raise him through the portal and back to earth with him. But Dean couldn't hold on. Dean failed and let Castiel go.
Once he finally slips into sleep, he's back in Purgatory and Cas is there, telling him that he was the one protecting him all along, the one who kept the biggest bads away. Instead of a simple hug, he pulls him close and buries his face into his coat. He breathes in that smell of angel that is always there and smiles. He doesn't let go, but pulls his head back, says "Man, I've missed you" and crushes their lips together, and he feels like floodgates have been opened. Finally, he thinks, and wraps his arms around Castiel's back and holds on for dear life.
And that's enough to make Dean sob himself awake, choking on his tears, and startle Sam who is picking his coat up off the chair. Sam just stares questioningly at the way Dean wipes the wetness from his cheeks and turns his head, turning over and laying back down. "Dean, were-"
"Sam, no." Dean doesn't say anything more. He hears Sam sigh in defeat and put on his coat and leave the room for breakfast.
Dean just closes his eyes and prays to an angel that he has prayed to every night for the past year, begging him to come back home. To come back to him.
Because Dean doesn't think he'll be able to go on without him. Not this time.
Dean remembers this late at night when Sam is asleep on the motel bed next to his, he sees it over and over in his head. He remembers the way that Cas's hand felt in his, how tight he had held on to it, how it felt like the most precious of things that he could never bear to lose again. He would never let this hand go again.
When Dean lays down in the bed to try to calm himself, he thinks he can feel Castiel around his body. He misses the way Cas felt when Dean wrapped his arms around him and smiled, happier than he'd been in years to see his angel. He wants to feel that again, to feel that stoic warmth he always relied on and always wanted.
He said he wouldn't leave without him. He can hear those words echo through his mind and his heart clenches. Dean wishes that he hadn't. He tried his hardest to hold on, gripping his hand tight and tried to raise him through the portal and back to earth with him. But Dean couldn't hold on. Dean failed and let Castiel go.
Once he finally slips into sleep, he's back in Purgatory and Cas is there, telling him that he was the one protecting him all along, the one who kept the biggest bads away. Instead of a simple hug, he pulls him close and buries his face into his coat. He breathes in that smell of angel that is always there and smiles. He doesn't let go, but pulls his head back, says "Man, I've missed you" and crushes their lips together, and he feels like floodgates have been opened. Finally, he thinks, and wraps his arms around Castiel's back and holds on for dear life.
And that's enough to make Dean sob himself awake, choking on his tears, and startle Sam who is picking his coat up off the chair. Sam just stares questioningly at the way Dean wipes the wetness from his cheeks and turns his head, turning over and laying back down. "Dean, were-"
"Sam, no." Dean doesn't say anything more. He hears Sam sigh in defeat and put on his coat and leave the room for breakfast.
Dean just closes his eyes and prays to an angel that he has prayed to every night for the past year, begging him to come back home. To come back to him.
Because Dean doesn't think he'll be able to go on without him. Not this time.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thanks for reading! I know it's bad I'm going to fix it don't worry just gotta get it out there 8x02 destroyed me. Comment if you want.-'Til the next story,
Ageless.Daughters